8 weeks today, totally unable to do any work

[paperdoll]

Another day of looming deadlines and here I am on mumsnet again, getting no work done. Realize this inability to focus is common, but it is truly worrying me, as I just have SO MUCH work to do ... have been stressing about it before falling asleep each night. My job was mentally demanding even when I wasn't pg, and now ... well, I'm just not sure how I'm going to cope. Over the next few weeks, colleagues will be expecting things to be done and I'm afraid I just won't get them done.
I can't be the only one, right? Where are all the stressy career women on these boards? Obviously, in a separate part of my brain, I am also just feeling (cautiously) cheerful about being pg, but that doesn't mean the work thing just fades away.

You may simply have to lower your expectations of your work output for the first trimester IME. Use every shortcut you know/dream of for this time. It is truly the most draining time I found, even more than the gargantuan, can't move easily, weeks 37+

For what it's worth, at some time around the start of the second trimester I perked right up physically and mentally and sustained an energy drive right up to 32 weeks, although I did get RSI from the PG which was a challenge. As my focus started to encompass how i imagined a new family would work for us I got incredibly focused and efficient (not that I wasn't before >cough cough

forgot to add it was good in my case to tell managers, because they quietly shorted some of the workflow around me until I was ready after my 12 week scan to tell everyone the news. That only worked though I gues because they were a) humane and b) scared of how they coped if i went off sick.

sorry - this is a long reply!

Thanks for that; it's really helpful. It's just so awkward because even if I lower my own expectations, it is not easy to lower everyone else's, y'know? I guess I'll need to just accept that I might have to let people down a bit on deadlines, and trust that they will learn later (assuming the pregnancy works out OK) that I had a good reason.

The thing is, I don't know how common this is, but: until I got pg I had no real concept of how draining early pregnancy could be. It sounds daft now, but I just thought, OK, a bit of tiredness; surely that shouldn't be a big deal? So I am assuming that even after I tell people, I won't be able to count on much genuine understanding from colleagues who haven't experienced pregnancy first-hand. I keep worrying that even if they make all the right noises, they will still be secretly thinking "god, she's a bit of a wimp" and rolling their eyes.

As for my line manager, his partner has just given birth to their first baby on Jan 1, so he is on paternity leave at present. He will be in the office a bit over the next two weeks but won't really be in a position to spend much time on my situation. I guess I'll maybe tell him when he gets back, which will still be a little earlier than I originally planned. Does anyone think it's a bad idea to do this, though? So many articles tell you to wait as long as poss but I'm not sure what the logic is there.

I told my line manager at 9 weeks- but asked her to keep it quiet until after my scan. I started to show at 8 though, and was TOTALLY exhausted every day- so in my opinion it helped. I could slope off early and feel safe, knowing she wouldnt think I was just being a lazy cow!

It was MUCH better once people knew- I guess the rationale behind keeping it quiet at first is do you really want to explain to the whole office that you have miscarried? I was paranoid the whole time until the scan that the baby was dead, and would have hated to have to tell people that.

Good luck- after 12 weeks time FLIES by! x

pd, telling will be down to exactly your reading of the people in your situation. i hope your line manager is extra-sympatico given his experience!
I really agree with gk that telling my line manager earlier did make me feel safe somehow. I also had the thought that if i had mc'd my ds it would have been easier to get time off and the consideration from managers while i recovered. i was the same with family. told my mum so there was one person i could turn to with all the worries, but didn't announce to rest of families until 'safe' after the scan.

tiredness. it is just mad isn;t it? i was in bed by 9pm for about 8 weeks and slow to start in teh mornings. aggravated by having to pee in the night from early on, which seemed evilly unfair. the stuff you body is supplying to do the 1st trimester is huge. i also noticed it in my skin getting really dry and itchy. i eased that and i think improved my concentration with omega three oil, a really high quality one. think it was made from cold pressed cod liver or some such. maybe try that + eating well of course.

paperdoll,

I also have quite a mentally demanding job and struggled in the first trimester as I was so tired and also really distracted as I was so excited to be pregnant.

It does get better in the second trimester, and I felt pretty much back to normal then and able to focus more.

You just need to set yourself mini deadlines as merryberry says.

I felt so drained in the first trimester I could barely keep awake at work - stretching out on the floor seemed such a temptation. I found drinking cold water helped wake me up some - worth a try?

I've been away from the boards for a few days and have only just seen all these messages! How helpful - thanks again.
I think I will tell one or two key people at work & just ask them to keep it under their hats (as gk and mb have suggested); half of the difficulty is having to try & cover up how tired you are.
I've basically decided to stop worrying too much about what other people think; waste of energy! Keeping fingers crossed that all will be well once the scan rolls around. Until then - one day at a time.
So glad I joined mumsnet!

I know exactly how you are feeling. I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and today I phoned in sick due to complete exaustion.

My line manager knows im pregnant, and is understanding of the tiredness, but despite her reassurances of come in late and take long lunches to cope with the tiredness, when I phoned today, I got the impression that she was really peeved.

Im rarely off sick and rarely go home on time, but Im so exausted at the moment that my dh talked me into taking time sick. Im awake for half the night what with the excessive pee problem and backache. I miscarried in Sept, and so really want to look after myself.

Sorry to ramble, but I agree completly. The tiredness is unbelievable

dd1

I am 11+2 and have found early pregnancy to be a lot more draining than I originally thought. I have so much respect for anyone that has other children to look after too!

My job is pretty demanding and requires me to travel and I have found that the hardest to deal with. I haven't told anyone yet and so far have thought of just about every excuse under the sun to prevent having to travel anywhere.

I seem to be slowly getting more energy and even went for a long walk on Sunday! (woohooo!)

Hope you feel better soon and enjoy the excitement of it all!

DD1

Thanks for reassuring me on the backache thing. Is yours still hurting? Mine is a bit sore today and also stiff but nothing too bad. Did you worry about it at first? Have you had a scan yet?

Edie,
yes the bachache is still with me, mostly at night. It scared the life out of me at first as I really didnt believe that pain so bad was a good sign. But my consultant told me not to worry as I had no bleeding and that it was all down to progesterone relaxing my ligaments. The worry is still in the back of my mind, but thats where I try to keep it.

I had a scan last week, spot on 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat, it was very emotional. He's bringing me back next week for another scan, to reassure me as Im so anxious due to previous miscarriage

dd1

I know, that's exactly how I feel, that being it that much pain cannot be a good thing. Im relaxing a bit now as I have been thinking a)why would it be that painful if im having no bleeding, after all the pain with mc is the baby coming out of you and b)I suffer from a bad back anyway and so pregnancy is bound to make it worse. Also, it comes and goes which I guess wouldn't be consistent with a miscarriage either. Im still having sore boobs, although that worries me as it comes and goes and sometimes I think 'Oh my god they arn't sore anymore'. It's great that you saw a heartbeat-can I ask-did you get that far last time? What is your back pain like? Mine is lower down in my back and I have to take paracetamol for itas it's quite sore. Also if I sit on a hard chair I get a wierd pressure type feeling in my pelvic floor.

Edie,
I got to 5+4 the last time so Im in new territory.
My backache is low down and changes side. Im also taking paracetamol, but I find a hot water bottle helps. When at work, I was hovering with my back against every radiator I passed, got some strange looks, but I didnt care.
Your not alone on the boobs either. Some days mine are sore....really sore and others I can hardly feel them. I keep checking and then panicing that they are not sore.
I thought things would get easier when I passed the 5+4 stage, but Im in what seems like a constant fear of miscarriage. I want to have every sympton of pregnancy that there is and worry that I dont have them. I do have the extreme tiredness, am thirsty and unfortunately have constipation!!!

dd1

Oh im so relieved about the back thing. You don't often hear about it being something that can be quite natural in early pg.

The worry is hard, I wonder if it will ever go away...you did well to get the heartbeat seen though, say say that the risk of miscarriage is much much less after a heartbeat is seen. And it sounds like you do have your fair share of symptoms!! When are you due?

Edie
21 Aug, sems ike a life time away, what about yourself?.... and whens your scan??
dd1

Im due 14th Sep and have a scan on friday. They won't be able to see anything though I guess but a blood test would be helpful to measure amount of HcG. Also I guess a transvaginal scan might pick up a heartbeat at 5 weeks...

Edie,
I also had a scan at 5 weeks and was able to see a gestational sac, which looked like a black circular blob. Make sure your bladder is bursting as it makes things easier to see. From what Ive read, I dont think you will see any heartbeat until late in week 6, and this is by internal scan.
All the best for Friday, and be sure to let us know,
dd1

I guess there may be no point in going...