Please help me feel better about giving birth!!

[Thelittleredhead]

Hi everyone,

I'm sure this is a feeling shared by many, many women. But, I'm 15 + 3 with my first, and I am already really feeling panicky about giving birth. I have a relatively high pain threshold and am not averse to drugs by any means but I have heard so many horror stories from friends about 'long and difficult' labours and emergency C-Sections, and long recoveries, and all the rest of it, that I can't help being terrified that it's going to be terrible and painful and it's already keeping me up at night.

I'm quite anxious a lot of the time at the moment anyway because the pregnancy wasn't planned, my ex isn't really interested and makes my life quite difficult, I'm scared of unplanned single motherhood and what that means for my life, my baby's life, my career, and the chance of me ever meeting anyone new, I feel like I'm grieving for the family I thought I was going to have with my ex, and everything's just a bit overwhelming. The thought of giving birth on top of all of that is...well, it's all getting a bit much.

Can anyone reassure me with less terrifiying labour stories? Is there anything I can do in advance to help make it easier, or prepare myself? How bad is it really?

It's only the horror stories you hear or remember at any rate! I have two children, both labours were very different and painful but not unbearable. My first was a hospital delivery and from going into labour contractions were pretty much without any space between. Labour was only six hours and I didn't have any pain relief just a TENS machine.

My second was a home water birth which was lovely and really helped. More traditional I suppose in that there were pain free times in between contractions. 16 hrs this time partly because I was so relaxed at home I think and again no pain relief.

It sounds like you have a lot going on which is perhaps making the anxiety worse. I found reading up and NCT class helped as the unknown is scary!

Good luck and congratulations !

Mine counts as one of the pretty bad end type stories so I'm not going to share the detail (v long labour, didn't go to plan so EMCS is the summary) BUT (and I know it's a cliché) as soon as DD was born none of it mattered at all. She was healthy and awesome and everything was brilliant (although I was saying I'd never do it again). Three days later - still sore, just starting the healing process and hadn't yet been discharged from the hospital - I told DH I'd "really quite like a second baby!" so even if it isn't quite as you hope you will cope and it will all be ok.

If you can afford it (perhaps as well as a supportive friend) in your circumstances I'd consider hiring a doula. You'd meet her a fair bit in advance, she can help you plan your birth, will advocate for you and help keep you calm during, will have the knowledge to help guide you through what's "normal" and just be a generally supportive presence. My friend's doula also helped her get breastfeeding established properly and helped her around the house popping in once or twice a day for a few weeks after.

I was terrified of giving birth but honestly it wasn't that bad. Yes it hurt but the midwives were all lovely and I ended up coping much better than I thought.
By the time I couldn't cope (crowning!) it was nearly over if that makes sense and I managed to find the last bit of energy as he was so close to being born.

I had a 4 hour labour with gas and air and diamorphine, no stitches and came out unscathed so none of the horror stories I had heard so much about.

None of the horror stories I was warned about happened. I wasn't refused pain relief and was supported by the midwife at all times which made the difference i think. I had been worried about forceps etc but the midwives assured me that if that happened that they would support me through it and i felt much better that I was in good hands should that happen, but at that point all I wanted was a healthy baby anyway so would have done anything to get him out safely

Well - I do feel a bit better now, thank you all for being so lovely and honest!

Now I just have to get over my lifelong fear of the idea of pooping in front of anyone, ever. I hear that happens a lot.

littlered I was worried about the poop thing too
But my dear old mum was right: all dignity goes out of the window during childbirth!!
I ended up giving birth completely naked because the room was so hot, I pooped on the bed, vomited on my husband (because of gas and air) and peed all over the midwife's arm when she threatened to insert a catheter

I've had three straight forward, relatively short labours and two of them were inductions. if I could go back to a moment of time it would be the first time I held each of my babies.
And as for the pooing, yeah it happens but the midwives just deal with it discreetly. you may not even be aware. I was aware but I didn't care (much)

If it's unbearable you can opt to do it numb from the waist down.

Please try not to worry about pooping.

If it does happen, the midwives will have seen it all before and will deal with it discreetly without making an issue of it.

Just to mention the horror stories - I wish I had heard more of them in advance! I was one of those "trust your body" people and it didn't work out for me at all, and it came as a terrible shock.
So maybe it's not just that people are showing off, it's they they want to warn others!

OP I had a tricky time with DC1 but DC2 was a dream birth and DC3 is now imminent so I'm obviously not too traumatised. Regardless of outcome, you really will be fine!

I was exactly like you, really bloody scared.

Turns out it really hurts but not as much as I expected if that makes sense,I managed to have DS with 4 paracetamol, no gas and air at all, literally just paracetamol. Apparently I hide my pain well, midwife didn't believe I was as far along in labour as I really was.

By the time I was thinking oh bugger, I can't do this anymore without drugs, give them all to me RIGHT NOW. I was actually 10cm dilated and DS was born 50 mins later. From my waters breaking to holding DS, it took 11 hours and 3 minutes.

I wasn't intending on no drugs, just turned out that way this is not a stealth boast!

Good luck OP and do not under any circumstances watch OBEM, it'll terrify you

And I promise it's all worth it in the end

I had two tough births. The first one was very long and led to a hemorrhage for me. The second ended in a crash c section after a cord prolapse- probably exactly most people's idea of a worse case scenario.
BUT... I now have two wonderful children who make me laugh and smile every single day. I wouldn't be without either and I'd do it again in a heartbeat to get my two precious girls.

Everyone seems to love to tell the horror stories, but I found that the people who had had good birth experiences sneaked up to me in private shortly before I went off on mat leave to tell me their stories.

Unlike a lot of PPs I also watched every OBEM and similar programmes that I could find. I am a research scientist so I suppose it's my nature to do the research I wanted to know every possibility, what could go right and also what could go wrong. For me, that made the unknown into the known and so less frightening.

I ended up with a happy hippy drug-free water birth, which was not at all what I had planned or expected

My birth plan first time round was to do as I was told. As it turned out I had to as I was so ill and the best outcome at the time was to survive and have a live baby at the end of it. Emergency section and a month in hospital. We both came through relatively unscathed and 4 years later you'd never know that DS was born 2 months too soon. Second pregnancy was much more straight forward and while I hoped for a more positive experience, the end goal was a healthy outcome for me and baby regardless of delivery. As it happened I had a fairly easy quick labour. As I said before I think I was lucky but going to daisy birthing classes helped me stay positive and calm not during transition mind!. What I'm trying to say is what will be will be and stay focused on the end goal.

Oh and re the indignities of childbirth, I pooed on floor as soon as I met the midwife. I had absolutely no control and she whipped it away so quickly that DH didn't even notice! I was too in the zone to really notice either. Once DD was born and the doctor was stitching me back up I farted in his face!! I apologised but he didn't seem at all fazed. All in a day's work I guess

My birth was absolutely fine.
My waters broke unexpectedly at 35+5. I went into labour later that day and DD was born 5 hours later. There was no point where it didn't feel manageable. I had a tiny first degree tear that never troubled me after. They aren't always terrible. Don't read the horror stories, just try and enjoy your pregnancy.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but wanted to reassure.

Waters broke tv style in the high street 1500. Went home for bag and to change my clothes. Got to hosp at 2/3cm. They suggested I went home but I like medicine and being near docs (;-) so asked to stay. They moved me to a holding room - 1730. I asked to be checked again as was in pain which they did (unwillingly) at 1830. Was 9cm and rushed up to labour ward. Gorgeous little boy in my arms at 1855. It was brill! My DH assures me I didnMt think this at the time but it was just so fast and not anything like as traumatic as I had imagined. Good luck xx