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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I know I'm being irrational - can someone please talk me out of it?

7 replies

maybebabybee · 20/10/2015 10:42

I will say right off from the bat I suffer with anxiety and OCD and pregnancy has made it 10x worse - currently 20 weeks with my first.

DP has been asked by work to travel abroad for part of next week. He doesn't ever travel with work so I'm not used to him being away from home. He would have to fly. I am terrified the plane might crash etc etc etc. Just don't like the idea of him being away.

I know I am being utterly ridiculous. He has said he won't go if I don't want him to but I don't want to stop him doing things.

Any words of wisdom? Please be kind as I know I am daft :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ShowOfHands · 20/10/2015 10:45

Are you getting support/treatment for the anxiety and OCD?

I'm not going to tell you what to do either way. Your DP has offered and if you want him to stay, then just be honest and don't feel guilty. You can't help the way you feel.

If he did go, could you consider going to stay with your family or a friend? Would that help? If not, just accept it's not right for you. Don't risk making yourself worse if you truly can't face it.

Original poster

maybebabybee · 20/10/2015 10:48

showof Not really to be honest as I've tried it all in the past and literally nothing works for me...done CBT, regular counselling, psychotherapy, medication....

It's not always this bad, I think pregnancy has brought it out massively and I'm under a lot of stress at the moment with some unrelated family stuff.

I do have a supportive family but I would feel ashamed to say I wanted to stay with them because of DP being away. Would feel like they all thought I was being pathetic. Which I am.

OP posts:

nehagarg · 20/10/2015 11:24

Not at all maybe. I am currently 8 weeks and living with parents for a week for the exact same reason. DH has gone to the US for a week.

If that works for you, I say try it. Or maybe stay with some friends?

AmberLav · 20/10/2015 13:06

I have known a lot of people who have stayed with family when pregnant, while DH was away. I know people who do that even when not pregnant.

If it makes you more comfortable, then I would just do it...

sepa · 20/10/2015 14:04

I wouldn't worry about what others think of your for staying with family. If my DP was to go away I would ask my mum or sister to stay at mine without any worry.

I have an irrational phobia of airplanes and people flying. I actually find stalking the airplan helps so you know if it has been delayed taking off etc

C4thy81 · 20/10/2015 14:20

Keep yourself busy will take ur mind of him going away maybe get a family member come stay with you hope u feel better soon :)

coffeeandbiscuit · 20/10/2015 14:25

Oh, I know this fear very well . My husband travels regularly to the USA for a few weeks at a time and I'm currently around 23 weeks pregnant, so I want to say right off the bat that I completely understand!

There's a few things I find that help me:

A week or so before he leaves, I begin mentally preparing myself for him going. Reminding myself when he's going, how long it's for and what I have planned for his absence.
Knowing that the first day when he's flying and the house is empty except for just me (and bump), is the worst. I allow myself to feel sad and nervous and don't hesitate to cry if I need to. I inevitably email him a long email too when he's in the air, not necessarily with anything profound, but just telling him how much I love him etc etc (Soppy, I know!)
He's usually away for at least one or two weekends, so I make plans to be busy. As I work, the week days are easy - I get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, have a bath and go to bed. It's an easy routine to get into. Weekends are where it all goes to shit . So I plan my weekends and if I think I'm going to need a weekend just dossing, then I plan how I'm going to doss (lie in, films, a bit of period drama, lunches and dinners etc, chocolate, more chocolate). Having a routine is so important because it keeps you sane, so if you can get one, it will help time pass.
Keep a diary - it helps me to write down how I'm feeling before he goes and what has been happening whilst he's away.

The only other thing I can say is that I remind myself regularly how many flights there are daily and how those flights arrive safely every single day.

Good luck with everything!

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