Second time mums - what are the things you will be doing differently from the first time around?

[Shadow1986]

This is just lighthearted but what will you be doing differently this time around? Here is some I've thought of...

1. putting my foot down and not letting visitors turn up before I've had some time with my baby
2. not feeding my baby to sleep, to the point where they use milk as a sleep comforter meaning they want milk in the night until they are almost two!
3. not being afraid to make noise around the sleeping baby, or be afraid to check them in fear of waking them up.

Anyone got any others?

Another couple I've thought of :

Don't be in such a rush to wean, as it makes zero difference to them sleeping through! I probably could have missed out the purée stage altogether if I had just waited a bit longer.
Another great one someone said above is not reacting to every little grizzle. First time around if they stirred in the night I would be straight up making a bottle, when in fact if I had just left them they probably would have just gone back to sleep. In my defence though I had twins and so it was hard to leave them grizzling incase they woke the other one!

Use better sling ASAP - no baby fucking Bjorns for us this time.

Less pressure on self to EBF/express milk. A bit of formula here and there ain't gonna hurt anyone.

Basically just be way more chilled. I hated the newborn stage last time, I'm determined to at least try and enjoy it more this year!

Great advice - just enjoy it!!! And stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, why their baby sleeps and mine doesn't etc etc, have to remember all babies are different and not robots all programmed the same way.

Oh and that wonder weeks app is coming nowhere near any of my devices this time!
Just parent the child in front of you.

I can't remember where I found it with DS, on MN somewhere I think, but we roughly followed the

Eat
Activity
Sleep
'You time'

Routine. So I would feed DS upon waking from his nap, then play with him for an age appropriate amount of time, then spend about 100 years trying to get him sleep , then try and do 8 million things while he had one of his teeny tiny naps .

This fitted roughly in with what he was doing naturally and gave me a bit of structure and worked for us. It's how we avoided feeding to sleep (in the main) so thought I'd share it here in case it might help.

I was bloody lucky and just hope it's as easy (relatively!) as last time.
Will definitely be:

• Using sling again, brilliant for ease of movement, MN'ing and getting baby to sleep.
• Co-sleeping. No.1 was a moses basket refuser from the off and I won't bother persevering for a week or so this time.
• Getting DP to give DC a bottle of formula in the evening: bonding time for them, DC gets used to bottle, I get four hours sleep. Win/win/win!
• Ignoring all books in favour of consulting real people with real children on MN.

Naturally I know this one will have epic reflux, colic and allergies and won't sleep for more than 45 mins at a go til they're 17, but hey....

crisps NCT close caboo is a great newborn wrap. Loads of tutorials online on how to tie.

I'll use ours earlier this time'

Thanks-I'll look up the caboo sling-it's not one I've heard of before!

Crisps I've bought a stretchy wrap from here (they were on offer but are still really cheap). I had a ring sling last time but it wasn't comfortable. Don't be put off by the wrapping, YouTube will help you!

Same sentiment as Thursday here too. I really didn't enjoy things last time. This is the last baby I'm having, so I need to try to enjoy it (but not too much, got a shorter leave this time!)

Not stress about weight centiles! And not stress if they don't eat exactly the amo by you want them to every feed! DS was 10.5lbs when born so naturally slipped down but stayed pretty consistent after that but I was desperately worried. HV didn't help much. He did have silent reflux so it was a nightmare of trying to BF and then special formulas and drugs. I just know it's going to happen again but we'll know what to do this time. Also DS1 is in a nice routine now and naps well so am hoping to slot DS2 into that routine as much as possible but with the extra feeds and naps. And as a PP said never wake a sleeping baby! Also as soon as DS2 seems uninterested in dream feed it will be dropped instead of stringing it out. DS1 was never much bothered. Agree with the weaning too. Would love to skip the purée stage! Also have less mat leave this time - only 6 months - but have fantastic nanny (hence having to go back earlier - she needs paying unfortunately!) so am going to try and spend as much time with DS1 as possible as I assume it will be more valuable for him and help reduce any jealousy. Best laid plans!!

I just want to relax more, try and enjoy it and take better care of me.

For those of you thinking of slings, my local nct does a sling club where you can go and try on lots of different slings and get tips. Don't have to be a member but only happens every few months. I am going to try that as didn't get on with the last sling as was way too complicated in my sleep deprived state.

Worry less about bf..I really struggled with dd to get her to latch and felt like a failure when I had to resort to combined feeding (bf and formula)...in hindsight I think it was a blessing in disguise as my sister who had a baby the same age exclusively bf and regretted not doing both.

Also, use a sling as I will have a 2.9 year old to take out with me too. Any suggestions?

Try not to jump at every little cry.

Go to children's centres earlier to not only keep dd sane but me too so I can meet local mums. Won't be going back to work this time for a few years because of high childcare fees so I will need adult company.

Stop comparing myself to other mums because their babies sleep through...dd had reflux (still does!)

Do blw properly when it comes to weaning. I did it a few weeks after doing purées (which was a waste of time). Should have just gone straight into blw.

Oh by the way...the dummy is a god send! I used one on dd...helped with the reflux. So if you want to use on on your dc do it. Ignore what everyone tells you re speech/teeth etc. DDs teeth are fine and so is her speech!

What a great thread! Great advice about the bedtime routine shadow I will be trying that....feed first then bath!

I will definitely be putting my foot down with the in laws!

Also putting baby down when I can......DS is 5 and doesn't sleep through the night or in his own bed!

Remember the phrase: 'everything is a phase', the good times, the bad times and i can't survive this times. Everything is a phase and will change. Once i realised this, it helped get through the rough nights and endless screaming, knowing my sweet, smiley boy will be back soon. I'll know this from the off this time

And i will not be looking at one 'how to bring up your baby' book. They cause much more stress than they are worth.

This time, I will be taking more time to rest up and recover, I will be formula feeding from birth without any guilt, I will be more assertive with midwives, and I'm not putting up with running after in-laws when they visit.. pretty sure they can make their own cups of tea!

I am also going to take more time to enjoy the newborn stage and sleepy cuddles.. but will also be aware about putting baby down for naps when tired. I learned this the hard way at about 3 months, not realising he was screaming from tiredness (rookie error... I had assumed they would always just fall asleep when tired..)

I will be mostly mix feeding and trying to remember that dummies are not that bad. Dd was baffled by both bottles and dummies so I was stuck bf-ing for over a year, which was just too bloody hard!
Looking forward to getting a decent sling as well, baby bjorns are poo.
Oh and definitely trying to relax more...

I'll be trying cloth nappies, making sure I enjoy my baby and have lots of cuddles, and trying to get out more to meet other people. I ended up a little isolated last time!

Being a bit stricter with a routine/timings/bedtime etc, I had zero for DS but want to be a bit more structured this time. Definitely try with dream feeds at set time each night. Have baby next to me in sleepyhead (DH moves to spare room) in bed at night rather than crib next to bed. Soak up more moments, cuddle, chill, remember it will all get easier and moves so fast you cant remember it.
DS has a dummy (still at 2 years old) so was not sure if we should do again for this one but given how many of you are thinking of introducing one, I might keep it going?!

I already had my second one and have done many things differently because I'm simply more relaxed. No worrying that his room is too warm, by 1 degree. No obsessive tracking of percentiles and weight gain. Certainly no worrying and reading baby books telling you that 'by now, your child should be doing..'. They will all start rolling and sitting and grabbing and crawling eventually and in all honestly, the later they're on the move, the better

Things I have done differently because DC2 is a different baby with different preferences:

• sling. DC1 didn't like it, I think I used the wraps and carriers about twice. DC2 pretty much lived in her wrap for the first months and firmly prefers Ergo over buggy now. Could also then keep DC2 close when running after DC1.
• BLW. I tried with DC1 who refused. DC2 refused purees and stole my toast instead.

Things I have conciously done differently -

• no feeding to sleep.
• no jumping up if DC2 just moans a little. in 9 cases out of 10, she will fall asleep again without any assistance.
• no daily baths, babies do not need to be washed that often and it really dried up DC1's skin.

Things I tried to do differently but didn't succeed:
-buy less clothes, they grow out of everything in about 2 seconds. DC2 still has a wardrobe full of stuff and loads of things she never even got to wear.

Brilliant thread.

like lots of you, i was an anxiety ball for the first 6 mths of DS1's life.

This time:

• Sling sling sling. Close Caboo. Only discovered it at 8 weeks. Changed my life!

-Not stressing that they only sleep for 40 mins at a time. I'd litereally be a stress bucket from 35 mins on, waiting for him to wake and then my nerves would stand on end. EVENTUALLY they will nap less and longer, dont force it. Every time he woke from a 40 min nap i thought i was a failure as a mother- no word of a lie :(

-defo no feeding to sleep!! did it for about 6 mths and it had disastrous consequences!! last feed at 6pm then bedtime routine, wish i'd known that

• DO NOT BUY SOMETHING EVERY TIME I PASS NEXT!!!! they need very little. And there is better value to be had in the likes of tesco, h&m

Not let the kids mess bother me too much relax on the cleaning don't do a food shop the day after having baby🙈

During pregnancy - I'm trying to be kinder to myself and take the time to listen to and appreciate what's going on in my body. Get less stressed by work that's not really important at the end of the day.

With the baby - use a sling, worry less about what state the house is in, and be more assertive with in laws descending for weeks on end (and all visitors in hospital - I didn't need fil and bil to see me last time with my arse hanging out of a hospital gown and a catheter bag) Dd was in nicu last time round and I couldn't be taken to see her for 24 hours, so I'm debating whether to ask all relatives to stay away until I'm able to see the baby if we're in the same position again. It was really painful knowing that they'd all been in to see her and I couldn't, it felt like she wasn't my baby. I don't think they'd react well to that though.

And another one... This baby will sleep. No idea how I'll make that happen, but it will sleep

Other then just be more relaxed and confident in my abilities my main differences will be:

-co-sleep from birth (no pissing about trying to get baby to settle in Moses basket, I now know they aren't lying about the 4th trimester!!)

-sling! My first never really took to it but as he's nowhere near ready to ditch his buggy and I have no intention of buying a double then baby is going to have to like a sling!

I'm not pregnant with #2 yet, but I intend on....

• not being induced if I go overdue (I'll want a CS instead!)
• not letting my mum be in the room when I deliver (she really stressed me out being there)
• using a sling more (I was so obsessed with not letting DS sleep on me, and I kind of regret it now)
• give up breastfeeding sooner (it was so painful)
• not eat so much cake in the early weeks
• not worry that I don't love my baby enough in the first few weeks, and be relaxed that the love comes naturally with time (and then it's overwhelming :))

I'll be ready earlier.... I will not be caught out by an early arrival this time.
I will accept help from other people and not be a martyr.