Mum is upset with me

[dcourtney]

Hi all, I'm new here.

So I've just found out I'm pregnant, estimating that I'm 6 weeks along. My husband and I are really really excited and happy, we've been trying for 6 months.

So anyway, we found out a few days ago and I immediately texted my sisters. Then later we told my in-laws and then face timed my parents to tell them. (We live too far away to tell them in person). We're not telling anyone else yet cos it's too early.

Anyway my mum has made a point of saying she's "not upset" that I told my sisters first. She is obviously upset and seems to see it that I don't feel as close and value our relationship enough because otherwise she would have been the first to know. I didn't text her first because I wanted to see her face and honestly I wanted to tell both my parents together and not just her.

This is all making me feel really stressed and upset, I'm wanting to feel happy and excited. I want support and to talk about how I'm feeling and my mum is basically having a tantrum. :(

Surly the main thing she should be is pleased for you.

Maybe she's just overwhelmed and she'll get past it?

She's not having a tantrum.

She's upset.

You didn't mean it nastily, but it's had that effect.

Just apologise and move on.

Okay maybe tantrum is a strong word, but I don't really feel I have anything to apologise for. I didn't tell my sisters first to be nasty, honestly I only waited because I wanted to see my mums face when I told her.

She is pleased, I'm just struggling with her reaction. I'm feeling really weepy and anxious now because I didn't expect her to care - I told my sisters and then about 4 hours later I told my mum and dad. It's not like they knew months in advance.

I would just do other things from now on to make her important and part of the pregnancy. She'll soon move on from it.

If you said that to your mum, about you feeling anxious because you didn't expect it to upset her, I'm sure she would understand? Explain you're sorry it caused any upset but you genuinely wanted to see her reaction and that you're looking forward to sharing the whole experience. Would that help?

By the way I don't think you did anything wrong, but people an't help their feelings obviously.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'd just let it go, but if she mentions it again or sulks, then mention how upset you are that she's upset and how you can't keep everybody happy and someone had to be told first and that you hope you being this upset won't damage the baby. Weep a little.
Then sit back and watch.

Is she usually this self centred and manipulative?

I will try to make her feel more involved here on out. If I'd had any inkling how she'd react I would have waited to tell my sisters, I just got so excited. And I knew they would be too. I'll have to be more careful after this.

I have said that I'm feeling a bit anxious and nervous but didn't explicitly say it was cos of this issue. I did message her to say that I do value our relationship etc.

I don't think she means to be either self centred or manipulative. She just gets really insecure I think and seems to view the weirdest things as super important. I try not to let it bother me mostly but I think I'm extra hormonal so it's hard right now. I cried this morning when I couldn't get in to see the dr I wanted to lol!

She's messaged me back now anyway saying that she wished I was with her - I said I missed her and my family. I live in Sheffield and all my family are in Wales so feeling quite alone with this right now. That's why I've joined this, just for some support and the ability to try and make sense of this roller coaster - being pregnant is kinda terrifying!

Thanks for all the congrats and help, I'm feeling much better. Xx

I'm planning in telling my mother last of the close family because I know she can't keep a secret. Who you tell and in what order is your choice. She'll get over it.

I told my littlest sister first. We are very close and tend to be the first one each other goes to. You have every right to tell people in any order you see fit. I am sure your Mum is just feeling the distance between you more and will get over it quickly.

I would down play it and NOT be more careful after this.
Do you really want to go on second guessing your every move in case your mother may be slightly upset? Perhaps you should start reminding her that while important, there are other people in your life and she doesn't have to be first on everything.
Explain your reasons and don't apologise. Or feel guilty for not living close t her either.

I agree with the pp who said that, even if you didn't mean to upset her, or do this to be nasty (I'm sure you didn't) she is upset. Tbh I can understand why she is. Even if you didn't intend to upset her, you have. So talk to her, tell her you're sorry she's upset and all move on.

Congratulations by the way

Storm in a tea cup on all fronts- she'll get over it. Lots of strange things happen in pregnancy- best to stay calm and relaxed as far as possible otherwise the next while might be unnecessarily full of drama.

Glad you're feeling better op. It will blow over and hopefully the whole experience of becoming a mum will enrich your relationship with your own mum. Pregnancy and motherhood are a whirlwind of emotions and, as you say, the hormones are powerful. Support is here for you if you need it!

Congratulations dcourtney As Brenna said I think your mum probably felt the distance emphasized between you, she will want to be with you right now, and she'll be oversensitive.

Don't worry, this will blow over, don't dwell on it. There will be plenty to share as you go on.

Your mum is being completely unreasonable. And childish. You had good reasons for telling your sisters first and then wanting to tell your folks face to face.

She's making it all about her and upsetting you for no good reason.

Does she have form for being this self-absorbed?