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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Early pregnancy bad feelings (May cause offence)

17 replies

Natedogg · 26/10/2015 17:03

I'm so sorry if anyone is offended by this post. I feel a bit desperate and am really in need of some help.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. It's a bit of a surprise because we had years of infertility and thought we'd have to have ivf again. I'm having really bad morning sickness, vomiting 7 times a day and constantly nauseous. I've also started to have terrible thoughts about how this is all a big mistake. How I could still get a termination, about how am I going to cope (obviously loads of people cope with 2, but I'm not sure I will). I currently find looking after my gorgeous girl really boring. She's a delight but it's so relentless. I just don't know how I can do it all again. Obviously I should have thought about this before having unprotected sex, but I just didn't think it would ever happen.

I love my dd, and up until a week ago loved spending time with her. It just feels like these thoughts have struck me like a tsunami. I never had pnd before and don't necessarily feel depressed now, but I just feel like reality has struck hard,

I'm scared our life will just become one long slog, rather than something to enjoy.

Please help/advise/slap me.

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DorotheaHomeAlone · 26/10/2015 17:35

It's totally normal to be scared. We planned this one (I'm 13 weeks with second) and this is the age gap I e always wanted but I still get moments of being petrified - mostly when dd is being a whiney whingebag. It is relentless and this time we know what we're in for.

Maybe if you accepted these feelings and let go of some of the guilt you'd be able to are more clearly if this is just panic or if you really are going down the wrong path. this sounds hard.

SushiAndTheBanshees · 26/10/2015 18:13

I was exactly where you are, OP, about four months ago. Slightly bigger age gap.

I had those feelings for around 6 weeks in total: desperately wanted baby followed by what I think now was ante-natal depression.

Innit belittling the strength of your feelings, but perhaps this will pass. Termination, especially with a background of infertility, is a big step.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 26/10/2015 18:21

I've just had number 3 after a pregnancy throughout which I felt exactly like this. Was convinced I'd made a terrible mistake, considered termination pretty much up until the legal limit (14 weeks in the country I'm in), was certain I wouldn't cope, my existing children would be negatively impacted and our lives would be ruined by it. One of the worst aspects of this was that this was a much-wanted pregnancy after recurrent mc. The baby is here now and in a way I wish more than ever that we hadn't had her - because I love her so desperately I am utterly terrified of losing her and struggle with having made myself so vulnerable. (There's quite a big age gap to the older two and I had completely forgotten that vulnerability of the baby days, doh).

This may be the same for you. A the very least, I hope this post reassures you that these kinds of feelings are very, very normal.

I am sorry about the sickness, btw - I hope it passes soon.

MrsPCR · 26/10/2015 18:25

Your hormones are all over the place and you incredibly drained anyway not just from early pregnancy but from all the being sick. I'm pregnant with my first and my god on my bad sick days I genuinely wonder what we've done.

Speak to your GP. They can help with the sickness. Everything is more tiresome when you are being sick. I'm generally alright by the evenings, so dread going to be knowing it's going to start all over again. On a couple of occasions, after being sick I've been unable to stop crying!

We plan to have a second and I just think how on earth do people do this with a young child.

All these feelings are normal. Between the excitement, I am petrified of the change ahead and what if I'm not cut out for motherhood. These are (hopefully) all normal thoughts.

minimalist000001 · 26/10/2015 18:28

How olds your first?

Do you get any time to yourself presently?

It can be very social and active if you find good baby friends.

Original poster

Natedogg · 26/10/2015 18:37

Thank you everyone for being kind and non judgemental. My first has just turned 14 months. So quite close age gap.

I'm really hoping this is all sickness related. I can't keep anything down at all and I just feel full of dread and panic.
I'll speak to gp about it but am worried they'll judge me.

I do go out to baby clubs etc and my little one has just started nursery twice a week so I feel like I shouldn't be complaining at all. But I feel so horrific. I don't even want to spend time with my first. It makes me so sad.

OP posts:

lemon101 · 26/10/2015 19:05

Hey, I think the doom and gloom feelings and the sense that nothing can make you happy is pretty common at your stage in the 1st trimester. I haven't been in your situation but certainly felt things were bleak and had similar regret feelings at 8weeks ish. It got a lot better by 10 weeks. I would say hang in there and see how you feel in 3 weeks or so before you make any decisions.
Good luck

Original poster

Natedogg · 27/10/2015 10:54

Thank you so much everyone. I'm going to see the gp today. I just desperately want to start feeling better. I'm in a bit of a fog thinking am I just wallowing in this and being depressed, or am I feeling like this because I feel so sick. It's hard to know which is making the other worse.

OP posts:

CityMole · 27/10/2015 12:51

It is absolutely OK to have these feelings, and so important that you feel you can express them somewhere without judgement, so that you can work out what you really feel. Your GP will not judge you either and I am sure he/she will have dealt with this before!

Tatie3 · 31/10/2015 16:40

I'm pregnant with baby number 3 (a surprise) and also felt very apprehensive at first. I think it's fairly normal and lots of my mummy friends admitted to feeling the same. I think you should just give yourself some more time to come to terms with things because eventually the panic will subside and you'll hopefully start to look forward to things.

Sighing · 01/11/2015 08:45

You're exhausted by early pregnancy, of course you're finding parenting hard work at the moment. Give yourself time to feel crap. I'm desperately delighted to be expecting dc3 (miscarriages, long efforts to conceive, DH's 1st). But that doesn't stop moments of wondering how I'll cope etc (I'm 40, DC1 & 2 are 9 and 7) and massive doubts. Be good to yourself. I hope your nausea eases for you soon

Mumberjack · 01/11/2015 14:24

When I was first tri with this baby (23wks now) I felt so scared and overwhelmed. It was a surprise pregnancy - along with my 2 yr old I've had infertility, a stillborn baby and a previous ectopic which got complicated - so I was unnerved at how unhappy I felt despite my history and the sheer luck of being pregnant. The shock did wear off and I'm feeling excited now, but it was definitely a very difficult couple of months mentally.

nuttybananas · 01/11/2015 14:35

Wow it's quite a relief to hear that this is common. I'm 8 weeks with a much longed for 2nd and thinking I've made a big mistake. The nausea makes me not feel like doing anything and I feel guilty for not getting on with things. I have been having horrible thoughts/dreams that it would be better for this pregnancy to not continue if I can't cope now - what about when I'm closer to due date/with a newborn as well as my 2 year old... and I don't feel I can say anything in real life because those that know about it know that I was the one pushing for the 2nd sibling... I really hope you are right that it's hormones and nausea and will pass soon...

blinkyfink · 01/11/2015 20:30

Hi again everyone, thank you SO much for all your kind words and advice. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and hearing your individual stories of experiencing similar feelings.

I'm now on medication for the sickness but still completely wiped out and having nausea. I'm trying to not focus on the negative feelings for the time being, and am just trying to ride out the feeling crap.

Hopefully everything will seem a bit brighter in a couple of weeks. I hope the same for you nuttybananas, it sounds like we're feeling similar things!

Thank you again

jamtartandcustard · 02/11/2015 14:53

I'm pregnant with number 4, and to be completely honest, I've considered a termination with every pregnancy. Usually around the 6-8 weeks mark. You feel like shit and are just struck with the enormity of the situation - can't cope with 9months of feeling so awful, can't cope with another baby, don't really want another baby as life is fine as it is etc etc it's all just so daunting! So what you are feeling is, probably, perfectly normal emotions.
Pregnancy is tough, really tough, physically and mentally, don't be scared by asking for help and support x

kd83 · 02/11/2015 15:29

Such a relief to hear others comments on this. I am 8 weeks with my second (first has just turned two) and while we were planning a second baby this is a bit earlier than anticipated.

For the last few weeks I have been panicing about how we are going to cope and how I'm not ready for another baby yet. Everything from having to go through labour again (my first was very long with a forceps delivery) to where they are all going to sleep and managing my boys meal and bedtime routine with a new baby in the house.

So good to hear these fears are normal and others are scared too.

Original poster

Natedogg · 02/11/2015 20:02

Oh well there's my name change gone down the pan! I know I keep saying it, but It's so great to hear from all of you that have felt similarly. Have just spent the last 20mins with head stuck down the toilet, moaning kill me now.

Then i come on hear and everybody's words are so comforting.

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