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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone had to labour alone due to DP/DH needing to look after toddler?

13 replies

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 10/01/2016 02:57

I have no one to ask to look after my toddler, bar my Mother, and we had a fall out this week 😁

I am 36 weeks and went into labour with DS at 40+2. I suspect I might end up going into labour around 39 weeks which doesn't leave much time to sort anything else out so I'm suspecting my DP will have to drop me at the hospital and Coke home to look after my son.

My main worry is DP might be gutted he isn't there, more than me needing him there as last time I was just so 'in the zone' I hardly noticed he was even around. I will talk to him tomorrow as to whether he is OK about not being there or whether I need to try and beg someone to step up for us.

I have mummy friends but all of them are relatively new and it would be weird to ask such a big favour. I've just got back in touch with a very long standing old friend but again the relationship is extremely new aland it would be odd to ask her, particularly since we could be talking about and time and any date. Our neighbours are extremely trustworthy (policeman and physio at local hospital) but whilst we are friendly I just can't impinge on them unless it was a total emergency. My sister is great but works three jobs and has two children, again I don't want to ask as its not fair on her.

I did think of childcare agencies and whether they dealt with anything so short notice, such as labour, but I assume you really need to be booking something in advance and obviously we have no idea when the baby will appear.

Anyone else totally stuck too?

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MyFriendsCallMeOh · 10/01/2016 03:20

I'm an expat do this happens to a lot of people I know, they just don't have family nearby at short notice. Some of them get round it by having a doula present at the birth (not ideal but a friendly face and someone to help and share the experience). Others just ask people they don't know that we'll, comes with the expat territory I think. I wouldn't mind someone I didn't know well asking me for this sort of favour, I'd like to think that I could ask the same of them. In the end, my dd2 was breech and late so born by c section while dd1 was at school......

slowdownyourneighbours · 10/01/2016 03:23

Yes, we are struggling with this too! Our parents each live a few hours away - we are hoping they can arrive before our baby arrives, (they all did last time when there was no need for them all to be there!) but it's likely I'll be on my own for most of my labour this time.

I don't feel able to ask any of the people we know round here. I'm wondering if DS' nursery might be able to offer to help. Maybe one of the staff might do emergency babysitting??

Like you, I don't really mind being alone, but I know DH would be gutted to miss the birth.

captainproton · 10/01/2016 03:33

It might be too late to get a doula, I had one with DC2. And they are good. With DC1 DH had to sit outside the delivery ward with DSS for 95% of my labour because he wasn't my child. BIL got to hospital just in time for DH to come into the delivery room with the midwife and I. He completely threw me off and wrecked the last bit of labour, I was doing really well ok on my own with the midwife. She never left me once, I think because I was alone and things were quite fast anyway. By that point though I'd passed caring, I am totally not fussed about DH missing the birth it's not really a spectator sport IMO, just as long as there is a happy ending try not too worry too much.

Original poster

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 10/01/2016 08:49

I've just talked to DP about it and he is gutted. God I feel so fucking guilty about the fall out with my Mum and yes I could go to her cap in hand and say a load of stuff I don't mean, but I really don't want to as I'm sick of the histrionics and just want some calm at this stage of my pregnancy 😔

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Original poster

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 10/01/2016 08:52

slowdown I wondered the same about the preschool staff but everyone bar one person that's crossed my mind works. It's one thing to ask a favour that might last a few hours, but what if I'm in labour for 12 hours like last time. That leaves that person unable to go to work for that day or do anything else they had planned, you just can't ask an aquaintence something like that.

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Bovnydazzler · 10/01/2016 08:56

Have you got a local mums Facebook group? There are quite often requests for random days etc/recommendations on there on the one I'm on which childminders may be able to help out with if you post the question.

Original poster

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 10/01/2016 09:01

I'm on a local Facebook buying and selling group but not a general one.

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Artioo2 · 10/01/2016 09:37

For what it's worth,, although I'd feel the same as you about asking someone I didn't know well, I'd be delighted to be asked by someone else and would do it happily. I think people actually love being asked for help generally.

Original poster

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 10/01/2016 10:21

Artioo I know what you mean and yet I still can't bring myself to ask lol. There is one local retired lady affiliated with a church toddler group I could ask but we have a very 'polite' relationship. I just cannot imagine being in a situation where I would feel comfortable ringing her at 3am.

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slowdownyourneighbours · 10/01/2016 12:23

I see what you mean, people say they are willing to help but I just don't think I can bring myself to ask either.

If your dh is gutted, what is his solution?

Saphwoodman · 10/01/2016 12:37

I did. I gave birth 7 weeks early and husband was in Australia. At first I was told my doctors that I wasn't going to give birth and just be on bed rest so I told him not to come back. My parents live 100 miles away so didn't want to fuss them as assumed it was nothing. Waters broke hubby got on the closest plane back but already happened by then! It wasn't great as I left my bag at home and had to keep asking them for pads spare knickers etc!

MouldyPeach · 10/01/2016 12:43

I might have missed something but is there any reason why you can't have a home birth? Husband may not be able to be totally involved but will at least be in the same house/next room and there right away once baby is born.

skankingpiglet · 10/01/2016 12:58

If you can afford a doula, but would prefer for your OH to be present could you not instead use an emergency nanny service? We had to use one for DD when my Mum was in her final days in hospital as it was miles from where we live so no one to help nearby. We called with very short notice (went down thinking it was serious but all would be ok, but things went downhill very quickly) and it wasn't too pricey. The lady they sent was fantastic, looked after her in my Mum's house so she was happy in her setting, and had DD settled and giggling in minutes. Not ideal, but needs must sometimes.
Otherwise I think I'd ask one of the mum friends. I would be happy to do this for one of mine, even one I didn't know as well. I know asking is awkward, but again, needs must

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