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Original poster

OK Independent Midwives, 20 Questions...

58 replies

Ceolas · 20/12/2006 21:07

... at least!

I have just found out I'm pregnant with baby number 4. 3 previous hospital births but no major complications. I wanted a homebirth last time but was talked out of it at 36 weeks. I am determined to have this one at home.

I am considering an IM for continuity of care and knowing that she'd be an expert in homebirth. It would be a lot of money to us so I want to hear your reasurrances that It'll be worth it!

Also, I'm not sure of the ettiquette of it all. If I book with an IM, do I see my GP? Community midwives? Consultant? Those who have, was there any resistance from your GP?

I'm literally only 4-5 weeks at the moment (tested on Monday), but want to get it right from the beginning!

More questions to follow

OP posts:
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Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 21:08

Not easily. We have about half the fee in savings and would have to save the rest over the coming months.

OP posts:
Lio · 21/12/2006 21:10

Hi Ceolas, I had a home birth in August after not liking the hospital birth I had in 2003. My best advice is that you read Your Birth Rights by Pat Thomas (I got it from my library). It gave me the legal info as well as lots of other info and was the spur I needed to request a home birth. Considering that I am not a very assertive person, it is worth noting that I was even prepared to insist on a home birth and did a really good job of refusing to be induced, even though I say so myself .

My GP said I had practically zero chance of getting a home birth (this was before I read the book and knew my rights) so don't expect yours to know any better. GOOD LUCK!

thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 21:11

I've also wondered about that too Mo2 whether it would cost more or less because you aren't using a bed but you have an on-call mw potentially all night....

If it does cost more then, I guess, locally the opinion would be very different depending on budget?

Lio · 21/12/2006 21:11

PS Independent midwife out of my price range, but strongly recommend a doula. And home births get 2 midwives, btw.

SnafuOutOfHiding · 21/12/2006 21:12
Glassofwine · 21/12/2006 21:12

Well as I said earlier my experience was not good. I moved house at about 30 weeks and was told that I couldn't have a hb as I was inconvieniantly giving birth in August when MW's were on holiday!

So I contacted an IM who had been recommended by someone at a HB meeting I'd gone to. It was great having all appointments at home although I was 2/3 thought the pg so had all scans etc.

I'd been in labour at home overnight, had called the night before to warn them but by 6am was in a lot of pain so dh called. The mw asked to speak to me and clearly didn't want to come over as she was moving house that day! but eventually agreed to come, I said that the pain was too much and I wanted to go to hosp. She got me to agree to wait untill lunchtime and see how I felt - fair enough. When she came back at lunchtime I again said that I was in too much pain and wanted to go to hosp - had only been holding on for her to arrive. She examined me and said I was 7cm so not point as baby coming soon. Iasked for gas and air, she said it wouldn't do any good. This went on for hours, eventually I shouted about the gas and air and she got it out of her car - it was broken! At 10pm another mw took over and this time agreed to 'let' me go to hosp. When I got there the dr examined me - I was 2cm the MW had lied to me.

I think it was all about her stats, she didn't want me to transfer in and was using every trick to keep me at home. I was too emotional after the baby to say or do anything about it, I wish I had. About two years later a friend called to say she'd met a women who was sueing the same mw and would I let her call me. I did and wrote a statement etc, she had had an even worse experience then me - they settled out of court.

My next two babies I had within the NHS and both experiences were fantastic.

Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 21:13

I just could not bear to be told that in labour there was nobody to attend.

OP posts:
lulumama · 21/12/2006 21:14

contact AIMS too

and

\link{http://www.nurturingbirth.co.uk/train & place doulas}

and

doula uk site

Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 21:15

That sounds awful glassofwine. Poor you

Did you have the other two in hospital?

OP posts:
Mo2 · 21/12/2006 21:15

Snafu - OK, sorry, yes that rather came out wrong. I think I meant 'normal' not necessarily best. I know there are still some very good MWs out there, but my sense was that 'the system' tended to get them down eventually. I remember my first MW with DS1 (had 3 throughout the labour...) was meant to be giving me the pessary to induce me, and kept saying "you know that this is your decision, don't you? I don't HAVE to do this if you'd prefer not..." I sensed she really didn't want to. But it just left me confused, as I'd been told that I 'had' to come to be induced, and I didn't know any differently

lulumama · 21/12/2006 21:16

nurturing birth!

SnafuOutOfHiding · 21/12/2006 21:16

And Association of Radical Midwives just for good measure!

lulumama · 21/12/2006 21:18

FWIW..two of my friends had home births recently and they were fantastic... no issue with midwife attending....and all went beautifully....i was with one of them until 14 mins before LO arrive d!

SnafuOutOfHiding · 21/12/2006 21:19

Some mws do certainly seem to have forgotten that their name means 'with woman', not 'with labour ward guideline'...

They probably started off as idealistic as me!

kittyschristmascrackers · 21/12/2006 21:22

There has to be someone to attend a home birth though, it is their responsibility to find someone.

thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 21:26

GoW that is really awful, I know what you mean about not wanting to complain after as you have your healthy baby and that is all that matters.

The thing that my mw did was to tell me to push before I was ready, without examining me first to check, I told her staright away that I didn't feel like pushing but she insisted, this went on for two hours untill I begged and pleaded for her to examine me -then she told me I was 7 cm dilated and to stop pushing.

I then asked for some gas and air she had forgotten it and neither mw had enough petrol in their cars to go and fetch some from the hospital. They called an ambulance basically because the thought I had taken too long to dilate (the pushing no dought caused that) then I didn't see them again after that, my neighbours were woken up to their giggling about it and heard the full story from her bedroom window!

I really wish I made an offical complaint earlier because a friend of mine had the same mw in hospital 2 weeks later and the same thing happened to her.. only she ended up with a very traumatic experience.

this mw was made to back to supervised practice on the labour ward for 6 months and is still there now.

thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 21:27

doubt, sorry not dought!

Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 21:37

Anyone used an IM and had a positive experience?

OP posts:
Mo2 · 21/12/2006 21:39

Ceolas - don't get me wrong - I would say I had a positive experience, and would recommend it, just go in with your eyes open I guess!

thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 22:07

could you get lots of refrences before you commit maybe? perhaps speak to her previous clients over the phone? you do have time on your side at the mo. are there many in your area atvertised on the im webpage? meet them all if you can and you should get a much better idea.

have you told the gp/mw that you are thinking about an im?

Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 22:11

I haven't even been to see my GP yet. I was thinking if I went straight to IM I could, cut out community MW and miss out that transition.

I guess things may have changed in 3 years though...

OP posts:
thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 22:17

thats true, they might have a different attitude now after 3 years. Have you had straight-forward deliveries with your others?
Oh sorry just read your op, it seems to me that you are the ideal home-birther, they would be mad not to support you.

Original poster
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 22:19

That's exactly what the (hospital) midwife said after DS was born. "What a pity you had to come in here. You'd have been an ideal hb candidate." Not what I wanted to hear

OP posts:
thankyoupoppetunderthetree · 21/12/2006 22:34

I think if you are confident to be giving birth with little intervention or help from a mw then I would perhaps dig your heels in with the mw team for a hb and maybe get a doula aswell that you could get to know a bit before the birth. It would be a lot less expensive for you, and you could spend the money on other things to make it all a bit more special; birthpool, whale music or whatever!

That way it wouldnt really matter who turned up (which is my concern) and by the sounds of it, someone has to turn up.

Mincepiedermama · 21/12/2006 23:01

Ceolas I can't recommend it highly enough. I loved my Indi MWs. I had the same women for all four babies. Each time I got pg I thought 'I don't have the money for an indie this time so will go NHS' but each time I tired and just couldn't.

Where are you? I had the South London Indpendent Midwives (formerly Birth Rites) and they were brilliant. I had four really special, memorable births at home the way I wanted. My dh also thought they were fantastic.

You can hand your care completely over to them and then you don't have to get invovled with your doctor. I remember being nervous about telling my NHS mws that I was going indpenedently. Part of me was nervous and part of me thought 'Yeah! So that'll teach you for being a bit crap'. which they were. They seemed totally disinterested in my decision and I just felt, once again, another cog in the production line of NHS birthing systems.

It;'s expensive though so shop around. Have the initial chat with a couple of Indie mws and see which one you best connect with.

We couldn't afford them but we had them anyway and I would do it every time.