Advice needed 19 weeks & don't know what to do

[needahugbug]

Hi all
I'm 19 weeks with an unplanned pregnancy. I haven't even told my parents as I'm in a terrible situation. My partner/ex partner already has 2 kids. Wasn't happy when I told him about pregnancy and wanted me to abort. I didn't want an abortion as thought I'd cope as a single mum. He came around to the idea and we stayed together. However he has turned very nasty and feels he has some sort of control over me now. I am considering a termination as I do not think its fair on the child to be brought into this horrible environment and I also feel I've let my family down by being a single mum :( I couldn't afford it either I don't think and don't want this evil man to be in my life for the next 18 years :(

Please get rid of this man he sounds vile no matter what anyone thinks don't feel pressured into a abortion 19 weeks is nearly half the way through the pregnancy

I just don't know how I will cope being a single parent and I know he will be a part of my life and carry on emotionally abusing me

There is help out there to prevent him continuing this have a look at womans aid give them a call I know it's hard but please try them you will be okay you can do this

Please stay strong against this 'man'. If you went ahead with a termination now I can almost guarantee you'll regret it. Agree with the above and call women's aid. I have first hand experience with them and they do help in many ways. Stay strong x

Speak to your midwife and call Women's aid there is support out there and you won't be alone.

No one is let down, termination at this stage is not a simple procedure and there is a seperate board with people with experience should you want to proceed that way. But don't get a termination for him, only if it is the right thing for you and again you will need to speak to your GP and I would advise some counselling as well.

You don't have to put him on the Birth certificate and give him parental rights if you are not together: If an unmarried father is not present and does not sign the register, his details will not be included on the birth certificate and he will not gain Parental Responsibility for his child.

Either choice is yours alone to make but do some research either way and you need to leave him as soon as you can.

Please do not allow your concerns about your family to impact your decision. If they are a supportive and loving family then they WILL support and love you whatever you do, however hard that is to see now. If they are not supportive and loving then nothing you ever do will please them anyway, and who wants to live their life to someone else's rules anyway.

He is probably a classic domestic abuser - it is so common for domestic abuse to first rear it's ugly head during pregnancy when you are at your most vulnerable.

There has never been any doubt to you that you wanted to get rid of the baby. Only now, based on external factors. So don't abort. It's not what you want to do. All the other issues are practical ones and for these, you will be amazed what support is available to you. You WILL be able to afford it, that's what the benefit system is for. What you need to do first of all is lose him. Use woman's aid. Report the situation to your GP / midwife. Tell your best friend. Pack up your stuff and move out. Go to a refuge if you have no other option. There are ways around it. Deal with the practical things one by one and use every ounce of support offered to you. Tick those horrid tasks off one by one. But keep your precious baby that you will love so much and who you have never once doubted wanting. (And by the way I am NOT anti-abortion, I am pro-choice, I just feel strongly in your situation that a termination would not be right for you). xx

If I keep the baby it means that he will be in my life and cause me hell and I don't want that. I always imagined meeting someone and doing things the right way. Not being a single parent and fearing having to speak to him etc. he still causes his ex grief with regards contact etc and I know he will do the same to us

being a single parent is not bad at all. I was with my little boy until he was 5 when I met my now fiance and I am pregnant again. This may not be popular advice but - don't put his name on the birth certificate. He doesn't want the baby, he wants nothing to do with you - OK. Of course this means you won't be able to claim maintenance but honestly - sounds like he would be unlikely to pay that anyway. If he is abusive he is not fit to be a father.
Just quietly carry on with your pregnancy and avoid him.

Please put thoughts of everyone else out of your mind and think only of yourself and your baby. If there was nobody left in the world but yourself and your baby, what would you do? There is certainly no judgement or pressure either way from me. I just want you to make the right choice for you - not for your ex, not for your family. Whether or not you choose to go ahead with a termination you will need an incredible amount of support. Are you close to your family? Are you likely to receive support from them whatever your decision? Plenty of women bring up children very well without partners op. Do not be bullied into this or made to feel you won't cope. There is lots of support out there.