positive test - Gutted

[Lsmummy30]

Things happen for a reason and I'm trying to focus on the upside to being pregnant. I have just got a positive test and haven't felt this low in a very long time. I am gutted. I was looking forward to so many things this yr that are not pregnancy friendly. 3 weddings (I'm part of) 3 hen dos, races and a group holiday. I have finally tackled my weight and getting in the swing of being back at work since my 1st baby. My husband isn't too happy about the situation either. There's a big black cloud over what should be a happy and exciting time. I feel guilty for feeling like this which isn't helping.
Tell my things will improve. It's been 1 week and I'm feeling worse each day

Chelsey, it's really, really not on to guilt trip the OP about her situation based on your experience of getting pregnant. Of course i have sympathy for those that struggle, I can't even begin to understand how it must feel to get negative after negative when all you want is a positive, but that doesn't give you the right to berate the OP about "how she let this happen", your opinion or not. It's just unnecessarily rude.

OP, I felt a little like you did in my second pregancy, once the reality of a new baby dawned on me I had a brief period of "my god what have we done!" but it really did pass, and when I got to 18 weeks and felt her moving etc I was fine.

All I can say is keep the communication goong with your DH, be honest with each other and talk about how you are feeling and support each other.

I really hope you both feel better about things soon

Chelsea get off of your high horse. the op was using contraception, this is an unexpected pregnancy. As someone who has been through an unexpected pregnancy, the range of emotions you go through is terrifying! The sudden knowledge that your life is going to change completely is incredibly hard to process. You don't get to project your shit on the op, it's not fair and is dismissive of what she is going through. Kindly take it elsewhere if you can't bring yourself to offer actual support.

Op, when I fell pregnant with dd (contraceptive failure) I was beyond anxious, terrified, really distressed. I felt trapped and struggled to deal with the way I was feeling. The biggest thing I can say is if you want to continue with the pregnancy, just give yourself some time. I put so much pressure on myself to process it all immediately that I pushed myself to a near mental break down. There is a long time until the baby is born. I swear we take this long to create our babies to give us time to get our head around it! Just let it happen gradually, take the pressure off right now. Distract yourself with other things, you are still you, your life is still your life, just slow it all down.

I probably had a more extreme reaction than you for various reasons, but I still got there in the end. My dd was born and I sobbed with happiness, and wondered why the hell I had been worried at all. Of course it was the right thing to happen, it was her!

You can do this if you want to. If you don't want to there are options. you are not trapped, your future is in your hands and you are in control.

Good luck op. It will all be ok, I promise.

Not continuing with the pregnancy isn't an option. I wouldn't be able to live with that decision based on such mediocre reasons. I think it does have a lot to with the idea of change. So much was up routed the 1st time. I'm sorry if my post ruffled a few folk. Didn't mean to come off insensitive when people are having there own struggle. It's just hard as there is no one else to open up too. Some things you can't say to your nearest and dearest. You need to paint on a happy smile. I'm sure things will settle, my hormones will calm and all this will seem silly. There is no doubt in my mind the love is and will be there. The weddings I'm apart of and the idea of swelling to double size (like last time) and in my mind ruining the pics is a big worry.

Oh OP, please don't apologise! You've said nothing wrong at all.

I get how you feel, really I do. And when DD2 was actually born I had another brief pweird of panic about having a tiny baby again, but it was brief and now I couldn't imagine life without the little chunk

Give yourself time, you'll feel better, it just might not be overnight. Be kind to yourself OP.

This isn't the place for your opinions, Chelsy, take it to aibu if you want to pontificate.
OP came here to talk and you tried to chase her off because of your own issues. Take your baggage somewhere else.

OP you are absolutely right that it will just take time and that the love will be there. And even if it continues to be quite overwhelming and confusing, mn is here 24/7 if you can't speak to someone in rl. Don't worry about ruining the photos!! I was huge when I attended a wedding at 36 weeks pg and looking back now at the photos I think I had worried unnecessarily! The hormones will be wreaking havoc on your emotions a the moment, too. As a pp said, slow down and let your mind catch up with your body.

Oh for goodness sake get a bloody grip. Of course it's a place for opinions and if you aren't able to cope with reading different opinions to your own your in the wrong place too.

Never heard anything like it

Chelsey - why don't you go and vent your frustration on your own thread, rather tan taking it out on the OP

This isn't aibu. Time and a place, and all that? Stop being such a dick.

You have nothing to apologise for op. Nothing at all.

It's so hard to put the front on that you are thrilled when it's not how you feel inside. there is nothing wrong with you feeling the way you do, it doesn't make you a terrible person, you need to let go of the guilt. you are just going through the process of coming to terms with something very unexpected.

Forcing yourself to jump to the end of that process and be absolutely thrilled will not work. You need to acknowledge the feelings as they come along, see that they are valid and understandable and then let them pass. Otherwise you will just be at war with yourself and end up in a right pickle.

Chelsea - how about you go and start a thread in aibu? I think it will go down brilliantly. "Aibu to think that when a woman falls pregnant unexpectedly, they have no right to complain or feel upset in any way as there are women out there who are struggling to conceive?". Crack on love, I'm sure they will all agree with you.

The reason for clicking on this thread was the title - positive test and gutted. This was exactly how I felt despite stopping contraception in a bid to get pregnant.
We took a long time to conceive our first including IVF so we figured this would be the case should we try and have another baby. With the the clock ticking we decided to give it a go but never for one minute thought we would get pregnant straight away. As a result, both me and my husband were not exactly delighted and felt like you - we haave plans to move house this year, go on holiday etc and we didn't figure there would be another baby in the mix. We really thought it would take us a few years to conceive again.
I cried for days when we found out. I felt awful that I was pregnant and awful for feeling awful. I felt like I had ruined what we had. In the end I confided in my mum who also admitted feeling like this when she fell pregnant with number 2. It made me feel better not only confiding in someone but also knowing that even 'planning' a pregnancy didn't mean you would ultimtaley be delighted straight away. It took me ages to tell people this time, but now at 22 weeks I finally feel excited and happy.

If you have made the decision to carry on with the pregnancy, please take some comfort in what I and others have said - once you get used to the idea, you hopefully will be happy about the situation too. You are certainly not alone in how you are feeling - you have just voiced what so many of us possibly feel but are scared to admit.

lsmummy I admire you're honesty. I think this is probably a fairly common reaction to an unplanned pregnancy i.e. it just wasn't one of your plans and you have a lot of them! I am one of those who have struggled for years - failed ivf, 3 mcs etc, finally now a successful pregnancy, but I don't for a minute mind a post like this. Everything is relative and I can completely understand it's a big shock if it's not planned - it's a huge life-changing thing - as I'm slowly finding out. At least you have no confusion as to what you want to do. It sounds like with a little time you and DH will get used to the idea and maybe it will end up being a wonderful accident (as most of us are!).

OP you're not the only one. My DD was a contraception failure. We wanted children, but not that soon. I had been having an awful time at work, received a compensation pay out and decided to book a boozy 4 night break abroad with DH for my 30th which was two weeks later. Then a week later I discovered I was pregnant. I was so confident taking the test (took one to discount pg before seeing the doc about my on going sickness and tiredness, d'oh.) I actually had to recheck the instructions as I was confused at getting two lines for 'not pregnant'. It was a huge shock, and I spent the holiday feeling like crap in every way. I was in bed by 10 on my birthday, a far call from the all-nighter I had planned! I knew IWBU but I still felt resentful. TBH I still feel sad I missed out on what I'd imagined the big 3-0 to be my 40th's going to be immense!. I continued to feel like that at every social engagement we had for the rest of the pregnancy. Things improved for me at the scan, but I still didn't feel connected to the baby. That didn't really happen until she was around 3mo. She's 19mo now and I love her to her bones. It took time to adjust.
I'm now pregnant again and struggling to get too thrilled about it. Even the scan didn't change things this time. I know I want another child, but I hate being pregnant and really can't get too excited about small babies. I know now what an upheaval it's going to be, and once again I resent my body not being my own. I don't resent the little person in there, just the situation. This time next year it'll all be a distant memory though, and I'll be enjoying my amazing family unit. That's what I'm focussing on

Is it the pregnancy or having a baby that worries you? It's natural to feel disappointed that your plans will change but Focus on the long term goal of creating your own little family. Good luck

Its good knowing I'm not the only person to have these thoughts. The baby part doesn't phase me.... well apart from the mind melt that comes with being alone with a tiny tot. Being pregnant was hard the 1st time round and my partner was traumatised with the birth. This post really has helped. I'm feeling a lot less anxious about it all.

Glad it's helping op. you are definitely not alone in struggling to get your head around this sort of news. Good luck, please don't let any negative response you got here from seeking further help on mn. There are so many women who will have been through similar. You really aren't alone.

I am sure that your worries about "ruining the wedding pictures" are misplaced. Pregnant ladies with big bumps look fab and in future years you and your friends will be able to look at the pics together and they'll say "Aah, that was little Chloe/Archie in there, can't believe he's eight already and we've been married that long". Also pregnant ladies at weddings are fitting because the couple and guests' minds often turn to them having a family in the future.

I'm sure you don't really have friends shallow enough to think you'd ruin their pics. Best of luck, it will all be fine. Life is often about dealing with the unexpected- it's what happens when you're busy making plans (John Lennon said that I think?).

Op it could be me writing your message. In fact I'm pretty sure I did [bold] 5 or so years ago. I was distraught [italics] at finding out I was pregnant. I just wasn't ready for it emotionally and from what sounds similar to you I'd got myself fitted out with contraception to stop this happening (not that that makes a bloody difference to anyone else and is totally unhelpful and blamey for others to go down this path but I'll add it so you can see that I too was in a similar space to you).

I think sometimes the body just wants to get pregnant! As pissed off as I was (took me pretty much the whole pregnancy to stop being angry about being pregnant with dc2. I was furious.) I took the view of "it's obviously meant to be even if I can't see it right now" and for me this one thought kept me sane.

Fast forward 5 years both kids in school and I say hand on heart that DC2 truly is a blessing. Oh I love that boy and I could not imagine a world without him. Now you need to make the right decisions for you and your family, and your choices may be different to mine, but I guess I'm just trying to say for me at least (and it took probably 14 months to say it) it really was meant for me.

Best wishes - and congrats nonetheless