Pregnancy Terrifies Me!

[MissN92]

Hello,

This is my first pregnancy and the realities of the experience are not feeling as magical as I expected and imagined. I have always wished for a family one day and this is really destroying the experience.
I feel very detached from my body and feel constantly terrified I am doing something wrong; eating something wrong, moving in the wrong way, Is this pain normal? Is it okay to use this soap? .... My mood feels all over the place and I am terrified my partner will give up and feel so insecure just now.
If the pregnancy does go okay I am terrified of the experience of giving birth; of something going wrong. I just don't know how to stop worrying quite so much and begin enjoying the experience - are these the kind of fears you speak to a midwife about?
Or does everyone have them and gradually they disappear?
Thank-you in advance.

Hello, how far along in your pregnancy are you? I think most fears you are explaining a lot of women go through even on a 5th pregnancy.
I would say that these are things you should be speaking to your midwife about. I had fears about my sleeping position and my MW answered for me.
You will worry as you are stepping into the world of unknown.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

I am about 13 weeks just now. Thankyou for the advice!

Like Sepa says, these are things that just don't go away. Unfortunately pregnancy is a pretty much constant process of 'is this ok?' questioning yourself.

Having said that - there is quite a bit of difference between having the questions in your head and the odd nagging doubt and being overwhelmed by them. If you are feeling at all panicked or like it is all too much then you really need to talk to your MW or GP because that level of anxiety is not something you should put up with (nor is it necessary).

One of the things I'm really looking forward to post-pregnancy is to be able to be careless with what I eat, how I lie in bed etc etc. I do find it tedious to have to think about this at all times and occasionally anxiety inducing.

bottom line is that if the worries are interfering with your life/happiness, you need to go see a health professional.

I totally second what lemon101 says: there's a bit of normal worrying, and there's a level where fear gets into everything you do (or don't do) - and you should see about getting help for that.

I know what you mean about feeling detached from your body. I feel something like that too because it's hard to understand what's going on in there! It's so complicated and important, and yet I can't direct or control it. And now that the morning sickness has stopped, there's no sign that I'm pregnant apart from the rather tight waistbands.

As far as I feel, pregnancy is not magical. There are no rainbows, unicorns, or singing bluebirds! So far is a collection of occasional strange feelings in my middle, and people saying congratulations to me.

Have you signed up for the weekly NHS emails (www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/pregnancy-and-baby-care.aspx?tabname=Pregnancy)? These are really good for telling you what's going on with the baby and advising you what you should/shouldn't be doing.

Basically, if you're following the guidelines on eating, caffeine and alcohol, you're doing fine. The internet has lots of advice about other stuff, but IMHO if the NHS don't advise it, I don't have to pay attention to it because it's probably rubbish. I know that it is possible for me to take every bit of advice and do everything 'right', and still for something to go wrong. On the flip side, it's possible to do pretty much everything wrong and to have a healthy baby. Not that I'm saying you should hit the crack pipe and line up the Jagerbombs!

So just two bits of non-NHS advice. One from me: control what you can, and let the rest go (easier said than done). One I stole from somebody else on Mumsnet: don't ever Google anything ever if you're worried about it!

I hope your spirits improve soon!

Once you have your baby you will constantly worry whether you are doing the right thing and if your baby will come to harm, so try and see this as your probationary period before the real worry kicks in

Seriously motherhood is just a series of never ending worries, but you're on the bus now so you may as we'll try and enjoy it.