I need support not a bashing, please help me.

[Inneedofserioussupport]

I've name changed for this. If you recognise me please just pretend you don't

I've struggled with severe body image issues my entire life. I'm obsessed with my weight. What I've eaten, how slim my body looks etc.

I really improved since I had my daughter as I didn't want to pass this affliction on to her, I was less neurotic, I wouldn't mentally analyse and list in my head, starve myself or weigh myself often. I was even beginning to enjoy just letting go and enjoying a meal or indulgence without feeling guilty or shameful.

I'm now pregnant again (14 weeks) and it's getting really bad I'm OBSESSING about what I've eaten/ plan to eat/ mentally list the foods I've eaten, write a list of everything I've eaten on my phone, I'm only actually having 1 solid meal and a few snacks a day... Everything else is being blended into a smoothie.. the scales are fluctuating massively and it's making me worse. According to them I've gained 8lbs today and 10lb over the last 14 weeks I know this is ridiculous but I'm bordering on obsessed.

I've been really tired and felt very faint lately and I tell people I must be anaemic but in my heart I know it's because I'm not eating properly.

I'm taking my pregnacare Max and iron water. Everything I eat is nutritionally beneficial and I'm probably having around 7-10 portions of fruit and veg a day but I'm eating very few if any carbs. I'm not worried about the baby as I know that baby will take from me but I'm worried about myself

I need to sort this out. I've never been this bad. I can't even exersice to try to make myself feel a bit better due to disability which means I can't even go for a walk. Food is my only way of controlling my figure. What do I do?????? I accept I need to gain weight for the pregnancy (my pre pregnancy weight is 21.6 so I'm not underweight) but I'm panicking at the thought of gaining more than necessary.

Please help me

My pre pregnancy BMI*

No bashing for you you are very brave to post this and I hope it's the first step towards things getting better for you. Have you spoken to your midwife? I remember mine worrying about the ketone level in my urine samples and she was right to suspect it was due to under eating (in my case was pushing myself too hard at work and not taking lunch)

I think you need to go and see your Dr or midwife and show them what you wrote. They will have access to the right services to send you to. I also think you are very brave for admitting this. Well done for saying it at all. The first step is the hardest. Now you need to take the second.

I too think you are so very brave for writing your post!!

After reading your post I feel that, you are actually acknowledging that your baby is better than your weight concerns and this is a good sign....you clearly want to do right by your baby and your body and you are doing just that by sharing your experience here :)

I think talking with your GP will help, especially if they are able to recommend other services or ways to help you feel better!

Just remember, pregnancy affects us all in different ways and, however it makes us feel, act, be etc ...it doesn't make us bad people :) Just human!!

I really hope you manage to feel better super soon lovely

I totally understand how you feel, as someone who has suffered from disordered eating myself I think you're very brave for putting this into words.
I would recommend a councillor and just making a food plan to at least have three small meals a day.
I really hope you can get some help

I think you write a letter (that covers what you've said here and ask for help) and take it to your gp or midwife and hand it over. Or once you're there and you do feel able to just tell them everything then don't hand over the letter, but have it with you in case you feel you have not told them everything. I tend to under sell my problems with medical people which is silly. You will hopefully feel a bit of relief for just getting the ball rolling for the support you need. You really do need help and there is nothing wrong with asking for it. Good luck X

I don't really have any advice beyond what others have said but just wanted to second the recommendations to go and seek some help by telling your doctor right away. It sounds like some talking therapy from a specialist could really help you here. You've been so brave to write this and acknowledge your issues. They are not your fault, but help does exist and now is the time to seek it. I really hope you can take the next step and send you lots of courage and good wishes for the future 💐

Thank you everyone.

I'm going to try to talk to my midwife x

Maybe you should chuck your scales in the bin ive just done so because I cab be a little obsessed with checking them.

Ive never really had a problem with food or weight but when I was pregnant with ds I was huge (over eating and not moving) and after he was born was miserable this time I've I swore to myself I wouldn't gain unnecessary weight, this time I didn't gain a pound until 20 weeks since then ive got up steadily every weeks which ive found a bit upsetting I cant really explain why because its not a huge amount its prob the right amount but I still felt a bit panicked getting rid of the scales and following the healthy eating plate guide ds got from nursery has helped me feel in control without obsessing.

Do speak to your mw and maybe find a group where you can feel supported and understood.

Well done OP. Let us know how you get on.

How are you doing? Have you managed to speak to someone? I would strongly recommend writing it all down adn then just giving it to them. It is so much harder to say face to face with someone and you might forget things if you try.

I hope all is going better now.