Naming conundrum.

[Mikethenight2good]

We are expecting our first child in the spring & very excited! We have chosen not to find out the sex.

My SIL is also pg & due after us but they will find out the sex. It is a very exciting time but there is one little issue.

We both want the same name if we have a girl. It has come up in conversation before & it was agreed whoever has a girl first gets the name. Now we are in the situation that even though I am due first she will know gender before us.

If it were anyone else (eg my sister) I would probably have an adult conversion or probably let it go. However my SIL is incredibly manipulative & gets her own way on alot, which makes me want to stand my ground even more. Plus My PIL are staying with us for Xmas & keep going on about how SIL is convinced it's a girl & if it is we have a “war on our hands” if we want the same name. All said very jokingly but tbh MIL is stirring. My auto response is to laugh & say if we both have the same gender, she will have to get used to having 2 grandchildren with the same name. (I don't want them to see it's bothering me.)

My plan was to ignore it all & once bubs is born & if they suit the name we will name them that. However if she does find out she is having a girl, I think I am going to be told she is calling baby the name we both like or at best talk to me about it & ask not to name our baby the same. I always feel PIL manipulate hubby into letting Sil have her own way so How do I handle this as a mature adult?

I appreciate that this could be a mute point but feel I could really do with some advice!

Moot point. Not "mute".

Two grandchildren with the same name is really not a problem. When your baby is born, it might be a boy or it might be a girl and you choose another name. Or your sister-in-law might change her mind. Or they have the same name. As long as both babies are happy and healthy, there is no issue. Stick to your guns and laugh off any pressure from your in-laws to pit you against your sister in law.

If you truly love this name then have it no matter what. They will all have to put up with it. You should be able to choose your child's name with no pressure from anyone. If it was me I'd say politely but firmly that I planned on using the name and that I didn't mind if she used the same one. Then smile and nod. What is it? Go on!!

I would find out gender and lay claim to the name now if I were you but I'm far too impatient to wait for a surprise anyway! We had both ours sexed named and godparented by 13 weeks!! (Good old Harmony test!) Otherwise you just name yours first as it'll be here first and screw her!

I agree laundry as long as both bubs are healthy that's the main thing. I have had 3 mc before this one so really don't want to get caught up in pettiness but it's riling me at the moment.

I agree, I'd find out whether it's a girl first before angsting over it.

If they're both girls, do whatever you want. It doesn't sound like it's a good relationship that'll be ruined anyway.

I wouldn't see the problem, tbh. We have five boys/men with the same name within second-cousins. It's never been a problem.

If they are going to be difficult about it can you use a different spelling?

If you really can't tell SIL to wait her turn....

What if you pretend that it's a girl (but don't really find out the gender). Play it cagey, like "They were 90% sure it's a girl so we're pretty sure this will be Amy! But don't buy us anything too girlie for a gift in case the 10% is right" and then when the baby is born, go with your real plan about deciding if you think the name still fits.

I'm a bit of a bald faced cheeky liar me, though.

Don't make it between you and SIL. Are there not fathers involved with an equal say in the child's name??

You don't have to handle this at all, leave it to her brother - your husband.

Well if she's due after you just call your baby whatever you like and let her decide whether or not she still wants to use the name after that.