I have literally lost my mind

[waxweasel]

Just a self-pitying moan really. I'm 33 weeks and just a massive, hormonal mess. I'm on mat leave already due to ill health and general knackeredness, but toddler does 3 days at nursery so I have those days to myself. So I am really very lucky, much luckier than pregnant SAHMs with no childcare and no time to rest.

But I feel like I've actually gone pretty mad. I'm just so, so anxious. I just have this constant, all-consuming gnawing feeling of anxiety that leaves me cold. I don't know what is causing it and literally every single thing I think of causes me some other stab of anxiety. Mainly it's around my to-do list, most of which I know is unnecessary nice-to-do things which could be left undone, but I am just paralysed with guilt and anxiety that I'm not getting through it. Ditto buying the things on my list - I just feel this wave of anxiety every time I even think of sitting down and spending the money.
I don't feel that anxious at all about the baby or the birth, but the 'oh god I should be practising my breathing/doing my pelvic floors/reading all the birth books I have stacked up/sorting out my birth pool etc etc is added into the general fug of stress. I'm actually looking forward to the birth/baby just as it will signal the end of this horrible preparation anxiety.

Today was just awful. I am down with that virus everyone seems to have, but I ran myself ragged doing stuff and didn't eat until 3, felt rough as hell, then felt guilty I wasn't taking better care of myself. Then I shouted at poor DD for being a standard PITA toddler, then sobbed like a nutcase through her bedtime stories.

I just want to feel normal again. I really really just want my own mind back. I can't talk to DH - he's ridiculously stressed with work and barely speaking to me at the moment, so I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I can't complain I'm stressed and anxious when I'm sat at home on my arse 3 days a week while he is working the most stressful job ever - it'd be a royal pisstake.

I texted my best friend earlier but she didnt reply. I don't blame her, she has 2 kids so is crazy busy. I just wish I hadn't texted because now I feel even more alone and even more sad.

waxweasel I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious and emotional. Please don't feel alone. I think pregnancy does crazy things to us - so stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty for feeling this way. A lot of what you are saying is that you have no reason to feel this way. But we are all entitled to feel overwhelmed and emotional especially at 33 weeks pregnant. I send a hug, and suggest you treat yourself to a nice pregnancy massage or reflexology or something indulgent and quiet and recuperating. Xxxx

Thank you, that's really kind. I just feel guilty that I can't cope and am feeling so low for no good reason. I have been trying to book a pregnancy massage but crazily that has become a stress in itself as the woman is really booked up and we have to keep re-arranging. I'm thinking of just not bothering and saving the money instead since that in itself is also making me anxious.
DH is huffing and stropping around the place, I think he thinks I'm in a mood with him. But I'm not, I'm just sad and trying to keep going. I wish I could just be by myself.

Hello I know where you're coming from, being bunged up and preggers too is no fun!! I really wouldn't stress so much. The more you think about all the stuff you "have" to do the more you'll feel turd. Hormones (as amazing as they are)...are also, well...bloody annoying. Seriously, I'm sat here watching Phoenix nights surrounded by stuff and things I "need" or "should" be doing...ironing, painting (rearranging rooms, decorating) washing, doing the pots, he'll, even having a warm relaxing bath BUT I figure, and I KNOW after this one is born I already have two others to look after and I'll sure be more than busy in a good few months so balls to it haha. Stick something funny on for a few hours, perspective will soon get you into your stride I'm sure < have this brew on me.. I'd join you although I'd have to drink it on the lav (excessive peeing, ahem)

Hear hear! 232 well said! I hope ur feeling a bit better wax try and be kind to yourself.

Aww thanks 😊 that genuinely did make me feel a lot better! I'm feeling much better now...had a rough night not getting much sleep from stupid SPD, then cried like a nutjob over breakfast. My 2.5 yo DD looked at me like this and told DH to go to work and she would look after mummy, then announced that I needed a 'comfy day'. She wandered off and set up a bed on the sofa, then insisted I come 'cuggle up and watch films' for the entire morning. Genuinely did make me feel a lot better! She's a very wise little thing

I felt a bit like that. I still remember the guilt that "nesting" never happened and the place remained a bit of a tip. Apparently everyone was whizzing around cleaning skirting boards except me!

Meanwhile I was on the sofa watching Judge Judy like a slug.

I did sweet fuck all about my list till about 38 weeks. But felt guilty every day until then!