Scared and guilty feelings

[mussy11]

Hi I am 16 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby I have 2 girls aged 10 and 7. Thought we would have one more to try for the long awaited boy and hey presto it happened we welcomed our son in November then in March we discovered we were pregnant again. Was on the pill but with the other medication I was taking it obviously failed. So I'm due 7 days before my sons 1st birthday. I feel guilty as I haven't had much time with him like I did with my girls also I am feeling bad as I'm not feeling excited about being pregnant anymore I'm so worried about how I will cope as my husband works away mon-fri. Any reassurance and words of wisdom will be greatly listened to. (Sorry for the long post!)

These feelings are totally normal, they will pass :) I've got abit of a larger gap than you. Will be around 16 months. But I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant with my 5th baby in December. I had ds4 last April premature. I hadn't wanted anymore children. It took some coming to terms with and it's only since my 20 week scan and feeling alot more movements (anterior placenta) it's starting to feel like the feelings of guilt and scaredness are easing. My boys are 7,5, 2.10 and 1, so my main fear was not being able to provide all of my boys with the attention they individually need as their all still quite young and massive mummys boys; but my health visitor gave me food for thought by saying that she was from a large family and she loved it and she never knew any different and that siblings have each other aswell as me and their dad...so told me not to worry. I start uni this year too so again worried and guilty about that, but I am just trying to remain positive and know it will work out. But it definitely is getting easier and I cannot wait to meet her.

I should add having ds4 was hard at the first but only because he was premature, but he's fitted right in, and ds3 who was still quite young was abit unsure of him at first, but they all adore each other now and it's lovely having four. I'm sure it will be the same for you. Congratulations

My step mum keeps reassuring me by saying babies bring their own love and my son won't remember the new baby not being here when he's older and they will be the best of friends growing up so I keep telling myself that. I just wish the guilt feeling would pass as its one of those things that I just have to deal. I think as a mum u get incredible feelings of guilt constantly on all different levels. My girls are really helpful and I hope that will remain my oldest is off to secondary school in September so again the guilt is there as I don't want the new baby to affect her start to her new chapter.

Well done to you and good luck with starting uni that's fantastic!!

Completely understand what you mean; but it's true we will always feel guilty for something, I think that comes with motherhood.

It will get easier, a pregnancy is a shock even when it's expected in all honesty, so when it is not, lots of emotions will come from it. Completely normal. By the time your baby is due I bet this guilt will have passed (and there will be another one instead no doubt ).

Thankyou :)

I also think you feel guilty no matter what.

When I read your story, I thought it is a little bit lucky. Like you, I am expecting a third after a gap. Mine will be a girl after two boys, and my two boys are great friends. I feel guilty that my girl will not have a sibling close in age. So, even though we are definitely done after this because I am old, DS is older, and concerns about my career and money, if it happened by accident I think it would be good for this third baby and there would be a blessing in having another "pair" of kids who get to grow up together. Then I would feel guilty about my age, DH age, my career, money, etc.

This baby was not in your plan, and it is absolutely fair to feel a bit scared and uncertain. I am sure the baby will be welcomed happily into your family and will turn out to be just what your family needs (because all babies do that).