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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH can't attend 20 week scan

42 replies

LouLou030783 · 19/12/2015 23:16

Basically he helps run a family business and when my 20 weeks scan is, his parents are on holiday which we didn't realise until tonight, this therefore means that he will be unable to attend the scan.

I offered to change it and he said he's honestly ok with not going and plus he doesn't want to know the gender whereas I do so he said it might be better if he isn't there. My other 2 children shall be attending the scan as they are on a school break that week.

But now I feel like a total dilemma I feel like he should be asking me to change it but I also understand his reasons for not being too bothered if that's the right word to be used

Opinions please

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Whatdoidohelp · 20/12/2015 09:58

Children are not allowed to attend scans at my hospital. This is a series diagnostic scan, not a fun day out to see if they are going to have a brother or a sister.

Runningupthathill82 · 20/12/2015 10:55

We couldn't get childcare for DS for my 20-week scan, so DH sat outside with him while I went in alone. Once the sonographer was satisfied all was fine, they both came in for a look.

The idea was that, if there was a problem, DH would be there to drive me home and offer support, but by not having them in the room hopefully DS would be shielded from my initial panic and upset.

This was not ideal and I absolutely would have left him with a babysitter if I could. I know lots of people who have had difficult news at the 20-week scan - that's why it's the anomaly scan! - and I don't think having children there is at all appropriate.

If I were in your shoes I'd leave the children with a babysitter. And if your DH can't be there, then he can't be there - if it matters a lot to you and you have the money, you could book a private scan as well, for a better time.

Fugghetaboutit · 20/12/2015 19:45

Who's been unkind on the thread?

MummyC92 · 20/12/2015 21:25

With my DC (4years ago), the ultrasound appointment form stated that children were not permitted, definitely check before hand!
My mother wanted to see the 20 week scan with my DP and she waited outside while they did the necessary checks/measurements etc. Then once everything looked okay my DP called in DM to be there when they gave us the gender. If you can get childcare perhaps a compromise would be to have someone come with you and wait outside with DC whilst they check baby is okay?

PeasinPod1 · 21/12/2015 10:38

Hi all, do you think we wouldn't be able to bring our 2 year old in his buggy with us into the room, as have my 20 week scan this week and assumed it would be ok?

Fugghetaboutit · 21/12/2015 12:02

I would call the ultrasound dept and check. I took ds in buggy to my 12 week scan but that is much quicker and less in depth that the 20 week scan. It said on my letter children should not attend in case of distressing news, plus the technician really needs to concentrate for a good 20/30 mins

mercifulTehlu · 21/12/2015 12:08

Yy to not taking your dc. The whole point of scans is to check for problems, not to find out the sex of the baby! Another one here who left the scan appointment in tears, though all was ok in the end.

Lancelottie · 21/12/2015 12:20

I too had potential problems picked up at the 20-week scan.

DS (age 5) was with us (because by ill luck he had an appointment at the same hospital that day), and had to wait in the waiting room with an increasingly worried DH while they scanned... and scanned... and asked other people in for another look... and sent us all off to a counselling room, where I tried to convey to DH what the problem might be, in front of a questioning little boy. It wasn't fun. But I sort of feel you've realised that by now!

mouldycheesefan · 21/12/2015 12:26

Change Appointment to when Husband can get time off and grandparents can look after kids.

SpanglesGalloway · 21/12/2015 12:35

I would suggest change your date if possible to when DH can attend. I know you may feel that some posters are scare mongering etc but I too have been the lady crying in a side room after finding a heart abnormality at 20w scan changing my pregnancy from completely low risk to now high risk consultant lead with nothing to indicate this before 20w and I had 2 scans before that point. If DH hadn't been there I think it would have been impossible for me ti get home! I'm sure all will be fine but please be prepared!

Featherstep · 21/12/2015 13:13

I went alone as DH was abroad and I felt fine. Luckily it was all ok.

I did consider changing the scan appointment but bear in mind that it can take a while to do that if your hospital is busy. In balance I'd rather go alone than wait 2 weeks. I didn't want to wait too long to find out if anything is wrong and yes, 2 weeks was too long for me.

Goingtobeawesome · 21/12/2015 13:19

If you forgot the sonographer would be looking for problems what did you think the point of the scan was? .

IME getting bad news alone -as DH had taken fractious kids to the car - is not great.

I hope all is okay with the baby but I think you need to rethink the kids going with you.

PeasinPod1 · 21/12/2015 14:09

Re. taking younger DC just checked with my hospital and they said as long as toddler in buggy and calm (he will be- when bribed with packet of crisps ) we are able to bring him in. No way I'd want to go without DH there though OP.

elliejjtiny · 22/12/2015 03:38

I had an anomaly diagnosed at the 20 week scan with DS4 (cleft lip). I had DH with me and our older 3 children who were 2, 4 and 6 at the time. It wasn't ideal, but it was manageable. We didn't have anyone to leave the older ones with unless I went on my own and DH stayed with them. It would have been harder on my own though and it didn't seem fair to DH to ask him to take time off work so I could go to the scan without him.

I'm surprised at the amount of hospitals who don't let children in. Is that just for scans or antenatal clinic too? I had quite a few scans and appointments with DS4 and DS5 and I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been allowed to bring my other dc. DH managed to get time off work for the 12 and 20 week scans with all of them but couldn't have taken more than that (he was disciplined for taking unpaid leave for DS4's operation and when I spent 3 days on the antenatal ward).

Fugghetaboutit · 22/12/2015 05:17

Just for 20 week scans^ there's always loads of screaming kids in my midwife unit

Fugghetaboutit · 22/12/2015 05:18

I think it's sensible not to allow children to anomaly scans, not surprising.

Sansoora · 22/12/2015 05:25

Lou, how can you ensure your DD doesn't give the game away and let slip to your DH the gender of the baby?

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