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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Is it just me? I need to find a way to tell people to stop being so frickin' rude.

35 replies

Flossiesmummy · 19/04/2016 11:32

Does anyone else feel like this is their life all day every day at the moment? I just needed a proper rant to expel some of the pent up frustration. Is it just me? Or do 90% of people love to make pregnant women feel bad?

It’s rude to comment on other people’s weight. It is not necessary to do so, and it might upset them, so we don’t do it.

So answer me this: why did I (and thousands of other women) become fair game the moment I became pregnant? You wouldn’t dream of telling a woman you knew that she’d gained a few pounds. But a pregnant woman? They frickin’ love that stuff! Knock yourself out!

Just in case you’re not hearing the frustration and sarcasm in my words – we don’t. I’ve had enough of strangers passing comment on my size.

Here’s a round up of just some of the comments I’ve had since it became evident I was expecting again.

“How long have you got left? Are you sure? Have you perhaps got your dates mixed up? You’re huge!”
“You look bigger every time I see you!”
“Stand back everyone! She’s not going to fit through otherwise!” snigger
“Are you sure there’s not two in there?”

Interestingly, I have told strangers on a few occasions that I am indeed expecting twins (I’m not) and I’m met each time with the same response. It’s a sort of disappointed “oh, right”, which sort of proves that the person making the comment wanted you to say “no, just one” so that they could make you feel bad for being so huge.

Now believe me, I am fully aware that I have a huge bump. My midwife has confirmed that my bump measures well above the 90th percentile. I have a mirror. I’m not an idiot. I looked exactly like this the first time I was pregnant. My mum says she did too. It’s just genetics.

Last time it took me ten days to lose the weight I’d gained in pregnancy. This time around, I’ve actually gained a little less weight. I honestly can’t help the way my body decides to make the next little miracle to arrive on this planet – I’m just pointing out, I suppose, that it’s not my fault. (I’ve just realised I’m defending myself, and that perhaps makes a point in itself – if I need to explain why I’m getting rounder, that perhaps indicates I’ve received one too many negative comments).

Sorry about the rant – I just needed to vent. I’m so totally sick of every conversation I have being about how monstrously big I am. It’s monotonous and tiresome and rude.

To sum up I’ll paraphrase Bridget Jones: you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete whale. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like a whale most of the time anyway.

drops mic

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
cheekstime · 20/04/2016 16:23

society obsessed with size!

cheekstime · 20/04/2016 16:27

btw - should say how horrible is that? for them to keep sayign how they coudlnt tell. they are overweight think they thought my 20wk bump (which was huge) looked like a normal body.

Taking into account they used to look down on me beign too skinning before I was pregnant but only implied never said. GET STUFFED! thanks for the rant invite!!!

such annoyng people, I'm already not looking forward to putting my foot down when they see baby

purplemeggie · 21/04/2016 13:00

It starts with bump size, but it's a baby thing generally. I'm having triplets (yes, my bump is mahooosive...I'm 24 weeks, measuring 40) and people think it's okay to ask if they're natural. (Well, they're not made of plastic, but we did need a lot of fertility treatment....think about the fact that our only ds is 8 for a moment...) - and I know that when they're born, they'll think it's okay to ask if I'm breast- or bottle-feeding. Somehow people think these deeply personal questions are acceptable just at a time when we're at our most vulnerable.

I've learned to embrace it and I honestly don't mind...after 6 years of ttc, I love my enormous bump and nobody can bust that bubble. And if anyone chooses to comment about how I parent/feed/clothe my babies when they arrive, I think I shall smile sweetly and invite them to come round for a day and show me how it should be done!

YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut · 21/04/2016 13:39

No one had said a word to me about being fat, and I suspect that's because I actually AM fat, as well as pregnant, and so no one dares to comment! Although I haven't actually gained much weight at all. I didn't start looking properly pregnant until about 27/28 weeks.

GinaBambino · 21/04/2016 14:03

It is awful! I am 33 weeks and although I get a lot of comments as I work with a bunch of pigs blokes who all think I'm fair game, I do laugh along with them and call them back. My boss's belly is bigger than my bump so I normally bully him back about that!

I've had random people telling me I'm massive (baby is tiny and I have put little to no weight on so eff off) to people rubbing my bump in the street saying I'm full of water (no I'm not, I think I believe a medical professional rather than you love). it's annoying and insensitive and I get it but some people just say it because they have no idea what else to say and insulting you is clearly better than keeping quiet. As Thumper in bambi said' if you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all'

my DP still hasn't learnt the art of subtlety, and comments often about the size of my bump, normally before I twat hit him or politely tell him where he can shove his 'compliments'

CharlyWooplus2 · 21/04/2016 15:26

I'm 34 weeks - when I went to the hairdressers the other day, they asked me if I wanted trash or fashion magazines. So I asked for 'trashion', and made a joke that I needed something somewhere in the middle, because I can't really buy any clothes right now anyway. Cue the hairdresser asking me if I had thought about slimming world once the baby was born!!! She went on about it having worked for her friend for about 5 minutes. I was so shocked and really really upset inside - I'd gone there for a boost, not to be told I essentially needed a diet plan in 6 weeks! I am a size 12 with a bump measuring slightly small for dates...GRR. I wish people wouldn't comment!

JessieMcJessie · 22/04/2016 14:20

It's a tricky one. I am 21 weeks and my bump, combined with the style of dresses I wear, is at the stage where it's fairly obvious that I am pregnant and not just eating too many pies.

A few people have commented on it and, as this is my first and we had to have IVF, I am pretty delighted that it's now noticeable. However nobody has made anything that I might construe as a dig about my diet or lifestyle - that WOULD piss me off.

I was also asked yesterday by a colleague, whom I don't like very much, "when is your baby due?". I knew that he was only assuming from looking at me, not that he would have been told by anyone that I was pg. I was REALLY tempted to say "Sorry, what's that Bob? Oh no, I'm not pregnant, just can't seem to stop putting on weight", then run off in faux tears.

I didn't though, and in fact we had a nice chat about when his kids were born and I now dislike him a little less.

Cerseirys · 22/04/2016 14:40

I got asked by some creepy guy at work if I had twins in there. I only put on 10lb in pregnancy and was never that big!

Anyway, my instincts that he was creepy proved right as he was later fired for watching porn at work...

MusicIsMedicine · 05/05/2016 17:02

I get totally pissed off with this crap too. Total strangers wandering up and commenting and asking how many weeks then adding some random comment as if they have a right to comment on my body. I have HG and have battled non stop to get any weight on and it pisses me the f*ck off when people rattle on about being small as if I'm doing it wrong or have control over it.

I wouldn't dream of going up to someone not Pg and saying wow haven't you stacked the lard on, or, oi you're a bit small, eat more...so why does it suddenly become ok for every asshole around to offer their unwarranted opinions and "advice."

FoxgloveStar · 05/05/2016 18:21

People are dicks.

I've had "hello chubby", "how much weight have you put on??!", "your face doesn't actually look that fat"

I just give them evils or "really...?"

I agree with OP, why does pregnancy open the doors for comments on my appearance.

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