Hand hold - Pregnant and eating disorders

[shamedmothertobe]

I've NC for this as I'm ashamed of what I'm doing.

I'm nearly 15 weeks pregnant with my very much wanted first baby.

I have a history of binge eating, bulimia and depression that I've generally overcome. I normally eat well, exercise moderately and feel good about myself. I'm not overweight, or underweight. I was doing very well. I don't feel depressed - I'm positive about life, about my relationship, about my baby (I hate work and can't wait to be on mat leave - not being mistreated at work, just really dislike my job).

However, since about 10 weeks I can't stop binge eating. I'm scared I'm hurting my baby, or going to get gestational diabetes. I'm not putting on a huge amount of weight - no weight gain in the first trimester, and now only about a 1lb a week since week 12. I'm still exercising, it's just my eating that is messed up. I think I'm struggling with the way my body is changing in the period before I get a proper bump. I feel flabby and gross.

I need to stop this. I need to get my control back. Has anyone been in this situation?

I found pregnancy tough with my changing body and was worried it would cause a relapse. I spoke with my midwife about it and she referred me to the consultant. Thankfully by the time I had that appointment I had a small bump and had got my head around it a bit more. I alao kept it in my head that if my feelings changed I could go back to the consultant. I tried to eat more healthy stuff where possible, but had to stop the gym at 20 weeks due to complications. Your midwife is there to provide support for this, so make sure that she does, it's not easy I know

OP, first of all, you shouldn't be ashamed - the increase in food has more to do with the need in pregnancy to eat more, than you "slipping" back into bad habits. Have you had any morning sickness, or nausea? I found the only time I truly felt like it was subsiding (and I'm still in this phase, 8 weeks pregnant) was when I had something to eat.

If you are only gaining 1lb since week 12, and prior to that nothing, it indicates to me that you perhaps perceive your eating to be binging (based on your eating patterns before conceiving) rather than it actually being full on binges. Furthermore, you're exercising, and you are aware of things like gestational diabetes and the risks.

When you say your eating is messed up, are we talking binging with long stretches of not eating? Or are you making yourself sick again? Also, are you on any medication that you've either had to reduce or stop completely?

And yes - I'm in the same situation. I haven't had bulimia, but I have had anorexia which I recovered from years ago - I'm an active person who eats well and is mindful of what I consume, yet since about 5 weeks pregnant I've been unable to do much exercise due to sickness and dizzy spells, and I've been craving food I'd never normally want . I too feel flabby and gross even though I know I've put on nothing.

Things I realised -

1. Hormones really do alter the way you perceive things, behaviours, actions, reactions, responses and how to ground yourself. I've worked SO hard on my mental health and I was so upset to feel so moody the other day, until I really focused on giving myself a break - I have a new set of hormones I've never experienced before raging through my body - it's gonna take time to settle!

2. I'm working harder - I don't subscribe to the "eat for two" mantra, but at the same time, my body wants something - if it's going to reject other things, I have to listen to it, if only for a little bit. Pregnancy feels long, but it isn't forever and I know I have a healthy outlook on food and exercise, even if I can't get it on board at the moment.

3. Presumably your GP knows about your mental health history? If not, NOW is the BEST time to inform your midwife. I've had to do the same, and although it's at first a bit daunting (you fear judgement etc) all the midwives care about is delivered a healthy, happy baby and ensuring Mum is healthy and happy - they don't judge, or at least shouldn't. They will help - either through referring you to a service that may help with any potential decline in mood, or with some class with women in similar positions, or just listen to what you have to say - the knowledge that somebody else knows is often all we need. Also, they will monitor you better with that knowledge.

I hope some of that helps xxx

thank you both.

missy I'm not on any medication - I have been on antidepressants before, but came off them well before ttc (not because of ttc). I did have horrible nausea until week 10, but feeling absolutely fine now, physically.

I'm definitely binging on lots of chocolate/sweet stuff. I'm trying to maintain my normal eating around that as I know missing meals to try to make up for it only leads to further binging. I'm not making myself sick and don't feel compelled to do that. I'm eating more carbs but not feeling as guilty about that, as I think it's what my body wants.

I did raise it when I had my booking in so it's on my record. I've got my 16 week midwife appointment in the next few weeks so will flag my concerns then and hopefully get a consultant referral, or speak to the GP. In the meantime I'll dig out my old coping methods to try and cut down on the binges.

In those early weeks it's common to be hungry all the time, I had a fair amount of sweet treats during that time. If you think about it, your baby has gone from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an apple, that's taking a lot from you, so no wonder you're wanting sugary treats. It does calm down, I felt like whenever my DD had a growth spurt I'd be more hormonal and chocolate was my friend.