I feel like this is the end. Desperate for help. Severely depressed.

[scaredmum2be]

28+4 weeks pregnant here. 22 years old in a solid long term relationship. Suffered with major anxiety/depression since 16 years old. Which brings me to today. I was just about managing until about a month ago when I did not sleep other than 2-4 hours each night for five nights in a row. Every night I got in to bed I had an urge to move my legs and it kept me up all night.

I have tried:
Bananas
Milk
Raising my legs on pillows
Exercise
Cold showers on legs
Bath before bed
I have had my iron levels checked which are fine
Tonic water
Paracetamol
Stretching
Trying to ignore it until they twitch

Nothing works. My sleep did improve for a bit other than the odd night here and their, trouble is once I fall asleep I am awake 1-2 hours later for the bloody toilet as baby is lying on my bladder despite not drinking 3 hours before bed, this can happen anywhere between 3-6 times a night. So then I have to go through the pain of falling asleep all over again. What makes it worse is I can not even watch TV or lie on the sofa because I get a horrible feeling in my legs. I can't relax. I have a fear of being at home, I fear getting into bed every night, I have a fear of sitting and lying down. That's why I'm not sure I have restless legs I think my anxiety is causing all these feelings in my legs as I am so scared. Please help me. I can't take anymore. I a, depressed, scared I'll never sleep again, I'm tired, I can't even watch TV I sit here all day and cry just staring at the wall. I'm scared and lonely. Today I've slept between 9-10. Then 11-12 then 12-1 then nothing since. Doctors say nothing they can do just to try natural remedies and get counselling. Nothing's working. I do plenty of walking each day now about three miles as I can't bear to be at home. I don't know where to turn and the only way out is to end my life. I feel like I am being tortured slowly. I can't tell doctors I'm sucikdal as their take baby away when she's born won't they but I can't do this anymore. Someone please help :'(
When I was at in laws for Christmas and sitting down my legs where not so bad as I was busy so I think it's all down to anxiety but I can't forget about it. I see my bed and get anxious. I have physical symptoms of exhaustion and I'm depleted.

I had the insomnia and restless legs. I wasn't anxious or depressed, so they aren't necessarily related.

The restless legs tends to strike when tired, which is why you don't get it at other times. Elevating them (I used to fling them over the back of the sofa in the evenings!) and getting a firm leg rub helped a bit but not entirely.

I don't have any cure for the insomnia but in the end I embraced it rather than fighting it and used the extra awake time to read - trashy novels, hypnobirthing books, whatever. I was a lot happier once I decided I was ok with being awake rather than being miserable about it.

Both went away as soon as the baby was delivered. I know it's horrible but hang on in there.

I have restless legs and had them last pregnancy, all your leg symptoms sound like restless legs definitely. I just wanted to add that walking any distance makes my legs so much worse that evening, that maybe the walking isn't such a good idea!
Please go and get help for your anxiety as well, both things combined with the sleep deprivation will make you feel awful.

thanks. i am getting help tomorrow.
I can't live with my restless legs until 40 weeks though. Im only 28 weeks 4 days. :'(
In tears thinking about it now. Am i stuck with this torutre where I can't even relax until then :( I'm never going to sleep am I and nothing will help them will it :( I just want eight hours sleep.
petrified of tonight. don't think I can do this anymore

I'm so glad you are going to the GP tomorrow.

Have you tried doing something which requires hand-eye co-ordination / high concentration? Apparently that can help make you feel more ready for sleep. Do you do any craft or art at all? Try something that everyone can do - like cutting out a fancy snowflake from folded paper (instructions all over Pinterest), or print out a really complicated colouring pattern to colour in. If you found that you were better over Christmas when you were more occupied, it may be a question of finding activities that occupy your brain fully and don't leave too much room for thinking / anxiety.

Really hope that the GP helps. x

Oh - or try drawing your own 'zen doodle'. Tons of instructions and ideas on the internet.

There may be a fixable physical cause for your restless legs.

I would strongly recommend taking magnesium (magnesium citrate is highly absorbable), zinc (zinc picolinate is a good form though you must always take zinc on a full stomach as it can cause nausea and cramps otherwise) and also Spatone a liquid iron supplement, available at Boots, highly absorbable.

I know you say you have had your iron levels checked but the range of 'normal' for iron stores is huge. You could easily be at the low end of the normal range but for you as an individual that may not be an optimum amount at all. I am very prone to anaemia especially when pregnant and took 2 sachets of Spatone a day for whole pregnancy to keep me at low end of normal when tested.

Glad you have an appt tomorrow. Hope you get some help. I know it is very scary to think about being honest with health professionals as you're worried about them taking your baby but they really do have a vested interest in supporting you to be the best mother you can be.

It sounds like the anxiety etc started when you were still quite young. I am not asking you for details but I assume there are issues that started in your childhood. I don't know if you are having any therapy now but if not, it may be a good time to start?

You are having a dreadful time but through reading the little bit you have posted I think it's possible things will really improve. But you need to take action for that to happen: trial the supplements and be honest at the appt.

Get bloods checked. You could be anaemic. Iron deficiency can cause restless legs- I'm 34 weeks and didn't sleep for weeks from restless legs. After blood tests I was put on iron and things have massively improved.

Not sleeping combined with pregnancy hormones can lead to terrible mental state. This is what I've found in this pregnancy. I was afraid to discuss how I feel but have decided I need to at my next midwife appointment next week.

These feelings will pass but you need help. The lack of sleep really plays havoc with your mind.

I know you say you have had your iron levels checked but the range of 'normal' for iron stores is huge. You could easily be at the low end of the normal range but for you as an individual that may not be an optimum amount at all. I am very prone to anaemia especially when pregnant and took 2 sachets of Spatone a day for whole pregnancy to keep me at low end of normal when tested.

I second this, actually. One consultant I saw was talking about iron transfusions and bleeds after birth, the next one I saw when my iron level had gone up 0.5 was like "You're fine, I'm discharging you". Meanwhile I still feel faint if I stand up for longer than 5 minutes. I'm still way way way at the bottom of the acceptable range, and back when it started dropping at 16 weeks they wouldn't do anything even though I felt faint and mega tired all the time.

Find out exactly what your hemoglobin level was on your last test, and get some Spatone. Amazon or Holland & Barretts sell it.

Goodnightdarthvader Are you pregnant still at mo? Wasn't sure if you were or still are IYSWIM. Just because I was going to say when I was severely anaemic a couple of years ago (not pregnant) I was in a bad way and had a blood test at doc's. I started on Spatone about 10 days before appt - 5-6 sachets a day(!) I felt like a partial human being again by the time I had my appt. I was still very, very low (borderline transfusion) when my blood test results came back so God knows what they would have been before the Spatone took effect.

I then felt steadily better and better but was still necking Spatone like there was no tomorrow. For months and months.

A very long-winded way of saying once you have had baby I recommend lots and lots of Spatone and for a longer time than you might think, to get your levels properly back up!

Thanks Oven, yes, I am still pregnant, 33 weeks. I figured I'd need to keep necking the Spatone, given that the doctors seem to think a low level is absolutely fine

Yes I think the 'normal value' range for iron gets used wrongly. If your levels are just below you are treated. If you are even 0.5 above the level you are in the normal zone and don't require treatment. Doesn't make sense, as you say.

Plus, surely we should be aiming for an optimum (much higher) level of iron, rather than 'It's okay they are just about the level that requires a transfusion' amount?

OP Please have a look at a current thread in Chat entitled something like 'Restless legs...can tell I'm in for another bad night'. Some good ideas.

Here's hoping your night is better.

Scared. Instead, I've worked with my own anxiety most my life and I know how easy it is to think the worst case scenario. The truth is what is the worst that can happen? Your might wake up a lot, but that's pretty normal for most pregnant women. You know yourself the key to getting sleep is to face the fear of not sleeping, you sound clued up on anxiety. So atm yes your struggling to implement acceptance, but think back to previous anxieties. It comes over time doesn't it, it would be virtually impossible for anybody just to easily dismiss suffering. I suspect your already aware that your anxiety is born out of trying to control the situation. That your looking into the future fearing thar your trapped with restless legs and sleep deprivation. When those thoughts come that it fine, you can't be rid of fear thoughts.. everybody has them. Over time though it's better to self sooth, but as you said you know the drill really. You will sort this

I can relate to this, I felt like I was literally going mad through lack of sleep in my second pregnancy, it was like a form of torture.

I agree with everyone suggestion iron/magnesium supplement, perhaps a B complex vit as well, this has helped me with my sleeping issues recently.

All I can say is hang on in there, talk with the GP, take some supplements, and know that this will end. It is hard though, I honestly thought I was going crazy. Once I slept a few nights, I was like a normal person again (well, as normal as I ever get).

OP,

I really feel for you, I have a history of severe depression and anxiety which causes major problems with sleep, which in turn has a major effect on me being able to function (vicious cycle). I am pregnant (38 weeks), throughout my pregnancy I have been taking amitriptyline, a tricycle antidepressant, which is a lifesaver in terms of sleep regulation. It is known to be safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding, it it quite an old fashioned AD and has many years of knowledge regarding use in pregnancy etc. I been on over a dozen different ADs over the years and for me amitriptyline has the fewest unfavourable side effects (surprisingly I found it helped with reducing the need for night time weeing as well as with sleep).

I get the restless legs effect (I feel all wiggly and fidgety) if I am overtired so it is not surprising that you have this, it sounds as if you are exhausted mentally and physically). I was a bit anaemic and am on iron tablets but it sounds like that is not the case for you. It can be very easy for people to underestimate the effects of poor sleep on someone who has existing problems (like the comment of "you'll sleep when you are tired". It needs to be treated as part of a bigger issue, and you need to seek support for you MH during your pregnancy - its a really difficult time physically and mentally.

You say the GP has said there is nothing for you to try - GPs are often reluctant to prescribe to pregnant women, but specialist mental health professionals (consultant psychiatrists, mental health midwives etc) are far more useful, knowledgeable, and willing to discuss medication (if that is something you want) or provide better support. It might be worth asking for an urgent referral to speak to a psych consultant.

Try not to worry about people judging you are that your baby will get taken away from you due to MH issues. All medical people I have been in contact with are far more interested in making sure I am well and coping, and making sure there are strategies in place should I need them after birth etc. No one has ever passed comment on the many, many self harm scars when I have been examined or had bp taken, and I have never once been made to feel like I shouldn't be having a baby because I have a history of MH issues. There is a chance that I have just been fortunate and that not everyone will experience such care but I have seen a lot of different HCP, even prior TTC with respect to getting support in place and pregnancy appropriate meds. If you do come across anyone who is not helpful with respect to ante-/post-natal MH problems then demand to see someone else.

I have posted about depression and taking ADs in pregnancy many times on MN so older posts might have better info.

Best of luck

Hi there, you're absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do - I've been struggling with sleep deprivation and extreme anxiety for weeks now, too. I know how lonely it is to be too frightened to go to bed at night and sitting awake, at 5am, willing the sun to come up.

I get palpitations at night and feel like I've stopped breathing. It's been like torture but I'm told all my tests are ok (apart from an elevated heart rate ). At 32 weeks, I have days where I don't know if I can go on, too. All I can say is please, please be honest with your doctor/midwife about how you feel.

I wasn't feeling very strong last time I went to see my midwife so a friend came with me and really spoke up for me - I was a bit embarrassed but she told the midwife I desperately needed help and now the Drs are taking me seriously - at last. I think they see so many anxious mums to be, they need to be shocked into the reality of how you're feeling to actually put things in motion to get you the help you need.

I'm counting down the weeks (days, even hours) till I can feel normal again. Please keep posting - you're in good company here x

OP, I sympathise. I didn't sleep much from about 20 weeks pg and had morning sickness until the day I gave birth. I was really down, physically and mentally exhausted and couldn't imagine how I would make it to full term. But I did and the minute DD was born, I felt so much better.
Doctor suggested it was antenatal depression in my case which either caused or was contributed to by restless legs, sickness and sciatica. (Bit chicken/egg as not sure which caused the other). I was signed off work at 27 weeks until I could start Mat Leave.
What I can tell you is that despite the lack of sleep, I did survive the pregnancy and there was a huge benefit in the fact that I was able to cope with the sleep deprivation better than most new parents! I got more sleep dealing with a newborn than I had in months. I also passed the PND quiz with flying colours
It's awful when you are in the middle of the anxiety and dealing with physical symptoms, and lack of sleep too. BUT there is an end in sight and it is closer every day. My mantra throughout pregnancy was "This too shall pass" (but only in my head as I was already freaking DH out).

How are you feeling today OP? Did you manage to see the GP?