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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Need advice- gender dissapointment

11 replies

Mummyof02 · 08/11/2015 08:06

Hi all,
I went for a private scan yesterday and even though I had suspected all along the baby was going to be a boy I couldn't help secretly hoping I was wrong and the baby was really a girl. However within minutes the sonographer confirmed baby was definitely a boy and I tried to look happy like I wasn't sad in the slightest. The thing is even though my partner comes from a family mainly of boys, I myself grew up in a very small family of girls. My partner and I already have one son who's not even turned one yet and my partner has an older son from a previous relationship so a girl would of really been nice. The problem is I'm not used to boys even now being in a family of them and at the best of times struggle to bond with our son even though I love him to pieces. i don't want to feel sad about this second baby being another boy I just want to be able to be happy about it and celebrate it. Yet it's hard coming to terms with the fact I'll probably never have a daughter ( me and my partner have decided not to have any more after this one). I've got another scan at 20 weeks and just feel like I don't want to have to go through it all again, I feel bad for feeling like this but would definitely like to get over my gender dissapointment and just was wondering how any other mums who have felt like this dealt with it?
Many thanks j xx

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AuditAngel · 08/11/2015 08:10

I really wanted a girl when pregnant with DC1, but was convinced from the start that I was having a boy. We didn't find out the gender at the scan, but DC1 was a boy.

I went on to have 2 girls, but it is funny; I always tell people I had my delicate little flower and then I had my daughter. DS is more gentle and cerebral whereas DD1 is very physical.

I can understand your disappointment, but now you need to look to the advantages. Two boys close together will be great company for each other.

sepa · 08/11/2015 08:16

I'm sorry your feeling like this. I have 2 friends who have had babies in the last year and 1 who is pregnant along side me. All 3 have had a gender preference and the one who had a girl who wanted a boy had to get her husband to check the dr wasn't lying when he said the sex. It seems that gender disappointment is a a lot more common that what is discussed.
You will love DS2, but if you are already down about having a DS and this is affecting your pregnancy now then I think you should see someone to talk it through. I don't think you need to be embarrassed about it, it just needs to be discussed more openly so people don't feel bad when they express an opinion.

Best of luck with your pregnancy

DrewsWife · 08/11/2015 08:23

I too had gentler disappointment. I was hoping for a girl. Had planned all sorts of pink things. Was positive I was having a girl. Went for my scan to be told it was a boy. I was gutted.

Honestly gutted.

Husband was very patient with me. I must admit I'm well over it now. Instead of tutus and tiaras. It's wellies and dinosaurs. He is cute. Funny. Cheeky. Adorable.

I was convinced I couldn't love a boy

The only thing now that disappoints me is the lack of choice in clothes. Girls have row upon row of sparkly stuff.

But I love my boy. He is nearly 11 months. Loves monsters, dinosaurs, hitting things and cuddles.

Lots of kisses. And hilarious antics.

Original poster

Mummyof02 · 08/11/2015 08:26

That's true, I think I need to remind myself a baby's gender doesn't define the baby as a person. Maybe when baby boy no 2 is here it will be different to how I'm imagining it and plus hopefully they'll grow close as brothers plus it will work out a lot cheaper having another boy, will take me a while to get use to the idea of having boys but I'm sure within time I'll get there

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Chocolateteabag · 08/11/2015 08:29

I felt a bit disappointed when dc2 turned out to be ds2, but in the same way you wonder how you can love a second child as much as your first, your second is a completely different person pretty much from the outset

So yes I have two boys but with two hugely different personalities

Take it slowly op but there are a lot of positives with two of the same gender

Original poster

Mummyof02 · 08/11/2015 08:36

girls do have more choice of clothing then boys I discovered that with my first son but I guess there is nice clothing for boys out there and getting to know your baby and what they like can be more special then anything else I'm slowly starting to see the positives now I think xx

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Jeffreythegiraffe · 08/11/2015 09:14

I have two amazing little boys. I'm fed up to the back teeth of people asking me if I'm going to try for a girl as if my family isn't good enough already. My boys are wonderful, cheeky and happy. I do agree though about the lack of clothes, there is so much choice for girls. I would also quite like to dress my two in colours other than brown and blue.

I wonder if you need to talk to someone, your hv or gp or midwife, if you struggle with the bond you have with your first. I think you're too busy trying to put him in a box labelled 'boy' rather than seeing him as a small individual person with different tastes, like and dislikes just like all of us.

toohardtothinkofaname · 08/11/2015 09:19

I hope there's more to it than there being more clothing choice for girls! Tbh, although the sex is boy there's no telling what gender or personality they will have. Most who favour girls crave a close mother/daughter relationship but you might find your boys are cuddly & loyal. I was never close with my Mam growing up and boy did she let me know she was pissed about that & I grew up surrounded by guilt.

scarednoob · 08/11/2015 09:32

Your DS1 is still just a baby. Wait until he is a little bit older - honestly, all my friends who have little boys have their new best mates!

A mother/son bond is utterly unique and you'll get to have two.

I know that's not much help now, but when your baby is here and growing up, you will be so happy that he's himself and nobody else in the world!

bluewisteria · 08/11/2015 10:25

Try Scandinavian brands for boys clothes, so much better!! These can start you off:

funkylittlepeople.co.uk
www.scandimini.co.uk/boys/age.html

Notimefortossers · 08/11/2015 10:45

I have DD1 who does karate and loves Marvel superheroes. DD2, your typical girly girl all into her outfits and hairstyles - HATES to wear trousers. DD1 is very well behaved and sensitive, where DD2 is a little madam and hard work. They are the same sex, but absolute chalk n cheese. When I found out DC3 was a boy I was worried I wouldn't feel the same, wouldn't have the same bond, wouldn't know what to do with a boy. I could not have been more wrong. The bond was exactly the same from the moment they placed him in my arms and I've loved every minute of having him. At 9 months he is now starting to love his Dad more gutted, but it;s not because he's a boy! It's cos his Dad spoils the crap outta him. Now pregs with DC4 and I'd like a boy. Definitely the last one so would be nice to give my boy a brother ... plus I still have all the stuff! Also my Grandad died recently so I'd like to be able to name him after him. BUT having DS1 has taught me that despite all that it really won't matter. If it's another girl there's no telling what she'll be like and I'll love her every scrap as much as the others. ALSO! I LIKE the simplicity of dressing a boy! You don't have to care so much or spend time choosing outfits! As long as they're clean and fit for the weather you're good to go!

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