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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone give birth alone? How was it?

24 replies

April2013 · 03/02/2016 13:42

It looks like my husband should look after our son whilst I give birth as the family support I have isn't great and I know I would be worrying about him the whole time, which means my next problem is who should look after me? My mum would do it but I don't feel very comfortable with her, our relationship has always been rocky and distant but has improved since I had my son to the point we can help each other sometimes and spend a bit of time together now, she will drop everything to help me if need be, but she doesn't really respect me and we are very different on the parenting front, plus she is prone to having a screaming meltdown at me when she is stressed (though very rarely these days) - so she is very much a mixed bag of really good and really bad - and I don't have a good enough friend. So has anyone done it alone? Was it good? Was it bad? Is someone that you're not sure about better than no one? I'm not up for a home birth as I had complications with my first and want to be monitored throughout, shame as that would have been the perfect solution! Should I think about a friend even if we aren't that close?

OP posts:

Crumbles12 · 03/02/2016 14:07

Personally I think I would find it quite hard to go through it all alone, is hiring a doula a possibility?

Borninthe60s · 03/02/2016 14:13

I'd get mum to look after DC and husband to come with me.

MarvellousCake · 03/02/2016 14:16

How old is your son - and do you have any friends who could mind him? When dd2 was born we dropped dd1 (then not quite 3) off with friends for 12 hours or so. To be honest I didn't have time/headspace to worry about her too much and I knew she was safe.

My dh was at the hospital with me, but for various reasons I ended up in theatre without him for the last period of time - an hour or more, I'm not sure (though it was a 'natural' birth in the end). I wouldn't have chosen to be alone at that point, but it was OK.

I did appreciate having dh around earlier in the labour when things were starting to go off-plan!

In your position if there's really no-one else who could look after ds then I would seriously consider a doula who knows your history and wishes, and who you feel comfortable with.

hellodave · 03/02/2016 14:23

when ds1 was born dh was working away, he only arrived as ds1 was crowning. tbh it was fine...... dare I say it I would have preferred to be on my own for the subsequent ones....but that doesn't seem to be the done thing. the main problem was getting to hospital. ds was 4 hours away and I was on in labour for 4 hours so I ended up calling an ambulance about 3 hours in. we assumed we'd have loads of time.
I am slightly unusual though in that im very introverted. I really like being on my own and when in pain/ stressed go into myself...... you know how a cat will go off and nest and give birth on their own..... well if it was safe i'd do that too :)

JonSnowKnowsNowt · 03/02/2016 14:25

Have you considered having a doula? Look at the Doula UK site. It is about £500, but a lot less if you have a student.

Mine was worth her weight in gold and I am confident contributed a lot to a really good birth. DH was there as it happened, (managed to get someone to look after other DC at last minute) but the doula gave me confidence that there would be someone with me, and was more help than DH at the hospital too!

oriG1Nal · 03/02/2016 15:24

I was alone the first time, no problem. Having another baby soon with a new partner and tbh i'm dreading having him there! (he's lovely and supportive so it's not him, it's me). I'm not sure what use is a partner going to be, i'll still be the one pushing!

Original poster

April2013 · 03/02/2016 17:02

Thanks so much for your replies, I now feel like unless I end up semi conscious or unconscious I will go it alone and I am feeling positive about that :) unfortunately a doula not in my price range and I think I would rather be alone, I will see if I can have my mum on standby incase I have to have medical interventions etc.

OP posts:

GastonsPomPomWrath · 03/02/2016 17:14

I did it. My ex was/is a twunt and left me when I was pregnant with our third baby. He refused to be there at the birth and wouldn't look after our older children either so my mum looked after them and I went in alone. I was induced and it was really worrying, I didn't sleep a wink the night before.
It was a quick labour, 3 hours, and it came as quite a shock. With spontaneous labour, theres a build up, with my induction, it was flat out from the word go.
The midwives were very supportive and helpful (even when I threatened to smack her because I couldn't get any pain relief!) I had a tiny tear but otherwise no trouble at all.

The second she was born, I looked at her glorious little face, I felt her warmth and smelt her skin and I felt so so proud of her and of myself. I did that. I made her, grew her, birthed her. She was all mine and I felt like superwoman. The pain and everything else was gone and I was overwhelmed with love for her.

It really will be fine op. You will be fine.

PennyHasNoSurname · 03/02/2016 17:17

I would happily deliver with just a MW if the situation arose, my only concern would be that dh would be sad at not seeing his next child born.

Is there any way you can ask your mum to mind ds or set up some regular babysitting with a babysitting service so you can call onnthem when the time comes?

iamnotaponceyloudperson · 03/02/2016 17:28

I was alone for my 3rd birth as DC arrived a week early and very fast and DH just couldn't get there in time. He arrived about 30 minutes after which he was probably rather relieved about.

My friend took me to the hospital but then left to pick up my other DC from school.

It was actually fine, I wasn't traumatised by it and it didn't affect DH and the baby. He found it more stressful being on the tubes and then in traffic unable to speak to anyone til he got to us. Midwives were lovely.

aimees75 · 03/02/2016 19:38

I had my DH there the first time and he was great but tbh I would go through it alone next time no problem as most midwives are pretty nice when you are labouring and I went into my own world anyway. Although he would never admit it, he saw my body in a way that he hadn't seen before and I kind of wish he hadn't (I know it's natural but still, would rather that last bit had been just between me and the midwife). I think you will be fine OP and best of luck to you

soundsystem · 03/02/2016 20:32

MY DH was in the house but not with me (if that makes sense) and I quite liked it that way. I'm quite keen that he looks after DD this time and lets me get on with it!

It is such an individual thing, but I really wanted to just zone out and get on with it, and having anyone around was a distraction.

Best of luck whatever you decide

cheekstime · 04/02/2016 13:29

I've heard great things about Doula's....the support being second to none. You obviously can build a good relationship with them before, I get the impression they are like a best friend you've always dreamed of. So reassuring for your OH to know you're in good hands too, if you can stretch to it, unsure the full coast. I reckon it will be a big load off for you. Goodluck with rest of your journey soundsystem

cheekstime · 04/02/2016 13:30

coast!

cheekstime · 04/02/2016 13:33

Also I can totally see the merit in just getting on with it. Think doula is there in anyway you want her to be, so not in your face. thinking of it though, if in hospital there will be other porfessional around so maybe you find too much with another face there. If I was homebirthing without partner I would be tempted more.

cheekstime · 04/02/2016 13:37

sorry soundsystem and april2013 getting all mixed up with names and messages doughnut! right me loggin out for breather :)

Runningbutnotscared · 04/02/2016 20:00

Yes, it was completely fine.
tbh my dh was there but he fell asleep shortly after arriving in the delivery suit, woke, went out for food, arrived back at dc was crowning. (In his defence he was coming off the back of a month of long hours and was exhausted.)
I had a sound birth plan that detailed what I wanted should I not be able to talk. I was very lucky and the midwives and doctors were able to follow it.
I felt consulted at every stage of intervention. Everyone was very supportive.

When I give birth to dc2 later this year dh will stay home with dc1 and I'll happily go in by myself. I liked being able to concentrate on myself and what my body needs.

If my mum or sister was there, as wonderful as they are, it would be about them.

If I had a spare £500 I would buy something amazing with it. I'm sure doulas are great but I would rather have £500 of chocolate. Or £500 of French fries. Or a robot. Or a French fry robot! ....did I mention I'm pregnant and hungry?
Perhaps £500 of personal trainer post birth might be more useful in my case.

baby0684 · 08/02/2016 17:57

I was talking to friend about this the other day.
I have 2 children already. This time round, dad has decided he doesn't want to be involved.
So will be alone. Mum will have kids, but there not really anyone that would be able to come help. Either their own kids, distance or work!

I'm scared of doing it alone, definitely can't afford a doula.

MyFirstMyLastMyEverythingBagel · 08/02/2016 18:12

I had my third alone - it was absolutely fine

Just got on with it - I don't mean that in a smug way at all by the way, just that I had to so I did.

Midwives were lovely - I was lucky that a student midwife was attending so she didn't leave the room but to be honest I wouldn't have been bothered if she did, I wasn't aware she was there really.

Maybe that's a question you can ask?

Honestly you will be fine, people were horrified I was alone, but I really really didn't mind. You'll be just grand

kiki22 · 08/02/2016 20:41

I've not done it alone but for what it's worth your not alone you have your midwife, it wasn't so long ago almost everyone done it with just a midwife. Maybe you could give your husband a call when things really start your mum could take over from him if you lucky it may be during the night and you son will be none the wiser.

On the other hand if you trust your mum enough to look after your son she might be OK to do it, even if she doesn't do what you do it is only one day as long as he's not in any danger then it might be worth it so you husband gets to witness your new baby coming into the world.

muddymary · 08/02/2016 20:56

I did by accident - first labour was much faster than I thought it would be.
I'm like a few previous posters in that I like to be left alone when I'm ill or in pain so it suited me just fine tbh although I pretended to dh that I was disappointed he wasn't there

sunnydayinmay · 08/02/2016 21:01

I did. DH was annoying me, so I asked him to wait outside. He watched Countdown and I had the baby.

Second time, I left him at home, but took a friend. It was more for company for the early stages, although she turned out to be fantastic at back rubs.

DH is great, but being a birthing partner is just not his thing.

PagesOfABook · 08/02/2016 21:41

I did it alone as DS arrived unexpectedly early - and DH was away at work

It was completely fine. To be honest it was easier not having him there as on my first birth he kept annoying at me looking at me all worried when I was in pain!

If happily have another birth alone if I had too.

DH did make it to the hospital shortly after DS2 was born which was handy as I was tired so he dressed the baby etc - but I could have managed that if I had to

eatyouwithaspoon · 08/02/2016 21:49

I have twice,first time was at work and coukd get there ontime 2nd time in ambulance on way to hospital (cannot remember why he couldnt come in) both fine,like another poster said i just got on with it i was alone as had no choice and that was that really. The staff were lovely both times.

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