12 weeks pregnant - might be depressed

[Earlyday]

I'm not sure if I'm depressed - I hope I am because I don't want this just to be me.

I've had 4 miscarriages so should be happy I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Although one miscarriage was at 13 weeks so I know nothing is guaranteed.

I know I should be happy to be pregnant but I felt nothing at the scans when I saw the baby. I preparing myself for it not working out. I didn't feel any joy - just 'oh, it's still alive...' With DS1 and DS2 it was magical seeing the scans.

I feel run down - I've just starred taking iron. Maybe that will improve things.

I'm managing to go to work but spending all my time at home in bed as I feel run down. I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I just lie in bed all day looking at my phone. I know living like this would make anyone depressed. I'm not sure if I'm stuck in bed because I'm physically not able to be up and about or if it's depression or a mixture of both.

I'm not sure if it's the sickness that's making me depressed - or if it's the depression that has me stuck in bed.

I don't have any interest in meeting people. DH is gone over to SIL's and normally I love going too but I have zero interest. I just feel like my personality is very flat at the money and I have hardly anything to say.

It doesn't help I haven't told people I'm pregnant so I have to put on a happy face when I meet people and pretend I don't feel like weak and sick. I just don't want the pressure of everyone knowing I'm pregnant in case in doesn't work out. Last time people in work were wishing me luck when I went for a scan and then I hated telling them all it was another miscarriage.

I feel irritable and annoyed at people. Then I feel like I'm horrible because everyone else seems so pleasant and happy.

I have had an exceptionally rubbish time over the last year and a half between the miscarriages and two other major things so maybe it's no wonder.

The hospital offered that I could come in an talk to some social worker (not sure who exactly) but it sounds a bit pointless. I just wish I was someone else that's happy and not me!

Ante-natal depression is a very real entity, sparked by changes in hormones. My DD had this very badly indeed. Do not ignore it.

As someone who's suffered from depression it sounds very much like depression to me. Apparently depression during pregnancy is just as common as ppd, just not talked about as much. Plus you certainly have a lot of reason for it to be triggered. See your GP, you can be referred for counselling, some antidepressants can be ok to take if you need them but most of all you just need to make sure they're aware.