longing for child and depressed at 18

[gmt96]

depression & longing for child after miscarriage at 17
Forgive me if I'm in the wrong place but I'm not sure where to post this, I am 18 years old and I miscarried a few months ago out of an unplanned pregnancy. I wasn't far into the pregnancy so I feel like it was just a lot of shock at the time (of finding out I was pregnant and then losing the child) so i felt numb for the first few weeks but now I'm deeply hurt. I did not want children before I got pregnant, I never had fantasies about having children when I'm older or anything like that, but now it's all I think about, I feel like a mother without a child. Whenever I see children my heart sinks and I'm filled with anger, jealousy and sadness
It's ridiculous because I have barely enough money to look after myself, let alone provide for a child, I am confused about my career because my miscarriage and depression interfered with me getting into university and I am finding it hard to do simple things like go to work and I will spend most of my time crying about how much I want a baby my boyfriend (now ex) doesn't understand, I imagine because we weren't ready to have a baby in the first place and I miscarried before I was even showing so he didn't really see it as a child yet, so I feel like I don't have support in that section and most of my friends are sympathetic but don't truly understand because they haven't been through it themselves, and all they want to do is go out clubbing and drinking. Most people I have told have said I should do these things too and enjoy being young but I'm too depressed, I feel like my childhood has been taken now and I can't enjoy any of these things because it's not what I'm meant to be doing - I'm meant to be a mum! I would appreciate any advice anyone can give me because I feel like it's ruining my life and as the months go on, it seems to get worse, I don't think I'm able to go back to my childhood if that makes any sense

Hi sorry for your loss. I am 20 and pregnant on my 5th pregnancy, I have previously had 4 miscarriages my first at 16 and last at 18. I have been with my partner for 4 years (he was 21 me 16) I fell pregnant very quickly into the relationship and lost our baby after that I was determined that I wanted a baby. I fell apart for a while struggled just like you to comprehend what had happened and I didn't know how to cope with what my body had went through and couldn't understand why. I then suffered a further 3 miscarriages, I hadn't considered the fact that I was young and any damage that was happening to my body by not giving myself a break.

Eventually I did realise I was young and wasn't in any rush to have a baby and that it was all stemmed from grief and my dp and I both agreed I needed a break.
Fast track a year and half later and I found out I was pregnant and was overjoyed by it.

I know now that if I hadn't have lost any of my other babies that I wouldn't be with my partner still as we weren't financially stable and we wouldn't have dealt with the stress. I also know that I wouldn't have coped with the baby as I only wanted one out of grief and to fill the loss I had suffered.

It doesn't mean I don't love and miss the baby's I didn't get to meet I just realise now that it wasn't very good timing and that now is the best time as I have dealt with my grief and come to terms with things.

What you have suffered is incredibly hard and at your age (even though I'm not much older I feel 40 lol) it's difficult to comprehend yourself and others find it difficult aswell to understand how you can be hurting by it. Sometimes people assume that because it was unplanned that you shouldn't feel hurt by your loss but it is not the case. You have lost your baby that u loved from the day you found out. Your boyfriend as you say probably didn't see it as a baby so doesn't understand. People will always say your young you should be living your life and so on but none of these things help when u are hurting. You need to give yourself time to heal mentally and physically. If you don't have any support in real life you should see your gp and explain your situation and maybe ask for counseling. There are a few good organisations that offer council ling after loss but I'm not quite sure of their names.

I understand that you feel now that you should be a mum so that is all you want, it is completely natural and believe me anyone on here who has suffered a miscarriage will tell you the same.

I hope you get the help you need and don't listen to unsupportive people who thinknyou should 'move on' or get over it as I was often told. It was your baby and only time will heal you. Your need to give yourself time to come to terms with things .

I'm sorry about your loss. I know this won't help but you are still young and have plenty of time to have a baby when your in a better situation financially. This won't take away the pain of the baby you lost. I think that maybe you should see a grief counselor to speak this through. Maybe talk to women in your close family/friend group and ask if any have been in the same position.
You could always get a small tree planted somewhere as a rememberance tree!

I hope you find happiness soon.