Planned pregnancy but wishing it would go away.

[DefinitelyNotWaiving]

No idea what to do - please go easy on me.

I'm eight weeks gone with a very much planned and tried for pregnancy. I should be over the moon but I'm not.

We both have decent jobs, a home (it's shit but it's ours and he refuses to move despite being easily able to afford it grr) friends and a supportive family.

Why aren't I happy about this?

All I do is resent it; the exhaustion, the emotional rollercoaster, the endless restrictions, being told what to do, feeling (already) like my body isn't my own anymore, the fact that family members are already planning a Christening (not happening) and God knows what else.

Work are giving me shit - as in they want to make my working conditions worse for no reason other than 'policy' despite me being an exhausted mess already (they know about the pregnancy). Basically they want to make me hot desk across a load of desks that are not adjustable and I have arthritis to start with. I can't face the pain of a bad back and hips again without the heavy duty pain killers that I probably can't take.

WTF do I do? I just want to scream.

Please make an appointment today to see your gp. You do sound depressed and that is so common.

I can really relate as I had the same.

I planned the pregnancy and yet it was utterly miserable, utterly horrific and I didn’t react ‘like I should’. I thought I should be happy and excited – the thought of shopping for baby clothes made me cold and I didn’t want to tell anyone. When excited mums to be were having their first scan… My partner was trying to stop me hysterically crying and hyperventilating as I felt so unhappy. It got to the point where I was suicidal and writing my Goodbye notes.

For me, it was severe antenatal depression and feeling like a ‘freak’ (e.g. not happy, not excited, just scared, petrified and not wanting to be pregnant) combined with giving birth vaginally proved too much for me and I did do the ‘other route’. The anti depressants helped a LOT, however in hindsight, I should have started taking them a lot earlier than I did.

I terminated at 12 weeks after convincing myself that I wouldn’t have been granted a C-section and wishing every night that I died in my sleep as I felt so bad, so low and just horrific. I’m not suggesting that a termination is necessarily the right choice for you – You need to make your own decision, however please don’t suffer in silence.

Since joining Mumsnet, I’ve actually found quite a few ladies who have felt the same – some made the same decision as me, some actually went through with the pregnancy and some are pregnant now (and still not finding it a ‘fun’ experience). Please ensure you get as much support as you need and make sure you take YOUR feelings into account. It’s OK not to feel happy, it’s OK to think the whole thing is horrific – it’s OK not to feel the stereotyped excitement… it’s your journey so you just need to be ‘OK’ with it, whatever that is.

With regards to your work, fight policy with policy. They are legally obliged to provide a reasonable adjustment for your arthritis, and by the sounds of it that adjustment would be having a fixed desk and suitable chair. Speak to HR and refuse to move unless you've had your working environment assessed.

I hope you feel better soon. The first trimester is awful. Emotional overload, exhaustion, nausea... But second trimester and hopefully relief isn't far away and in the meantime do seek support

Sorry you're feeling like this 😟 I'm a bit late on the post, but am currently 18 weeks pregnant with twins!
I felt extremely tired and like I couldn't relax and be happy about things for a few weeks, but I really did start to feel better from 12 weeks - then got the shocking news it's twins!
I am very happy about it and desperately hoping that they'll both be ok, but feeling really unsupported. My OH (who has 2 DS from previous relationship) says I am being selfish wanting to breastfeed, as he wants to bottle feed and bond with his babies. I just want to do what's best for them!
He doesn't seem bothered when I say I can feel them moving either, which makes me so sad 😢 It feels like these babies aren't as special to him as he's already had others. It's so tough being a woman, I hope this passes & I hope you soon start to feel better xx

Speak directly to HR - they will be invested in you getting your risk assessment, it covers their arses. They will take it up with your manager. Speak to your GP, get some counselling, antenatal depression is a thing too. It's not surprising that people feel this way given the hormones, physical costs and mental adjustments to identity. What makes things worse is when you feel shame for having certain thoughts and feelings, then things can spiral... But talking to someone about how you feel can put the brakes on that. Good luck.

I'm in a similar boat. I have a planned pregnancy, abortion is not an option, but I'm completely freaking out. I'm panicked and miserable all day, I just want to press the rewind button. I don't understand what is happening to me, and I'm terrified I'm never going to feel the love. I see this is an old thread, but I feel the same way and I'd love to hear your situation improved.

These feelings will pass ,once u get your scan. Its normal to feel what you are feeling,dont be hard on yourself x

It's funny how massive commitments shake our world rather than cement them.
My husband and I argued more after getting married and pregnant than before either.
I have a theory it's because being married and pregnant hammers home to you the permanence of the ties you have just made and it's quite frightening.
Our baby is planned but for a few weeks I was wracked with doubts over whether we had made a mistake. Every time the kids argued or my husband upset me I'd freak out thinking why have we done, I can barely cope now and having another kid! But it was just panic and a good dose of bloody hormones.
When you are pregnant work are not allowed to put you in any extreme temperatures or heavy labour its the law, end of.
I'm regards to christening Cross bridge when it comes to it.
My husband meantioned his mum waiting in hospital whilst in labour and I've flat out refused.
My son was born very poorly and I didnt get to hold him for weeks.
I'm bloody adamant I want to savour being able to hold this baby without having to hand him or her over to someone. I never got to experience something many take for granted and am I fuck letting my mil snatch baby off me within minutes of giving birth. All I want is one day and then family can play pass the parcel.

I feel your pain!!!
Me & my husband had been trying for 10 months to conceive our first baby and was absolutely thrilled when we got a postive result. I am now 10+1 weeks and the last 3 weeks I have felt horrendous that I actually feel guilty moaning how awful I feel, I think I was so desperate to become pregnant I didn't think on how it would actually feel once I was.
I feel nausea all day every day, I can't bear the smell of anything completely lost my appetite, I'm bloated all the time, I'm exhausted but to name a few and I have rheumatoid arthritis so the first few weeks of finding out I was pregnant I had a massive flare up and all I could have was paracetamol, killed me for days. So I truly do feel for you. I did receive my first scan date yesterday and with the 2nd trimester in eye sight I'm now excited for my scan and hopeful hitting 12 weeks it gets easier.

OP I felt the same with my second pregnancy - I am 31 weeks now. You get past it. Once you get over the exhaustion and morning sickness (if you’ve been unfortunate to have it) it gets better. I planned this one, got pregnant first try so was a bit shocked and unprepared really. Had the worst exhaustion, a 2 hour commute to work each way and toddler. Cold after cold after cold for all of winter. Sickness that was 24/7. I remember sitting in the bath crying and wishing I’d misscarry.. I know that sounds like the worst thing. I was so depressed. Soon as I hit 15 weeks I felt 100% better and then it went. I am now overjoyed and looking forward to my baby arriving. Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster and people and family and work piss you off. If it gets too much see a Dr for advice or speak you your midwife, but it might just be hormones and once the exhaustion passes which won’t take long now you will feel so much better. Just try and take one day at a time.

Horseygal - my DH never asks about my baby kicking! I don’t think some men even realise until the babies are here.. I breastfed, it was so hard but best thing I did. You could explore combine feeding or maybe express so he can help out. That way you’re getting the best of both worlds. Breast milk is amazing and I plan on bf this time too if I can. My DD never got ill even when I had a sickness bug she fed through and was fine. My only struggle was at the start with tongue tie and it was so painful I nearly gave up. Do what you want to do. It’s all well and good him saying bottle feed because it suits him, but ask him if he’s prepared to help during the night too. If he’s not he can get stuffed lol
Whipping my boob out at 2.00am was a lot more appealing than sorting a bottle and my hubby never complained because he got to sleep through! I’m the long run it suited us both.