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Original poster

How to tell bare-faced lies to co-workers

62 replies

BibiJesus · 11/12/2006 16:08

Basically I've just found out I'm pg, and am telling everyone on MN as dh doesn't know yet and I'm giddy about it. Anyway, have a works Christmas do next week and have been blethering on and on about how much we should all drink and get merry this year after a tough time in work, how ace the cocktails are in the bar we're going to and basically everyone is going to wonder why I am not having a drink.

So far I've got

  • am on antibiotics for sore wisdom tooth (plausible as have been moaning about wisdom teeth)
  • drink coke and say it's vodka and coke/bacardi and coke etc (but doesn't solve the problem of the drinks kitty and rounds)

help please, you craft MNers!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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jem1969 · 11/12/2006 18:36

I'm in the same situation. Got a BFP on Friday and Xmas party is this Thursday. My close friends at work know we've been TTC because we were just about to start IVF and have been discussing it but has happened on it's own (after 18 months of TTC)! Now it's happened I want to keep it to myself though- am 37 and aware of all the potential problems.

I'm taking the sickie option, with a bit of making out the day before that I'm feeling ill. Can't face being surrounded by horribly drunk people and trying to make excuses for not drinking and then trying to sneak off home early. Sod the money! Also I'm starting to feel very tired and a bit sick and would have to be getting up from the table every 5 minutes to go to the loo!

Driving excuse wouldn't work as in party is in central London and antibiotics etc would make the girls guess straight away. (The men would probably just think I was being very boring!)

Next weekend with the mother in law I'm using the 'very drunk the night before' excuse..

FrayedKnotRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2006 18:47

Do Port&lemonAid's suggestion and don;t wear any make up to work that day.

People will think you look a bit washed out but won;t really get why.

I've just realised that I am going to big works do on Saturday and I am driving AND I genuinely am on antibiotics that you can't drink with, and now everyone will think I'm pg and I'm NOT!

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 11/12/2006 18:59

Congratulations.

I wouldn't do the antibiotics one, because people always use it, and they will certainly get suspicious. In fact, and excuse at all and people who know you well will suspect. I once tried a detox diet excuse, but this close to Christmas it might not work! Or you could try the "been hitting it hard lately and decided to give up for a few weeks". That might throw them off.

I found the best one was to say nothing at all. Get the first round in, and buy yourself something that looks convincingly ambiguous, like appletise served in a wine glass (pretending to be a spritzer).

Then sip it very slowly and by the time there is another round, say you are okay this time. Or if everyone is at the drinking contest stage, ask for a large glass of wine. Then go to the loo, taking the drink and buy another appletise and replace the wine, bringing it back to the table. Make sure you talk extra loudly and no-one will guess.

Eventually, once everyone has had a couple of drinks, they won't notice what you are doing.

For the rest of the evening just take tiny sips, pretending to drink, and tip wine away into plant pots etc. The best thing you can do is say nothing and no-one will notice!

Original poster
BibiJesus · 11/12/2006 19:45

My current thought is to make out I'm feeling rough the day before, go to the meal on Thursday lunchtime saying I feel off colour which is why I'm driving and not drinking, then make my excuses and go home. If I'm determined about it, I'm sure I can pull it off, they'll just think I'm a miserable sod.

OP posts:
NAB3 · 11/12/2006 19:50

Empty a bottle of beer and fill with your drink of choice, make it last all night.

beansprout · 11/12/2006 19:57

Congratulations Bibi!! Am soooo pleased for you!!

I don't drink (ever) but most of my colleagues aren't aware of this fact. I think the best option is to make sure you always have a drink so no-one else has to buy one for you, if possible, but if hey, if you have to lie, then go for it!! I would!!

That sounds like a really lovely xmas pressie for dh too. Am going all squidgy thinking about it!

wilkie50 · 11/12/2006 20:44

I work for a HUGE drink company and at their annual conference (huge free bar and cocktail bar) I ordered alcoholic drinks and then kept 'leaving' them i.e. putting them down and wandering off (this way people see you buying them and sipping them so don't question it). I then had soft drinks in between and if anyone queried it just said I was taking it steady. I know this seems a supreme waste of money (luckily our bar was free).

Not one person guessed!

lloydie · 11/12/2006 21:39

Bibijesus

I am in exactly the same position. It is our Xmas party next week and I have just found out I'm pregnant with our second child.

I am really looking forward to going out for a meal, so don't want to cry off, but Im not a big drinker anyway, so nobody would believe the "hangover from hell" excuse for me! In all honesty, Im going to go with the "dentist and antibiotics" excuse, although I'm sure some people will start guessing! . I can't believe that I have another Xmas without drinking, as last year I had just given birth to my DD and didn't drink due to breastfeeding!

Ah well, there's always next year!

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky · 11/12/2006 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lloydie · 11/12/2006 21:56

I've changed my mind. Think I'm gonna buy myself cokes all night and tell everyone they're Bacardi & coke (my choice of drink) then hopefully nobody will suspect. My best friend at work knows Im pg so I could just buy rounds with her and then pretend I've got alcohol to everyone else.

Its got to be worth a try!

Juicythe2ndnotsowiseman · 12/12/2006 11:42

I'd second the don't say anything unless asked. You think everyone is going to notice, but actually they're so busy concentrating on getting pissed, most don't actually look at what you're drinking.

Here are some suggestions:

  1. Kidney infection - from drinking too much at the w/e. Doctor has told you to take antibiotics AND lay off the booze for a week at least.
  2. Drink virgin cocktails on your round to the bar. No-ones going to know what's in them, but will think they look potent.
  3. Do say yes to voddie / tonic, but ask they serve tonic on the side and get rid of the voddie surupticiously if you can!

Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!

pulapula · 12/12/2006 14:11

At the christmas season has already started at work I have used 3 excuses already, and my cover has not been blown. I am struggling for my fourth which is needed for this Thursday, but plan to say I think I'm coming down with a cold and don't feel like drinking. Might have a sip of lager if pushed into it to keep my cover.

The one that worked great for me was the "hungover from last night" trick. There was even a discussion about telling when people were pg (as one woman was pg and we were reminiscing about when we guessed she was pg as she brought non-alcoholic beer to a party) - the one they said was a definite give-away was "anti-biotics" - I had to snigger to myself as no-one suspected a thing! They asked where I'd been out, who with, what I'd drunk and tried to convince me that hair-of-the-dog was required, but I got away with it.

On the other 2 occasions I've used my car as an excuse but came under serious pressure to take it home and get a bus back yesterday so don't think I can use that again. But still, people were jokingly asking me when we were going to start thinking about no 2 (as we've just moved to a 5-bed house) and don't think anyone guessed!

Good luck with all your little lies.

Original poster
BibiJesus · 13/12/2006 10:15

I've got myself some back up! After I caved and told dh, I also told a friend in work so she can
a. make sure at her round I get no alcohol and
b. back up any excuses I make to not drink/leave early.
It is such a relief to know someone else knows and I can trust her to keep it a secret. She was a good friend when I lost my second baby so I know she won't blab until i'm ready to tell. Phew! Still got to get round everyone else though!

OP posts:
Spockster · 14/12/2006 10:29

I think goat's cheese is unpasteurised, Bibi.

PamiNativity · 14/12/2006 10:40

I had to do this 2 years ago when pg with dd3. One trick is to have a white wine spritzer and just sip on it all night. Or a tonic (without the gin) which looks and smells relatively authentically like a G&T.
My BIL is a dentist, so he told me to say I had an abcess that needed antibiotics (luckily didn't need to use that excuse) - it sounds more plausible if you actually have a reason for them!
Congratulations and hope you get away with it!

bealos · 14/12/2006 12:21

I had to go on a work trip to Miami when i was 10 weeks pregnant. The whole time was parties, club nights, drinking, drinkin, drinking... I managed to fool people by just having a few drinks and leaving other drinks around the place when no-one was looking... "oh yes I must have finished that one!" ... blamed my unbelievable tiredness on jetlag!! luckily everyone else was so spangled they didn't notice. In fact they noticed me not smoking more!

hoxtonchick · 14/12/2006 12:25

hey, was dh excited ?

vicdivechic · 14/12/2006 13:38

had to hide it for a ski trip with a load of bib drinkers, double nightmare, no kamikaze ski runs like usual, always had a half pint on the go but no-one seemed to notice i never finished it, they all knew dh and i had been trying for a while so we just joked we were trying not to pickle my ovaries. No-one asked after that.

ScotGirlInOz · 14/12/2006 13:53

hi BibiJesus

Congrats

DO NOT use the antibiotics excuse. A friend of ours always always drinks wine. We went to a BBQ - she was drinking non-alcoholic wine because it tasted nice . Then went to another gathering and she was drinking the same stuff again. Not like her at all!! Then went to another BBQ and she was drinking lemonade in a wine glass and said she was on antibiotics! Have since heard that she is preg and is due in July, but they havent announced it yet so think we will hear in January - she would be around 3 months then.

Baretoes · 14/12/2006 15:23

A friend of mine suggested saying that you're not drinking because you are feeling hugely hungover from the night before and just can't face it!

FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 14/12/2006 18:47

well done bibi! What was DH's reaction?

nojopo · 14/12/2006 19:31

I've got cystitis/a bladder infection worked for me as an excuse. Men tended not to ask for any more details and women winced in sympathy - could even blame it on dehydration from a heavy night's drinking. Good luck - I was in the same situation last year and spent the xmas party drinking plain tonic water with a slice of lemon.

wulfricsmummy · 14/12/2006 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Albertsmum · 14/12/2006 19:43

When I found out I was pg with DS1, it was 2 weeks before my 30th and I had already organised a big party. I told a good friend who brought me virgin G&Ts and frankly once everyone has had a few, no one will really care. I think the key thing is not to refuse a drink as that is what makes people prick up their ears - no one ever notices if you don't drink it / lose it as long as you have a drink in your hand throughout the night.

I think elaborate excuses are more likely to fall by the wayside and the last thing you want I presume is for people at work to guess before you have had the time to tell the most important person that he is going to be a Dad...

Good luck!

fridayschild · 14/12/2006 19:46

I'd go for the G&T without the gin option

also sipping drinks and "losing" them

a beer from a bottle is good to touch to your lips, no-one can tell how empty the bottle is, or is not

and try to look relaxed as someone else said, although you will be paranoid most other people will just want to have fun and will be too busy doing that to pay you and your drink any attention