what's in a name?

[Vap0]

Hi

We have been discussing possible names, a little early probably at 11+2 but there you go. So, we aren't married and therefore don't share a surname, we don't plan on getting married (I'm a bit weird and don't like the whole idea of it, we are secure in our relationship and don't need a piece of paper to prove it to the world). If I had a change of heart unlikely later on down the line I would not be taking his surname as mine is just too good. I think the child should take DP's name as the surname, just because I think it's right in our situation. So, I had a mad thought that I'd use my surname as baby's middle name. He/She will probably hate me when older but I really like the idea of it. Also, my surname appears to be dying out as my brother has had 2 girls who will perhaps get married and take other names? Who knows...

So, my surname is foreign, let's say it's Papadopoulos
DP's surname is a little more normal, let's say it's Wilson

*The above names are not actually our names

Would we be too cruel to name our child

Firstname Papadopoulos Wilson

I like it and think it's a nice idea but the names you have used do sound a bit ridiculous. Your real names probably sound better!

No I don't think so, seems perfectly logical to me!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

This is not the thrust of your post, but just like all legal contracts, marriage is not just "a piece of paper".

Please make sure you see an IFA and a solicitor, unless you are planning on returning to work immediately and have no reduction in your earnings, pension contributions and career trajectory.

Yes, your plans for the name are fine (and indeed traditional in several parts of the world).

mslg ha, actually, the names are quite similar to our own, my name is a long and unusual name and dp's is short and normal.

DHs gran is Irene Jeffries Moffat, Jeffries is her mums maiden name. (not real name but you get the point)

We gave DS1 and DS2 family surnames as middle names. They might hate it when they're 14, but they're likely to appreciate it for what it is by the time they're adults. I'd love an unusual middle name with a meaning.

My grandma had her mothers maiden name as her middle name too junos. I think it used to be seen as quite a normal thing to do in the UK, it's only in the last hundred years or so it's become less so.

I think it's a lovely idea.

Hey lovely . I'm sure it would be fine! People have all sorts of weird and wonderful names these days .

I'm sure you've thought of it, but how about giving the child a double-barrelled surname? So: First name Middle-name Papadopoulos-Wilson.

Meditrina, you a are right to raise this importrtant issue, but why do you suppose that the op would be the one to lose out from not getting married? Lots of women are the higher earner in a couple and will go back to work and manage just fine. She might be the one stuck paying maintenance should they marry and split. For lots of women it makes no financial sense to marry at all.

Sorry, Devils advocate calling, but I detest this presumption that it's the little lady who gets shafted by not getting married. You are of course correct that if she is making career sAcrifices so that she can deal with childcare while dp rakes it in, then she needs to take advice.

OP, the principle of the name idea sounds fine, fair, and is certainly IME what most people do in your situation. Only you will know whether the actual names lend themselves to this kind of pairing.

DH has a (slightly unusual) family name as his second middle name, followed by a ridiculously common surname. Any children we have will have this too.

Using surnames as middle names certainly used to be common where I come from (cumbria) judging from obituries. Less sure now but seems a nice idea. Whether the names sound right together is your call.

Pretty standard in Scotland I believe.

If that's what you want then do it. if the adult version of your baby really hates it then they can choose to change the name anyway!

I'm guessing double barrelled is out?

I got my mum's maiden name as my middle name and I kept it after I married DH. I actually really like it and love that I get to keep a little bit of my mum with me. It's a goo idea

I think it's a good idea. My DC1 is getting my maiden name as a middle name - it's recognition of the surname I had until I chose to change it when I got married and an homage to my family (and it is quite a cool name!).

Just an afterthought - everyone has a personal opinion about marriage, but to me it is much more than a piece of paper

Congratulations OP. I haven't any thoughts on the names, but would urge you and partner to sort out wills asap. You're right that marriage isn't essential for a committed relationship, but not having wills in place could put you and OH in a financially vulnerable position.

Not the cheeriest topic, but vital IMHO.

CityMole: The reason I posted as I did was because op said marriage was just 'a piece of paper' and it most emphatically is not. This suggested that she has not researched the implications of the different legal circumstances.

And I recommended taking proper professional advice if her circumstances are going to change. This is prudent for everyone, whether high or low earners, unless becoming a parent is going to make no difference to career/earnings. I will make sure I phrase it differently in future to ensure that is properly reflected.

There's nothing wrong with choosing one path or another, but a lot wrong with seeing it as 'just' a bit of paper. House deeds are also a bit of paper. So is an employment contract, or pension T&Cs. Lives are probably full of important bits of paper, which make a huge legal difference.

Both I and my best friend have our respective mothers' maiden names as middle names. And another friend changed her name by deed poll when she married to retain her precious surname as a middle name. Nothing wrong with it at all.

I did miss having a second "Christian" name, if you will, though, as most other children will have this. If you could stretch to four names, I would.

I think it's a great idea. I had an unusual maiden name, and wanted it as one of our DD's middle names, but DH wasn't keen. I would have definitely done it if he was happy with it also.

Similar situation with me, DP has a short and relatively common surname but mine is VERY uncommon and long. We really struggled with a middle name for DD, as I wanted something family related but couldn't saddle her with my surname as a middle name. She would have been teased mercilessly as a child. So we took part of my surname... Imagine my surname was Meadowlark, we then went with Meadow. Obviously that isn't my real name, part of my name is a girl's name, so it worked perfectly and I love knowing it's from me, but she won't be teased.