Pregnant for the second time & im depressed

[lindseyyyy]

Hi
I'm 20 weeks with second baby-there will be 15 months between my children. I feel really guilty as I feel so down. I know I'm so lucky to be having another child when some people can't even have one but I am not excited about this baby, I worry about coping with the 2, I hate what I look like & some days cry a lot.

My LO is the light of my life but apart from that I get no joy. I'm resentful of my OH-& everyone else-for having some fun & doing the things they enjoy. I worry I'm driving my OH away even though I try to hide my misery. I didn't even get excited by the 20 weeks scan or by feeling baby move.

I feel terrible that this should be one of the happiest times of my life but I can't enjoy it. I feel as though I deserv for something bad to happen to me on the baby. Or that my feeling like this will harm the baby.

I can't talk to anyone about this, so please no harsh judgey comments. I know it's just the hormones & all I can do is wait for baby to be born but I just want to feel better.
😢

Nobody will judge you for your feelings. You say you can't talk to anyone about it but if you're not comfortable talking to your family or a friend, you could try your GP maybe? It sounds like it would do you some good to get some of this off your chest.

Please talk to your midwife. I felt depressed in my second pregnancy and there is help available. Nobody will judge you

Thanks for your messages. Bifswif can I ask what help u got? & did u feel better straight after birth?
I felt a bit like this in 3rd trimester of first pregnancy but didn't realise it was just hormones as I had things in my life I was worried about. But within a few days of birth I felt normal again.
Hoping that happens this time but I feel worse & it started in 2nd tri this time.

I had to go back on low dose antidepressants after the birth, I have a history of depression and although I was able to come off ADs and was doing well before the pregnancy, I did need them afterwards.

I was referred to a perinatal team who were lovely, I was offered antidepressants while I was pregnant but it was towards the end of the pregnancy so I chose to wait and see if I felt better after birth. I had a traumatic labour, my baby was over 11lb and things didn't go well, I think that played a part in me getting ill after the birth and needing to go back on the tablets.

I think the important thing is you've recognised that you don't feel yourself, and you can monitor it. I would speak to your midwife so you get a bit of additional support after the birth, hopefully you'll feel fine and won't need to do anything more once baby is here but if you don't, help will already be available to you.

My baby and I are both fine now I hasten to add! By things not going well I meant I had a lot of intervention for delivery but baby was fine and well x

And your feelings won't harm your baby, I promise.

Talk to your midwife. Not sure there is loads and loads they can do unless it is very severe depression but they can keep an eye on you and also tell you it's actually not uncommon to get antenatal depression. You can get referrals for help (counselling etc). I found it comforting to know it was common though and then just rode it out.

I had ante-natal depression with my second having had post natal first time. I had counselling throughout which helped a little bit. But when dc2 was born I felt is lift immediately and have never needed any support since, it just went.

Don't suffer alone, I remember how awful it felt and am sending you a hug x

Thanks for your kind messages. Hannah I'm hoping I'll be like u & feel fine afterwards, like I was with Dc1.
The rational part of me knows it'll go away & it's not proper depression, I just hope I don't feel any worse & it doesn't affect the baby.

I can cope with the feeling miserable & hopeless it's just the self hatred & guilt & crying I find hard.

Thanks again everyone x