Dh thinks he won't be at first scan...how would you feel??

[Louisa111]

Preg with dc2.....dh works longs hours, very different hours to when I was preg with our first.
However he's been very different this time, almonst distant and bit uninterested in this baby. That hard enough to deal with ( this preg came as a shock to him) so I'm giving him time bug now he informs me he's very unlikely to be at the scan blaming work. As far as I'm
Aware he hadn't even spoken to his boss to get time off he's just saying he can't.
I can't help feeling very upset by this. I could understand if he was moving heaven and earth to be there but I'm sure he's not. If he's not there on the day I don't know how I'm
Gonna feel.... Upset, angry I presume.
How would you feel?? Anyone been in my situation?? X

YoungGirl, I'm 100% with you on it's not a spectator sport! I managed to get rid of him on pretence of asking him to get me a drink and popped DD out while he was gone no, actually it wasn't THAT easy buy that's how it worked out

If they genuinely couldn't get out of work because they were abroad, or at an essential conference, or were something like a surgeon or judge etc where it has a big knock on effect on other people that they weren't there that day, I would be upset - but I imagine it wouldn't be the first time in our relationship that something important had been missed because of their job.

If it's in the other 90% of jobs where it's not really the end of the world and they should be able to negotiate an hour or two off, a day working from home or a day's holiday so they can attend, I'd be pissed off and would imagine there is something else going on.

Mine works very long hours and has only been to a couple of scans for all three of hours.

He's not doing it on purpose. Work is important and you'll be fine on your own.

I really hope your scan is fine.
My first pg ended in an ERPC after finding a MMC at 13 weeks on this scan. I would want someone with me. Preferably my DH.

Mine hasn't been to any scans for this pregnancy (3rd), it doesn't bother me at all. I schedule my scans at times I can get away from work, and those are normally times when he has to be at work or looking after our other 2 kids. I think he was there for the 20 week scan for the other 2, that's it. Not a big deal to me at all.

#3 was a surprise to both of us, and I think he took the news better than I did tbh....if I thought he didn't want the baby that would be a problem. Sounds like there's more going on with your relationship than him missing a scan.

I'd be very upset.i tripped along happily to my first scan with my husband, thinking it would be lovely, only to be told I was very high risk of birth defects and was rushed into hospital for more detailed scans. Thankfully all was well, but it would have been hideous if I was on my own.

I am currently pregnant with our first DC and I had a scan at 7 weeks (fertility assistance) and I asked DH to come to that one and he really didn't want to (I would have been fine without him but I was genuinely concerned how it would go and wanted him to be able to drive me home if we got bad news). Even now says he was really bored (and honestly, it was pretty boring outside of the relief of seeing the baby in the sac and hearing the heartbeat). We basically saw the baby then sat there while they did measurements etc.

The NT scan is the first week of June and he's not coming to this one, basically because he doesn't want to and while I'm a little disappointed he isn't more interested in the baby, but to him it ISN'T a baby yet, so I understand why he is having a hard time bonding.

We're telling his family this weekend so we'll see if things change then!

I think DH came to 2 scans for DS and 1 for DD (not UK so scan every 4 weeks). I definitely had the first one (8 wks) on my own.

Yes, he can get time off in that he manages his own diary and isn't required to explain his whereabouts but it's too much hassle trying to get a time to suit both of us and I'd rather go on my own at a time to suit me!

Also, I'm one of those people who wants to be alone if it's bad news. Cant stand an audience when I'm upset or in pain.

Also, not being interested in scans doesn't translate to "not interested parent". DH does take time off for school concerts, always comes to parents evening etc. Is very hands on with the DC- we parent equally.

Thankyou for your comments. I just can't understand how he can be so excited to be at the scan for our first but not our second. He hasn't even asked for some time off.
We had a lot of fertility problems falling for our first so I never went back on any contraception... We both agreed if it happened it would be great if not then we are lucky to have one.
I'm so pleased it's happened again but I don't what's going on with dh xx

Dh couldn't be there for my 12 week scan (he was abroad with work) so we booked a private scan at 8 weeks, partly so that I'd have some support if there was a problem, partly to make him feel engaged in the pregnancy, and also (because there's a family history of twins) I didn't fancy breaking that news to him over Skype if it came to it. At 8 weeks we just saw a blob so it was a bit of an anticlimax, but I think it helped him to see the blob. He made it to the 20 week scan - he really wanted to know the sex - and was going to come to the consultant appointment afterwards, but had to leave before we saw the doctor because the scan took so long, and was gutted that baby wasn't playing ball to show any girl or boy bits.

I've been a SP since the second I found out I was pregnant with DD. I did everything on my own - scans, classes, appointments, etc. Never fazed me me a bit. I almost embraced it tbh, because I was super proud of myself in a check me out being all strong and independent and shit kind of way

However my situation was massively different to yours, and I think a lot of women would feel the same way as you. It probably hurts more if you're seeing some disinterest and distance from him during this pregnancy. Have you tried talking to him about it?