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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Abortion?

60 replies

whattodo89 · 03/12/2015 19:47

I'm going to post this in a few places because I am after as much advice as I can get. Please don't flame me, I am feeling horrendous enough as it is.

I am almost 7 weeks pregnant by a man I have known for a few months. He lives an hour away so I have only seen him at weekends so it is fair to say we are as good as strangers.That said he has been very supportive, would support my choice whatever I decided.

I have been undecided until now. I want an abortion. HOWEVER... I have a 7 year old who overheard a conversation between my friend and I. He realised I was pregnant and is now completely over the moon.

I kept telling him it's not a baby it's a seed but his mind is set, he's constantly rubbing my tummy, talking about 'our angel', wanting to know how the be the best big brother etc. He has wanted a sibling desperately for years. He is amazing with babies and incredibly loving towards them. He told me this morning finding out about the 'seed' is the best thing that has ever happened to him. He keeps asking how many days until it's born and going into details about what he'll do with it.

With that in mind, I don't know if I can do it. The guilt in terms of my little boy would be over-whelming. He is so very sensitive and still cries regularly over his pet who died 2 years ago.

Now I know it sounds mad to consider keeping a baby for the sake of not upsetting my son, but I honestly feel like it would be incredibly traumatic for him to believe I lost the baby or the seed did not grow.

Please please help and please don't flame. I hate myself for not being more careful about my son hearing. What a mess.

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 06/12/2015 07:51

Your son aside you must make the decision for yourself op. But sometimes things seem to just happen for a reason. I have no business saying this but if you decide to have the baby I think you will be an amazing mum.

MyNewBearTotoro · 06/12/2015 07:52

I think you need to think about what you know will be best for your family.

Your son is excited by the idea of a sibling but in reality it will of course be different. Will you be able to cope with another baby, emotionally and financially? If not then a sibling might make things worse for DS even if he believes this baby is a blessing.

On the other hand, what will be the emotional impact of your DS if he is led to believe you have lost the baby? If he is very upset what will be the emotional impact on you as you try to support him through it whilst knowing you are keeping the truth from him?

Unfortunately I don't think there is an easy or obvious answer, I think whichever choice you make is going to have both a positive and a negative impact for both you and DS. I suppose for you it is trying to determine which choice will be better for your family long-term.

I think counselling to help you make this decision is a good idea, I think a trained professional will be in a better decision to help you with this decision than anybody here as the important thing for you is to talk through your thoughts and feelings so that you can reach the decision yourself. Unfortunately this is one of those situations where no one else can really give you the solution.

Best of luck in reaching your decision

yourusername12345678910 · 06/12/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Footle · 06/12/2015 07:56

Reported. Come on MN , wake up and sort this out.

sepa · 06/12/2015 08:03

OP, you said that the dad will support you in your decision. Has he made you aware if he has a preference if you proceed with the pregnancy or not?

DifferentCats · 06/12/2015 09:43

Glad that tosh got deleted.

Hope that nobody reading it got upset. There are lots of people capable of empathy and moderation out here.

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 06/12/2015 12:09

Bit late to the thread, obviously missed a pretty nasty troll! OP if you saw the deleted posts then just ignore them! They have nothing relevant to add. We are fortunate that in the UK in the 21st century women are in control of their fertility & we are able to access clean facilities with medical staff present & there is nothing shameful or wrong in aborting if that's your decision.

So to clarify you were decided upon an abortion but once your 7 year old overheard its made you doubt your decision... You cannot have a baby because your 7 year old wants one. I have a 6 year old & they are fickle, it may be the case that once the baby arrives then your 7 year old changes his mind as babies take up a lot of time & effort & invariably an older child can feel pushed out, this isn't a comment on your son but it tends to happen in the majority of times. As mothers we cannot be in 2 places at once & a dirty nappy will always come before a game of Power Rangers. So although your son likes the idea of a sibling the reality of it may be quite different.

I may sound cold hearted & I'm sorry that your son feels awful about the loss of his pet but death or loss is something that children are exposed to eventually, whether its a grandparent or relative dying & it can be a positive that you are able to plan in advance how to break the news, rather than he goes to bed one evening with 2 grandparents & wakes up with 1 & you have to explain in your grief what's happened. I've done that & if I could have explained loss to my 5 year old when I was rational then it would have been easier. You know already that we cannot insulate children against loss so this is something your boy will have to deal with at some point, giving birth to a baby now will not stop him from having to cope with loss in the future.

I wish you the best I really do & I know that the decision you make will be the right one for you. You have to make this decision with you at the forefront of your mind, not your ds

katiec1991 · 06/12/2015 18:06

If you have any doubts then don't do it. Only if you are 100% sure with no doubts do it. There is plenty of support out then for single mums... If that's the case. But do what you feel is best x

miamiaMo · 10/12/2015 14:57

It will be very difficult decision and only you will be responsible for it. I think you should also ask yr dp what he thinks, as he is the father of a baby.

Coraltee123 · 10/12/2015 16:02

I think it's up to you. Your son will get over it maybe asking questions when he is older and then you should tell him the truth if it's what you decide to do but when I read this all I could think was it sounds like you would feel more guilty. Could you deal with the guilt? You seem to be letting your lb touch your stomach and stuff so your reaction for somebody who is set on an abortion doesn't sound to me like deep down you want to get one. I think it's an awful position to be in and wouldn't wish it on anyone but you must take you time deciding and make sure your 100% before doing anything. I don't know much about abortions as I live in Northern Ireland. So this is just purely my opinion sorry I couldn't be more helpful xxx

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