30 weeks..struggling to cope with colleague..any advice please

[becksmumtobe]

Hi All,

Not sure where to start really as I don't want to bore you all!!

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and having a tough time at work. I work in a small company which is mainly all men. However there is a lady that works with myself in the office, before I told her I was pregnant we were really close friends and used to text outside of work etc, but since I told her she has become rather irritated by me it would seem! I don't go on about my pregnancy, in fact I hardly say anything about it as she is not a baby person - in her words "I hate kids"!!

Anyway, I know she is having a hard time at work lately as she doesn't like working here and wants to leave (although she doesn't seem to be doing much about it?) but she is taking all her stress and anger out on me. I hardly get a "morning" these days and its all grunting and sighing, unless she is moaning about a colleague then its all f-ing and blinding. It is getting to the point where I am dreading each day although I do actually love my job.

Other people have complained about her attitude and my boss has said that he needs to speak to her but nothing has been done. We sit in the smallest office out of the way and hardly anyone comes in here, there is nowhere to go to escape for 10 minutes or something and I feel trapped.

I ended up down the hospital yesterday as little one wasn't moving as much, thankfully everything is ok but it makes me wonder if the stress is not helping the situation.

This all sounds really trivial now I've wrote it down but I just wondered if anyone had any advice on what to do? I've got a terrible cold at the minute which is making things worse so I am sat here just wanting to cry but cant. I just don't know what to do to get through day to day

Have you tried just having a honest chat with her about work. It sounds like it's nothing to do with the pregnancy or you, it's just her not wanting to be there, and taking it out on anyone nearby.

May help.

If not you've only got another 7 or so weeks at work. It might seem like ages now, but at least you know there's an end.

Glad alls ok with baby.

Could you speak to your boss again and ask to be separated from her, so you can get some work done? I couldn't function, listening to that.

I have tried speaking to her but all I get is how she hates the place and everyone is useless. She knows how she is affecting the atmosphere in here but in her words "I don't care anymore"

When I spoke to him last time I said I was struggling to work in the same office, he said he couldn't work with her either! But there is nowhere for me to move to, plus our jobs are linked so hard to work in separate places.

I planned to leave at 36 weeks but said I would consider staying longer if needed as they haven't got any cover for me yet but I don't know how to get through these 6 weeks let alone any longer!

I'd have to be straight to the point with her. Next time she starts moaning ask her to own her own problems and do something about it.
Nothing worse than a work place whinger who doesn't do anything to improve the situation. I also don't think it's got anything to do with u being pregnant she is just unhappy.
Get a moaning jar. Every time she starts tell her it's 50p in the jar, she prob doesn't even realise how much she goes on.
Does your boss sit in a separate room? Ask him (on paper) to join you for a couple of days. If she is that unhappy you would think he would want to understand why. Sounds like he is a bit useless.

Just tell your boss, have a word or im off on maternity early cos you cant stand been in same room as her. or your off on sick with stress / work related; that should do it.

nothing worse than people that constantly moan forever n ever yet do nothing about it, its like they enjoy moaning, you shouldnt have to put up with that.

Yes my boss sits in his own office, there is lots of little offices dotted about for each section, would be hard for him to sit in here as there is no room.
He is normally a really good boss but I think he is worried about what will happen if she just ups and goes as I'm off on ML soon, he would need to employ 2 new people. We all know why she doesn't like it as she makes no secret of the fact she thinks people are useless and how its the worst place to work.

I think I am going to have another chat with him about it, he is out a lot though so trying to catch him is difficult! Just don't want to sound like I'm moaning myself and being over dramatic if you know what I mean!

I wonder if part of her taking it out on you is because you maybe made the job a littlw more bearable and she is pi $$ ed off that you will be leaving her and going on Mat leave? I would have another word with your boss.

Put it in an email. I often find its v handy to have a paper trail, especially if you have already raised it with him and he hasn't done anything about it.
But honestly I'd try to manage it directly with her. You said you were good friends at one point so this implies you have had open communication in the past. Let her know you don't have that long left and you really don't want to spend that time moaning about others. You want to go off on maternity with good memories. If a direct conversation doesn't work, then next step is the boss.
I defo wouldn't let her behaviour dictate when you leave. Especially if she is the only thing making you stressed. You want all that precious mat time with your baby.
Take cake and coffee in, tell her positive vibes only and hopefully she will ask if she can be moved away from your happiness

I did wonder that dixiechick as not so long ago I would have felt the same if she were to leave, but then I have heard since that she has been saying things about me - well telling people I've said things when I clearly haven't! It is quite upsetting really as I've gone from working with someone I would call a really close friend to someone who seems out to get everyone, me included.

I wouldn't know how to put it in an email, I have worked here for a long time and my boss would think it strange that I didn't just speak to him!

I have tried the cake/biscuit and a chat but she is now dieting and tuts everytime somebody eats anything other than meat or veg
Day to day I try the usual light hearted conversations to try and make it bearable but even her favourite topic (her cats) don't even get more than one word answers!
Other than turning round straight and having it out nothing seems to work, and I'm not that type of person where as she is the type to dive straight in and scream and shout at me

If she dislikes her job she is probably resentful that you are leaving soon and she isn't! In her eyes, you are having up to a year off and she has to keep working. I think she's probably jealous - not of the baby but of the leave you will be taking. I had a bit of this before I went on leave at 32 weeks. They were all saying how bored I was going to be - I've loved every minute of being off so far (now 38 weeks).

I received some messages from my colleagues yesterday saying how hard I must be finding the heat - I'd much rather be sprawled out on my sofa eating ice cream than sat at my desk in an office with no air con and windows that are sealed shut!

Hmm I think maybe she does have a bit of an issue with you, whether it's some kind of jealously or not liking the fact that you won't be around much longer. I think I'd just have to ask her straight out if there's a problem as she never seems very happy and mention that you are struggling to work in the bad atmosphere