Anxious

[Tealeaf321]

I'm 22 weeks now with ds1 but am so anxious about everything really but mostly pregnancy related. At first it would be I was worried I would miss carry, for every scan I've had so far I have been close to tears because I convince myself the sonographer will say I have had a mmc. I am now terrified because I haven't felt baby move for over a day and was using cleaning products yesterday so worried I've caused some damage. I was at delivery suite last week as I had reduced movements and they told me to go in just to reassure me but I can't keep going there as I'm clearly wasting everyone's time. I've just been speaking to a friend and her reaction was oh I was like that with dd, but her dd was stillborn so now I'm even more worried that it's mothers instincts. Please reassure me that you had terrible anxiety and you now have a healthy 2 year old who still keeps you up all night.

Anxiety in pregnancy is perfectly normal especially early on and when movement is less easy to detect.
So sorry to hear your friend had a stillbirth and it's always wise to monitor movements by kick counting but the majority of babies arrive safely and healthily you need to remind yourself of that.
I found solace in the early days looking at stats and probability as I was so nervous of mc. That may work for you it may not, I also bought a fetal Doppler off amazon which made me feels miles better every time I heard the HB. Again this is good for some but not others!
I think once your pregnancy progresses a few more weeks and your baby makes themselves more known to you with their patterns it gets easier.
Speak to your MW or dr about your anxiety as they can reassure you.
Most of all remember that worrying changes nothing and only makes you feel worse and that most pregnancies at your stage reach term and perfect babies are born.

I had terrible anxiety op and I have a 2.5 yr old napping upstairs! ☺

It really is awful because the pregnancy feels never ending. I also had a work colleague who had a stillbirth at the same time and it did make me worry more. Definitely speak to your midwife although mine didn't really offer me much support at least she was aware.

I'm now 24 weeks pregnant again and can feel it creeping back again, as like you my baby has a quiet day (every other day or so) but please don't feel like you are wasting anyone's time if you are genuinely worried about movement don't ignore it.

Have you downloaded the count the kicks app? It helped me to see that I was feeling movement I just wasn't always registering it if I was busy etc.

22 weeks is way too early to expect regular movements. I've just turned 37 weeks and the LO has never been regular in movements. That said, if you are worried of course speak to your midwife and go in if it helps you feel better- that's what they are paid for after all! I suggest also trying to tackle your anxiety by speaking to your midwife or gp about it and getting some support. I have had an MMC and EP so I do understand where you are coming from but it would be a shame if you weren't able to gradually relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Good luck!!

I'm feeling the same, now at 23 weeks, each day is getting that little bit better. I think with me its just taken such a long time to get to this point (years if trying), that I'm scared to get too attached, but it is kind of ruining the enjoyment. Some of it will be hormones too that's making you feel like this as your maternal instinct will be developing. I'm trying each day to make a conscious effort to bond with my bump now. I've started listening to natal hypnotherapy which is helping. Personally I found my midwife a bit dismissive and just wanted to refer me straight to peri-natal mental health when actually I just need a bit of reassurance that ita normal to feel like this. If you want someone to chat to who feels the same, feel free to PM me, we can get through it together xxx

I'm a very anxious person normally so when I was pregnant I was in overdrive, I constantly cried for the first 3 months thinking/expecting I would miscarry, then like you I was just waiting for something bad to happen. I think what helped me was the fact that there's nothing I could do to prevent bad things happening, these things just happen sometimes so worrying is pointless. I would always recommend being checked over for reduced movements however, but I'm in no way suggesting something is wrong- I was up the hospital every week with reduced movements, she was just being lazy each time I'm currently sitting with my 4 month old dd, while she's trying to grab my phone to get my attention I'm sure your outcome will be just as amazing as mine. I honestly never let myself imagine me having her because I was sure I wouldn't get that far, then when they handed me my 8lbs 3oz beautiful HEALTHY baby girl I was over the moon- no feeling like it! Please try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and appreciate the peace because in a short amount of rim you'll have a gorgeous bubba to run around after congratulations

Such a lovely post hellooo1, did the worry get better the further on you got? X

Thank you all for making me feel a little bit normal, I have spoken to a midwife when i went to delivery to get checked and she literally called me a weirdo. She was trying to be funny and lighten my mood I think and I didn't take her seriously but I have found a lot of people make me feel silly, even for paying for 2 extra private scans. I will mention to midwife at 25 week app but I'm not sure what she can do for me apart from follow me around with a doppler 24/7

Think this is just the start of parenthood. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should do, not do. I've had extra scans too, just to break up time between. I intend to have another one about 28 weeks just to see what he looks like 😃

Hi Tealeaf, I had a baby 16 weeks ago and I was anxious during pregnancy, I found this got particularly bad in the last few weeks, and especially when my due date passed. There were lots of times I couldn't feel my baby moving and I ended up going to and from the hospital lots for checks. Don't ever feel bad about being over cautious, it's always better to get checked. If I can give you any advice, it would be to be strong in telling your midwife how you are feeling. Mine didn't take my anxiety seriously but because it was my first baby I didn't really know what to do. If I have another baby in the future I will definitely be telling the midwife how I'm feeling. I was convincing myself that something bad would happen as "that's just my luck" but again if I had another baby I would try to think positively and remind myself that I can do this. Worrying won't change anything. You can too Tealeaf! I had a difficult birth but my baby is here now and it's all been worth it. I hope you can get on top of your anxiety. Good luck!

Yes I think the worry did ease the further along I got but never completely went, once you've got your beautiful bubba in your arms you can have a big sigh of relief haha. Don't be silly no one should make you feel weird for being a caring mummy! It's part of a midwives job to reassure you she shouldn't have ever made such remarks! And as for paying for 2 private scans.. Well I payed for 3 you're normal! Just relax

Oh you poor thing :-( Anxiety is just horrible. I'm 31 weeks this week and it has got better since 20 weeks. Before that I was an absolute nervous wreck as I had an early miscarriage last summer. So until the 12 week scan I worried there wouldn't be a heartbeat, then until 20 weeks I worried that I had cause some kind of defect by not taking enough folic acid or something. And everything was fine! And continues to be fine! Every time I see the midwife she is delighted with how my bump is measuring and with baby's heartbeat.

As others have said, 22 weeks is early to feel regular movement, and it can completely depend on where your placenta is whether you feel much at all.

Never worry about ringing the antenatal unit if you are concerned - that's what they are there for (As a former hypochondriac, I've found it a bit hard to adjust to the idea that I'm not wasting people's time!) That's rubbish that the midwife called you a weirdo - they're meant to encourage people to contact them when they have reduced movement. You did the right thing.

Have you spoken to your midwife or GP about your anxiety? There is so much support out there you can be referred for. Your doctor can refer you for cognitive behavioral therapy and they push you up the waiting list if you are pregnant. I'd highly recommend listening to some Hypnobirthing CDs too or trying meditation/yoga.

I personally wouldn't recommend getting a doppler, though I know some people find them reassuring. For me, I know that temporary reassurance only makes my anxiety worse in the long run.

You will get through this, I promise.

Hi Tealeaf321,

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling anxious. I am naturally very anxious myself and, although I haven't had children yet, this doesn't stop me from feeling anxious about whether I will be able to have children, whether when I do have them I will be a good mother etc.

I have seen a therapist for a long time and have learnt to deal better with my anxieties and I can recommend a few tips that have really worked for me (note: I am not a therapist myself, so these are just tips that have worked for me).

Breathing: this sounds silly, but breathing mindfully for 10 minutes a day can really make a difference to your state of mind. sit and observe your breathing, you don't have to do anything to change it

Understand how worrying works: It often feels like worries come from the outside and that you have no control over them. However, the reality is that worries may be triggered by external events, but it is your internal dialogue that keeps them running. We often focus on the “what if” of different scenarios, which only creates more worries. Understanding that your mind is creating this “worry spiral” is key to putting things into perspective.

Speak to a loved one: This sounds obvious but really helps. Speaking to someone who cares about you has been scientifically proven to help improve your mental wellbeing. Let someone else take care of you for once!

I recently set up YourMind (www.yourmind.co) because I realised that many people were facing the same struggles with stress and anxiety that I was. I have a lot of tips on there which I hope you will find helpful, feel free to check them out.

I always get anxious about pregnancy, currently 23 weeks with my third and have a healthy 2 and 3 year old. I tend to relax a bit after 24 weeks though, once the baby is viable and there are more kicks. Hope you relax a bit soon too and don't let anyone make you feel like a weirdo, that midwife sounds like a horror.

Oh Tealeaf, I really feel for you as I was so so anxious with my first pregnancy too. I worried about everything from day one but on the positive side actually that worry was helpful at times as it meant that I got the care and support I needed. And yes now I have a beautiful lively nearly three year old and number two on the way. Can you chat to your GP or ask your midwife to refer you to the midwife on the community team who specialises in antenatal anxiety/mental health as they might be able to offer you some support or reassurance? I saw a counsellor privately after my baby was born and that helped so much too, wish I'd got help sooner. And forget that unsympathetic midwife that you saw as it's always the right thing to get checked if you're worried. Take care, lovely, and you will get through this fretful time.