Possibility I'll be a single parent advice needed

[needahugbug]

Hi all. I'll try keep it brief. Been with partner 4 years he has 2 dc from previous relationship. Currently 17 weeks pregnant and although wasn't planned and parter wasn't happy to start off with he seemed to have had a change of heart and been fairly supportive. However I'm really struggling and I feel I'm going to have little say in things for example I said I would like to breastfeed and he said he doesn't think I should as won't know how much milk the baby is getting, it'll make my boobs sag and he knows people who have and their kids have ended up with illnesses etc. He is also constantly going on about how I need to be using oil on my tummy to stop stretch marks. When I mentioned I'd like to look more into using a birthing pool at the hospital again he wasn't exactly on board. I feel like when the baby comes along because I'm a first time parent and he's not that I'm going to be told how to bring up the baby. I have been wanting to be a parent so long but now I almost wish I could turn back time. I can't see how we are going to stay together I really can't so now I'm embarrassed of telling family and friends I'll possibly be on my own :(

I'm really sorry to hear about the kind of comments your partner has been making - they're really not what you need to be hearing! Does he honestly think he's more of an authority on breastfeeding than pretty much anyone else? As for the stretch marks comment ... have you got a good support network from family and friends? I'm willing to bet that they have noticed his comments and behaviour, and won't be happy about it either. There is nothing embarrassing about being strong enough to realise you can do this better on your own x

Re breast feeding ask for support from the midwives and put it on your birth plan that you intend to do it. Babies lose weight early on which is normal but scary. I went through this and gave mine bits of formula when desperate but only to take the edge off really. I'm still breast feeding now at over 3 months and keep some ready made but she hasn't had any for weeks and weeks. People tend to want to feed the baby but you can express some for that if you would like to.

Re feeling undermined as a parent- this baby is a completely new individual different to his kids so he won't know any better than you. Trust your instincts and ask the midwives/health visitors/ anyone else as many questions as you need to. There is also lots of info online for late night googling.

Enjoy your pregnancy xxx

Don't be embarrassed! You should absolutely not stay in an unhappy relationship just because you're worried what other people will think. What impact will that have on your child in the future? I grew up in a household where my parents were obviously not happy together and it was awful. I'd never put that on my children.

And as for the breastfeeding comment - tell him to fuck right off. You don't know how much milk the baby is getting?! Humans have been breastfeeding their babies for thousand and thousands of years. Somehow we've managed to keep the race going!!

Ridiculous comment from him regarding breastfeeding as you do know how much milk baby is getting i.e enough, as long as they are thriving.

I was a single mum with my first DS and it was nice not having the ex around to tell me what to do, how to look after baby etc. (we split up when I was pregnant). My mum was around a bit so were my sisters which was much nicer in the end.

You have got to look after yourself and there's nothing wrong with being a single parent, especially better to be your own than with some partners who make things worse!

Xx

Thank you all for your replies. I've just come back from my midwife appointment (went alone again :( and she was shocked at what had been said and said its my choice to breastfeed etc and do I really want to be with a controlling person. We listened to the baby's heartbeat so that was nice and cheered me up.

Your partner needs to be supportive of your decisions, you don't need that stress. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby. I for one hate it when someone thinks they can tell me what to do. My mother in law was trying to put me off breastfeeding but I stood my ground....iam the parent, my baby,my decisions

I am 36 weeks and broke up with partner of 9 years at the beginning of pregnancy. It gets easier by the day until you realise it's something you're meant to do without that particular person. You need to feel supported, whether it's by your partner or by yourself. And being bullied will disable your ability to support yourself. And having a bully for a partner is not a possibility. Move on and away. You will meet someone else with whom you can provide a healthy template for your child. I did. It happens. You are way stronger than you think and pregnancy only makes you even stronger than that.