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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out gender

20 replies

Almondbiscotti · 25/01/2016 21:50

Did you?
My OH wants to but I want to keep it a surprise. I think it's going to be a nightmare for OH to keep it secret.
What are the pros and cons of knowing vs not knowing!

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KatyK1980 · 25/01/2016 22:06

Hi! I found out this time but not in my first pregnancy. I did like not knowing 1st time round and just bought neutral coloured clothes etc. It was a lovely moment being told "it's a girl!" when she was born! :-D

For this pregnancy (currently 38+3) I found out for a few reasons. Mainly I wanted my daughter (who is now 14!!) to know in advance so it would be easier for her to get used to the idea of having a brother (I think she wanted a sister!) and also silly reasons like I really liked some prams which come in lovely shades of pinks and blues and wanted to get an appropriate colour!

I guess it's just a personal choice really, don't think there are many major pros/cons. I think it's nicer to be able to surprise friends and family after the baby is born though and they will inevitably all find out in advance if you find out!
When is your scan?

NHKX2 · 26/01/2016 09:44

Honestly, this decision is so personal, that even the pros and cons vary from couple to couple. You'll need to decide for yourselves what the pros and cons are and determine the right decision for you.

For us: We wanted to find out the sex of our baby because we're just too damn curious. Plain and simple! It's our first, and we were both agreed that we wanted to know. My husband also personally felt that knowing would help him connect with the baby, whereas I get to experience the pregnancy and connect physically with the baby. (Not all partners feel this way of course, mine did).

We didn't find out so we could paint the nursery a certain colour or stock up on pink/blue clothes. In fact we've stayed pretty neutral on most things despite knowing that we are having a girl. Picking a name in advance wasn't even a factor for us (we still haven't picked a name for our little girl, and she's overdue by 4 days!).

Plain old fashioned curiosity for us. Plenty of surprises and exclamations and unknowns on the day of delivery, we didn't feel the need to make this a late surprise. I was plenty surprised at the 20-week scan when we found out :)

BathshebaDarkstone · 26/01/2016 09:49

I didn't with the first three but did with the last. With the first three it was nice having the surprise, with the last it was nice that we could call him by his name in the womb, and it would have been nice buying boys clothes but the shops didn't stock many.

Frazzled2207 · 26/01/2016 10:46

I didn't with my first but did with second. Wanted to know if I needed to buy new clothes or recycle the old ones ! Though for young babies it really doesn't matter.

Frazzled2207 · 26/01/2016 10:47

Oh actually second time reason was so we could try and agree on a name BEFORE he was born. Of course that didn't happen and we didn't agree till he was 3 weeks old!

Thurlow · 26/01/2016 10:51

I'm too nosy. The thought that I could find out was too much - I just couldn't say no!

But tbh part of it was that I suspected I was carrying a girl, and I'd always imagined having boys, so I wanted to find out sooner rather than later so I could get my head around it. Which turned out to be ridiculous, as from the moment we found out I couldn't imagine having anything but I girl.

I also preferred knowing that I was carrying a DD and we could start to use her name. Not for everyone, I know, but even if anything had happened during the pregnancy I'd never have considered using the name for another child - she was always "DD Name", even before we found out she was a girl.

LadyLuck81 · 26/01/2016 10:54

We didn't. I wanted to second time and H didn't. I applied the logic that I was always going to find out eventually whereas he couldn't "un-know" if he regretted it.

hufflebottom · 26/01/2016 10:57

I did both times.

First time xp wanted to know and knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret we asked.

This time I asked so j knew if I could use any of dd's clothes again.

Eudaemonia · 26/01/2016 11:15

I always thought that it was better to have a surprise but now I think I wouldn't be able to resist finding out. Just curiosity, plus making coming up with a short list of names a little easier. I also don't think I would like the idea of the sonographer knowing something about the baby that I didn't.

Newlywed123 · 26/01/2016 11:29

With our first we had the sonographer write it on a price of paper... We gave in within the hour and found out we were having a Girl! This pregnancy (now 38+1) we didn't find out and I personally prefer not knowing . We have a few unisex baby grows and a few girl baby grows. So we're prepared for either. I am starting to get a little impatient now, but I've never though about it before .

It's a personal choice really. I think if one of you wants to know and the other doesn't might be best not to just in case they slip up! My husband wanted to at first but as it came closer to the scan date he changed his mind

5hell · 26/01/2016 11:30

we found out (first baby, boy) I wasn't too bothered, but dh was keen. however we have told everyone else that we don't know/didn't find out so it's just our little secret, which I love! :)

sepa · 26/01/2016 11:58

We haven't found out because we both want the surprise (as do most of our family) it's also fun to have guesses about the baby.

You will always hear the stories of the one that got the gender wrong, so hear it goes..
My cousin found out at 20 weeks that she was "definitely having a boy, you can't miss it". Have away all her daughters clothes and stocked up on blue. She has 2 daughter and no "definite" son (which is good as her boy name was minging)

AveEldon · 26/01/2016 12:19

We found out for DC1 but didn't for DC2
We found out for DC3 - we thought it would help with the name choosing but it still took us 5 weeks to agree a name

ThursdayLastWeek · 26/01/2016 12:31

I don't like to find out the SEX of my babies because I don't like to assign any kind of personality/name/attributes to them before they're born.

And I feel like pregnancy is the last time it's about the woman, so selfishly I like to keep it about me and how I'm feeling

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 26/01/2016 13:41

We weren't going to find out but decided to do so when we discovered our baby had a life limiting chromosomal condition, the first signs of which were identified at the 20 week scan. When you will have very little time with a child then it is nice to know, doesn't tell them much about them but meant we could pick a name for her and it did feel like we knew her better, we knew there was a high possibility of stillbirth and we might never have the joyful 'its a girl' conversations at birth, so nice to have them when she was still alive.

My advice would be to keep an open mind, the 20 week scan is a game changer for lots of people, when serious anomalies can be identified and the sex of the child may be irrelevant or more important . Also your decisions may change depending on the situation you find yourself in.

Jibberjabberjooo · 26/01/2016 13:54

Didn't with either. I thought the surprise when I'd given birth was brilliant. Plus I liked all the guessing. There aren't many true surprises these days and for me that was one of them.

dizzylemon · 26/01/2016 14:16

I found out just because I am nosy. Would make no difference to colour choice or nursery theme as DH and I are well into comic books and are not fan of pink/pastels

What she'll look like and how she'll turn out will be enough of a surprise for me.

The plus side has been that we have names picked out already, though this turned out not to be as much trouble as I imagined as we agreed easily so not much of a time saver

Completely personal choice and if you aren't sure, I can see how it would be difficult. If I were you, I'd say he should be supportive in the 'not knowing' and agree to not find out

alltouchedout · 26/01/2016 14:18

I did. TBH even if I hadn't wanted to, it was very obvious at the scan each time!

intothebreach · 26/01/2016 14:25

I wanted to know both times. It's just as well I did, because both boys were very keen to flash their willies on the screen! Even though I am a total amateur with no medical knowledge, I simply couldn't have escaped knowing their gender (unless I had kept my eyes averted the whole time).

kate7590 · 26/01/2016 14:27

We found out with my son (1st child) and we're finding out again with this baby (2nd) on thursday!
Im far too impatient not to know. I like to plan and imagine things in advance, which I couldn't do if I didn't know!

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