Dear all,
I'm sorry to post again, I'd be sick of me on this site. I think I've asked the wrong questions, reassurance, positive stories etc when in truth understandably there must be women who know having difficult pregnancies with mental health issues beyond their control have affected their children somehow but it's too painful or they think too upsetting to share which I totally understand. Today it feels clear to me that I've been selfish keeping on as long as I have, I was never like this before pregnancy, I don't think I have lost it I think I really am right that my constantly low on edge to sheer terrified mood will have made this child so unhappy before he's born and there's no way of escaping that. There's no way there could be so so many studies on all this without it having an impact or there being a way for it to have an impact. I hugely appreciate all the kind stories from women saying they've come out the other side but I feel certain they must be lucky and exceptional, and not relevant to me. I'm not going to kill myself. The honest truth is that I really really want to but I can't think of a way that wouldn't risk the baby surviving but even more harmed than he is now so that would be selfish not sparing him. If I go to a and e they will send me to Barnet who don't want to know. I've been told I don't meet the threshold for mother and baby units, this is what scares me that because I've got up each day and showered and come to work the doctors think I'm ok and haven't harmed him but I know how much fear and sheer panic have been flowing through me all the time and that it must have harmed him. The gp is kind but the receptionist says no appt til next week despite explaining issues. I just want to go somewhere where someone else can make all the decisions and when he's born I can leave him to be looked after someone better with my husband and I can go away and spare everyone. I have no idea where though. And no more money.is there anything responsible to do now?