depressed in pregnancy

[Janw]

Hi I am new to this site and need to hear from any other mums who have experienced depression during pregnancy. I am first time preganant and am at about 21 weeks. Far from the feeling the elation I imagined, I have so far felt overwhelmed, fear, confusion and not wanting to get out of bed. All very negative. I feel very guilty about this as everyone around me is happy including my partner. I don't know why I feel so depressed about this as i always had wanted to have a child. NOw i'm thinking that I'm not up to the task and am making a mistake.
Help anyone??!!!

welcome to mn janw,
well it look's like your hormones have really kicked in. i wouldent worry to much i think everyone goes through this one min your laughing the nxt your crying or jumping down your partner's neck (lol)
i suffer with it after birth and i think that is when they start to worry, what you can do is have a little chat with your midwife i did and they have boked me in this time round to have a chat with my consultant so i can disscuss how we can try and stop it this time. what i would say is talk dont bottle thing's up tell people how you feel when did you start feeling like this??

This is quite common. Relax! You are embarking on a huge adventure without any real clue as to how it is going to affect your life. Of course you are going to feel scared. Have a good think. Let yourself be scared and then make plans for how you are going to deal with the specifics that your are worried about. You will be fine!! It is great being a mum. Just make sure you get a lot of sleep before hand!!!!! Good luck.

Janw, I was exactly the same before DS1 (I didn't get chance with DS2!)...just try to chill out, relax and get ready for your new baby. Eat well, sleep well and plan for your new arrival. I had wanted a baby for ages and when I was pregnant could not understand why I felt so sh*t all the time and so very apprehensive....remember your hormones are kicking in and you are about to make a major (enormous life change), please don't worry!

I was totally depressed for my first trimester but ok since then. I don't 'enjoy' being pregnant alot of the time, it is very difficult. I'm taken over by it and not capable of focussing on anything much else so now I'm just going with the flow as I know it all passes and changes again (this is my fourth)
Also becoming a mother is such a big thing and overwhelming at times. But it is also amazing. You can get treatment and I have found mn to be fantastic help!

Janw you can be refered to the specialist pregnancy unit at the hospital which deal with depression/anxiety - you could ask your midwife/consultant about it.

Must admit I am not a great lover of being pregnant and was the same last time. For what it is worth I felt so much better post birth and it was such a relief. I kept smiling throughout the sleepless nights with DS1 because it was so much better than the pregnancy.

For some reason pregnancy does not agree with me - I love my baby to bits which is why I am pregnant again and it does help this time to know it will all be worth it in the end.

Please don't hesitate to talk to you midwife - I felt awful in my first pregnancy because I thought I was the only one who felt down. I have since discovered it is actually quite common. big hug.

Janw, I know exactly how you feel. I think this pregnancy, even though it is my third, has been my first real experience of 'grown up' depression. Even though you know it's hormonal and will pass, when you're 'in' it, you can't see past it. Just a big black hole! Lethargy. Not even wanting to see friends. Have had 3am sessions crying in the bathroom in self-pity and despair. Couldn't discuss it with the midwife because I didn't want to cry in front of her (ridiculous, I know!).

At the core of it was the fear I wouldn't be able to cope with 3, and was really worried that depression in pregnancy would affect the baby's temperament, lead to post-natal depression, split me and my husband up, the works!!! Totally irrational, and you just have to hold onto the fact it's irrational / blown out of proportion even when you don't believe it because you do come out the other side.

I'm MUCH better now I've moved to a nicer environment and got rid of some other issues that were playing on my mind. Can just focus on kids and pregnancy. Even starting to feel glimmers of excitement!

If it comes back, I'm going to try a) denial, and b) lowering my standards even further!

Janw, there could be so many reasons behind your feelings. There is such a condition as antenatal depression. It is a very real condition and deserves medical help. There are certain antidepressants you can take during pregnancy. Why don't you go along and speak to your doctor, see if they can help you. I am expecting no 6 btw, pregnancy is a tough call. The difference now is that I know it is only for a short time. Good luck

Janw - I remember reading a newspaper article my mother cut out of the daily Telegraph for me on antenatal depression.

I seem to recall it stating that new studies are showing it to be almost as common as postnatal depression.

If you go onto the telegraph website and search their archives you may be able to find it - if I can manage it I'll try a link.

Had quick search for article but can't find it - however, on the bbc website, in the radio 4 section for women's hour there is an archive broadcast on antenatal depression which you can even listen to on your PC! Apparantly it is thought as many as one in ten pregnant women suffer.

I felt like this too Janw. I'm expecting my first in March, and it wasn't a straightforward conception. This is our 'miracle' baby. I'd always wanted to have a child, then - when I got pregnant - I found I'd never been so miserable (terrible mornig sickness didn't help).

One thing I would say is, try and let go of the guilt. There's no point telling yourself you're 'supposed' to feel a certain way - you feel how you feel. Pregnancy is tough physically and emotionally, and while those around you are happy for you (which is great), I'm sure if you really tried to talk to your partner/Mum about it they'd listen. If you don't think they would, try writing everything down and letting them read it.

Repeat what other have said, this will pass. In the meantime, keep coming onto MN. Have you joined an antenatal thread yet? I've found mine incredibly helpful.

Janw, I know how you feel. This is my first pg, and was totally planned, but literally from the first moment I found out I felt really flat. I feel pretty ambivilant about being pregnant, and everyone keeps saying 'you must be so excited!', but I'm not very good at keeping things to myself so instead of just agreeing with people it all comes tumbling out how no I don't feel excited and actually I am just bloody scared, unhappy, and cross at all the things that I now can't do and everything that is going to change. So not only to people probably think I am a bad mother-to-be, they also think I'm a loon!
There is a thread on antenatal depression on the antenatal clubs page, some of the messages are quite old, though we have started using it again, but it's just good to know there are other people out there feeling the same.
My biggest problem is I always want everything to be perfect, and now I know that my mum and my friends will look back at me being pg and say 'oh, she didn't deal with it very well', and I thought I wold love it, I hate people thinking that I'm not coping.
Have alook at the other thread, and please just be honest about how you feel, even if it is just to us, it will make you feel better than if you think you are the only one going through it.

Hi janw here again. I'm away at the minute so haven't had a chance to post until now. Wow thanks so much for the messages regarding feelinｇ down when preggers. I felt really touched by all these messages and identification that you have written. So I'm not the only one. I'm going to take on suggestions and also have a look at the antenatal thread on depression. It's so helpful and I felt quite emotional looking at all the supportive and non-judegemental replies I got. Has anyone out there had any experience of taking anti-depressants during pregnancy?? Lol

Janw again. and message for bumperlicious. I too suffer from the wanting to be 'perfect' syndrome but I don't think theres's such a thing to being perfect. I take heart from what other mums have said who've felt quite down whilst pregnant, that once you've had the baby, it'll have all been worth it and make much more sense than now. We must stop judging ourselves because everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. Though of course I wouldv'e loved to have felt differently through this pregnancy, all I can do is take some steps to help. Anyway all the best, I'm sure it gets better!!

Janw, have not had any experience of taking anti-depressants during pregnancy but there are some which are safe take in 2nd/3rd trimester which your GP/MW can advise on. If you are refered to ante natal depression unit they can offer counselling as an alternative/addition.

From my experience you honestly will feel better post baby and if you don't then keep seeking help as is perfectly normal - we all react differently to the various hormones in our body.

It is easier for me as I have been through this before and I know it will be worth it in the end and my hormones will settle down. Please don't be frightened of how you feel - there are loads of mums to be who are exactly the same.

there is a support thread and a website set up by Rhubarb for AND..will try and find it

link to support thread