I briefly touched upon my concern about particular family members in another post and was given some brilliant advice!! However, as the birth of my little one gets closer, I'm becoming more and more worried about the involvement of particular family members with my baby.
One family is really getting to me and I have no clue how to deal with them. I hate to say this but I'm really worried about ever having to leave my baby in their care!!
When I found out I was pregnant said family was over the moon stating 'grandchildren are the reason they were put on this earth!' However, since my partner and I announced that we are having a little girl, said family member and their partner, have very clearly shared their disappointment stating 'they had hoped their first grandchild would have been a boy.' This got worse when said family members actually offered to pay for a private scan to double check our baby's gender. When i politely declined, to my face said family member states ... 'Well if your baby does turn out to be a boy that will be a massive bonus to us!'
Of course this has upset me, and I feel like I have let these family members down, even though I'm having their grandchild and now, this has gotten a lot worse and is starting to affect my relationship with my partner!!
Although I know my partner is looking forward to being a Dad (he has wanted a baby for ages) he has shown a lack of interest since hearing said family's opinion about us having a girl! I really have to nag him to get him to be interested in the plans for this little one!! But I've noticed that when my partner doesn't spend time with these family members he is excited and involved with our baby, and comes up with plans for day trips etc!!
My partner and I were discussing baby names the other day and he told me that he isn't really bothered what we call the baby and that it is my choice - he just wants to make sure he gets his boy moving forward! I knew he said this as a result of the shared disappointment from the family in question, but it absolutely broke my heart!! My partner even told me that he doesn't really want to sign our baby's birth certificate, or to have his name on it, because said family member has told him that if he does, our baby will be 'owned by the government and bound by the laws of this country!' The only reason he has agreed to put his name on our baby's birth certificate is because I told him signing the birth certificate gave him legal rights over our daughter (I know that probably wasn't the best thing to say but it was the first thing that popped in to my head - he now wants to make sure he has access to our baby if we ever split up so is willing to do it!!) I feel like all the exciting little things we should be doing together the two of us, have been robbed from us now because of this family and their influence over my partner :(
There are so many other things that are happening with this family ... They are purchasing items for the baby because they believe they are better than what I have bought, said family have told me that my daughter will be involved in the family hobby even though I said she may not want to. I've been constantly 'told' not to do things in case it hurts their grandchild and that some things I am doing will give bad luck to my baby, and this has continued throughout the whole of my pregnancy that I feel like an absolutely shite person!!
I can't even talk to my partner about this anymore because he becomes really defensive about said family members!!
I absolutely hate the fact that I have written this post and I feel like I am betraying my partner here but I seriously don't know what to do! I feel like I'm a bad person and a bad mother for disagreeing with this family but I've had to put up with this for the whole of my pregnancy and I am terrified about how this is going to continue when my little one is born. This should have been, and should be moving forwards, a magical experience and it has been an absolute nightmare!!
Im terrified of standing my ground with this family as I don't want to loose my partner or cause any grief between us all! Plus, as I've been made aware several times, said family members are the type of people who won't take any bull from anyone and, because of this, I feel that i can't say anything!!
And my partner is in a difficult situation because he is torn between them and me.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?? What do I do?! How can I protect my baby without coming across as a complete cow to my partner? Do I just stay quiet and keep my concerns to myself?! Or am I completely overreacting about them and am in need of a smack?!
I would really appreciate any advice that anyone has :)