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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

maybe I'm being too sensitive but........

19 replies

sweetkitty · 30/05/2004 18:56

my mother has really, really wound me up again. Her best friends daughter is also pregnant and is having twins, they found out that it is twin boys my mum has this old fashioned notion that boys are "better" than girls and when I told her I was having a girl she said "well people don't mind that much first time around" I got to hear how excited her friends was having twin grandsons and that my mum was so excited to be buying for twin boys. She didn't even ask how I was.

She wasn't impressed when I told her I was going to try and have a baby and was less than excited when I told her I was pregnant. Every time she phones it just winds me up. When I last saw her (we love at opposite sides of the country) all she said was your ass is getting fat so it's definately a boy. Oh and she thinks I'm mad for wanting to breastfeed as bottle is best cos babies are more content and you know how much they are getting.

I can't stand the constant comparison poor her having a daughter that can only have one baby at a time and a girl at that! Sorry for the rant but I'm so angry.

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twiglett · 30/05/2004 19:10

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ScummyMummy · 30/05/2004 19:19

Good grief, sweetkitty. She sounds like a barrel of supportive laughs... not. Totally unsurprised that you are upset. It must be very hard hearing this sort of rubbish from your mum. I guess the important thing is not to "catch" her attitude. Try and show her how proud, confident and delighted you are to be pregnant with a beautiful daughter and she may pipe down, perhaps, and realise how lucky she is to have a wonderful daughter and granddaughter. Are the rest of your family any more supportive? Or your friends? It's nice if there are people about who think that your baby is fab just because she's yours, I think. Of course, we'll do our best to admire her from afar here at mumsnet central too.

GeorginaA · 30/05/2004 19:21

sweetkitty you have my complete sympathy but no practical advice I'm afraid I used to get so upset with the things my mother came out with when I had ds1 - what's annoying is she says similar things to what she hated about her own mother doing - she just doesn't see it.

I just hope to God I don't end up being the same when my kids have children of their own.

Funnily enough, as ds1 has got older and now ds2 is here, I've just ended up not discussing them as much with her and letting what she says wash over me (well okay, 50% of the time I manage that). I find that I'm more sure of myself now and don't crave her high opinion as much as I used to. That's made it easier to deal with.

Not sure I could advise on how to get to that point. Immunity to her utterances have just gradually happened over time. She still has the power to really hurt though.

Ronny · 30/05/2004 19:23

All I can say is your not alone, good luck.

Nimme · 30/05/2004 19:51

Sweetkitty - my mil is a bit like that. She doesn't actually mean anything by it but it drives me NUTS. Luckily I can limit our contact -even though she complains she doesn't see DD enough (it is her 4th grandchild).

I really don't know what to say except try not to take to heart. Or if you really can't bear it tell how it makes you feel - perhaps she isn't aware.

Hope it gets better

beansprout · 30/05/2004 22:21

Sweetkitty - I'm really sorry to hear that your mum is winding you up and that she isn't more excited and happy about your pregnancy. That must be quite hard. That said, I bet there are loads of people who ARE really excited about your pregnancy and all I can say is please surround yourself with them and enjoy yourself and their excitement/support. This is a really lovely time, and anyone, and I mean anyone who doesn't think that, will just lose out.

For what it's worth, I think it's fab that you are having a girl (as we rule!). Take care and good luck

Spod · 30/05/2004 22:56

sweetkitty... girls are adorable.. i always thought that when i had kids i would want a boy... but i had, and wanted a girl... and shes the sweetest cherub i have ever seen! yours will be too! its your mums loss. hope all is well with your pregnancy. xxx

Miaou · 30/05/2004 23:00

I've got two girls and wouldn't swap them for anything ... I know it's hard and you would swap any amount of support for a kind word from your mum .... but stay strong, follow twiglett's advice to smile and ignore, and draw strength from those of us who are supportive of you ... and enjoy!!!

Original poster

sweetkitty · 31/05/2004 14:38

Thank you everyone who took the time to give their opinion it means a lot. I think I'm going to leave it until the next time she calls and let her know that she upset me with her comments.

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Canadianmom · 01/06/2004 13:23

How awful for you! Try not to take it to heart as it sounds like it is more about her than you! I have coined the phrase 'Centre of Attention Deficit Syndrome' to describe MY mother who can't stand it when there is anything of interest happenning in someone else's life unless she can make it about her!
She has never had anything good to say about my parenting skills although she brags about her grandchildren endlessly! Odd really. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that you do live on opposite sides of the country? (I am thrilled that my mother lives on the other side of the world!)

BIBIBOO · 01/06/2004 13:44

SweetK,
Sounds like your mother is being a right pain in the a$$ - poor you! My gran is like a watered-down version of that, with her "boy babies are so much easier" and "your brother was always nicer/kinder/smarter/easier/happier etc as a baby than you were" - I just ignore it. It is hard to do that, but I'm sure whatever my baby is she'll love it the same. Just count yourself lucky she lives far, far away and you only have to suffer over the telephone!

If it gets really bad, tell her if she's that concerned the baby will be horrible because it's a girl, tell her she doesn't have to see her ... then watch her backtrack!

motherinferior · 01/06/2004 14:03

I'm so very sorry about your mum. And she's just plain WRONG of course.

Some fabulous people (like the ScummyOne) have twin boys (and very lovely boys they are too, I have to say), but boy oh boy am I glad I had my two gorgeous girls one at a time. And the shopping is definitely better, too.

Fio2 · 01/06/2004 14:09

god I hate that old fashioned notion that boys are better. We have a few of those type in our family and it really pi$$e$ me off. Your daughter will be wonderful and your mum will be smitten with her, more so than with her friends grandsons!!! Just take no notice that she has no tact. Know exactly how you feel though. I was one of 2 girls and my dads family were desperate for boys he went on to have 2 more daughters with someone else and then left her to make boys, so I hate hate hate this attitude. Didnt stop my gran telling me that my husband would not be happy if I had ANOTHER girl. i know for a fact he would have loved any child boy or girl. Sorry waffling!

sponge · 01/06/2004 17:36

I have the opposite problem. Already have a dd and dh was desperate for another one, but this time round it's a boy. Dh was devastated at first and I was really worried about his attitude but he's come round and is looking forward to having his little boy now.
Oddly enough my mum doesn't seem that interested in this pregnancy although she was first time round and we are very close. It's my dad who seems to be excited. But I know she'll be different when the wee fella arrives - she adores dd and I'm sure she will this one too, she just doesn't seem that interested in the process this time round.

Ronny · 01/06/2004 19:26

Canadianmom, I like that 'CADS'.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 02/06/2004 10:00

Good phrase CADS. I am going to have it out with her next time she phones. She phoned me at work on my mobile to tell me about her friends twin boys something she has never done (I thought something bad had happened) yet when I went for my scan I had to phone her 2 days later to tell her the sex of the baby even though she knew I was going to find out. I'm trying not to get stressed about it now.

I went out at the weekend and bought some lovely little sun dresses they are so cute people have been saying but what if it's a boy like I'm going to be disappointed. I would be delighted as well if it was a boy the old cliche as long at it's healthy (and I've kept the receipts)!

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Original poster

sweetkitty · 08/06/2004 18:37

Well had it out with her well kind of she said I was easily upset and that she never made out that boys are better than girls. She said she was excited about having a granddaughter and maybe it was because she just didn't show me it. Then she said "well it isn't the same as I'll never see her anyway" (she's in Scotland I'm in London)I said thats a load of rubbish and trust me not be able to get a fantastic job in our hometown like her friends daughters. To be honest she kept trying to change the subject I think I embarrassed her but I'm glad I told her how I felt even if it won't change anything.

Sorry but just had to rant somewhere!

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PotPourri · 09/06/2004 12:10

Good on you sweetkitty. You needed to get it out in the open. And that might stop her going on about these twin boys all the time to you. And don't you worry, once your little princess is here she will have such a different perspective!

Canadianmom · 09/06/2004 12:48

Sweetkitty: Rant away! Did I mention that I have yet to tell my mother or MIL that we are expecting again. I am 14 weeks and I am not ready to listen to the lectures as this will be our fourth and we already had both genders represented after 2 so we must be brain damaged to want more of the horrid creatures... Aren't parents a treat?! I just hope that my children will not be sat in front of their computers in 20 years ranting about us. We must really try and treat them as human beings that we love and respect.

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