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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

regret sex scan

49 replies

PurplePoppy17 · 19/10/2015 13:06

Did anyone regret that they got a sex scan? Does it make the last half of pregnancy drag out? Ruin the surprise at the end? Feel like you knew everything too soon? I'm happy if I'm having boy or girl I'm just now sure if I'm 100% to finding out Incase I get really impatient ect.

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ALR123 · 19/10/2015 15:36

We decided not to find out and can honestly say it's had no effect on whether I bond with my baby bump! I love it regardless of the sex so finding out did not seem important. Surprises are so few and far between, everyone we say we haven't found out to always says how nice it is in this day and age as we seem to be in the minority. Good luck with whatever you decide x

Strokethefurrywall · 19/10/2015 15:40

We didn't find out with DS1 but I knew in my gut he was a boy.

Found out with DS2 at 22 weeks and wish I hadn't. I really enjoyed the choosing of names for both sexes and I loved the "wondering" part of it. Finding out the sex made no difference to us bonding at all.

If we were ever crazy enough to have a 3rd I would assume we would have a boy in any event and wouldn't find out.

I'd love love love 3 boys though...

Strokethefurrywall · 19/10/2015 15:48

And yes I did regret finding out the sex beforehand.

My regret was due to the fact that I'd convinced myself I was having a girl and if we were only having 2 kids I'd have loved one of each. When I found out we were having another boy I was bitterly disappointed, NOT because I was having another boy (because boys are bloody amazing!!) but because I would never have the experience of raising a daughter. It took me a long time to work through my feelings of guilt at being disappointed until I Came to understand the source of the disappointment.

Had I just given birth without knowing the sex, and DH had told me we had another son, I know I wouldn't have given a tiny rats ass about the sex and would have been totally bowled over in love with this tiny mewling infant I'd just created.

And the whole sex disappointment is just so stupid because as I said above, if I was to have another I'd love another boy! Our minds are crazy places!

Scattymum101 · 19/10/2015 16:50

We found out with both of ours. I loved knowing and immediately felt more bonded with baby when I found out both times as I could visualise them in the future much easier.
I loved knowing. X

slightlyconfused85 · 19/10/2015 16:54

I didn't find out either time: glad I didn't- i felt if I knew I would create a little personality in my head before I met the child - this way it was a blank slate! I'm sure you and Dh would bond well either way

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/10/2015 17:02

I didn't find out with DS, and won't be finding out with this current pregnancy either if I can help it.

I really feel like I don't want to bond with this baby yet, nor assign it a name and unwittingly a character.

I'm also just a fan of delayed gratification

Dixiechick17 · 19/10/2015 17:11

I found out and like others said it felt like we were both able to bond with our DD. My DH could visualise it more and looked forward to meeting his little girl, being the one carrying the baby the bond for us is so strong from day dot. So this was nice for him, the surprise on the day was how much our DD looked like my DH, such a strong resemblance, and now every day watching her personality form :)

ShowOfHands · 19/10/2015 17:17

Congratulations 5MadThings. Are the rest of the Mad Clan excited?

I didn't want to find out with my second but he did nothing but flash at the scan. It was hard not to see tbh.

You can only do what's right for you. Neither way is better.

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/10/2015 17:24

Exactly right ShowOfHands

Alanna1 · 19/10/2015 17:26

I've never understood the logic of "surprise". It was a surprise when I found out at 20wks too. But each to their own. I found out both times and very happy I did so too!

maamalady · 19/10/2015 17:41

We found out at the 20 week anomaly scan with DD, and glad we did - we only had to find a girl's name rather than both sexes, at least! When she was born the surprise was having a tiny little person, I don't see how finding out the sex then would have been more surprising, tbh. I reckon finding out ahead of time means you get two surprises rather than one :)

I'm now pregnant with DC2, and we'll find out again if possible, partly because if it's a boy I'll give all DD's outgrown dresses to my friend who's just had a baby girl!

Brytte · 19/10/2015 17:54

Surprise both times and for me I loved having that little extra something to look forward to in the final week or so of pregnancy.

PosterEh · 19/10/2015 17:58

I didn't find out the first two times for the same reasons as slightly and Thursday. This time we are thinking of finding out for organisational reasons but I'm a bit worried we'll regret it.
It wasn't really the "surprise" I liked but the mystery.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 19/10/2015 18:55

I'm not finding out-I suffered so much anxiety in my first trimester that it really doesn't matter what we have-just that he/she is ok. I completely understand why people find out though and think it's entirely personal preference. I have had a few people tell me I'm "silly" for not wanting to know but we can't all agree can we?! Xx

5madthings · 19/10/2015 19:16

show yes the other madthings are excited though I think madthing1(16) was a bit Omg now everyone knows you have Sex.. Lots of talk with the younger ones debating if they want a boy or girl and names etc. :)

It really doesn't matter if you find out or not, dh has always wanted a surprise, I am impatient, the kid that hunted for presents and will squish wrapped up presents etc so there is a huge part of me that is tempted to find out but having done it both ways I know I prefer a surprise. I will be having extra scans at 28 and 34 wks so am going to have to be really strong willed but am going to say to sonographer as soon as I go in each time that we don't want to know the Sex. This will be my last baby and we have never cared what sex the baby is. We also struggle with names regardless, all of the madthings were baby no name for a fortnight so knowing didn't make naming any easier!

Oysterbabe · 19/10/2015 23:00

It's probably me but when you know the gender and even start calling the baby by the chosen name before birth I just find it weird. I actually prefer to keep a bit of distance until birth but maybe that's being sort if superstitious.
Finding out and officially naming the baby is such a wonderful and exciting moment. Seeing baby Jane that you've been referring to for months and whose face you saw at the 4D scan just isn't quite the same somehow.

You just need to think it over carefully and choose what feels right for you. Everyone is different and there's no right answer.

CultureSucksDownWords · 19/10/2015 23:26

Well not many people will have a 4d scan, and knowing the sex doesn't mean you have also decided on a name and start to use it. It just means you can use "she/he" instead of "it", which some people might prefer.

FiveHoursSleep · 19/10/2015 23:30

I found out with all four. It's still a surprise, just an earlier one.
I liked knowing, mainly because I guessed wrong with all of them and I think I would have felt quite unsettled if I'd been expecting the opposite sex!

AnyoneButAndre · 19/10/2015 23:33

Meeting your baby for the first time is so incredible that I can't imagine how finding out sex at the same time could make it more incredible. Finding out at the 20 week scan just gives you an extra exciting moment.

mrsmugoo · 20/10/2015 09:44

I didn't find out first time and it was lovely my husband being able to tell me what we had (especially as it was an ELCS), but it was weird always calling my bump "it" so this time we're going to find out and also we can tell our DS he's getting s baby brother or sister.

Louisee58 · 20/10/2015 09:54

I don't think finding out the sex will ruin any surprise at the end, you get a surprise at 20 weeks to find out what you are having then get a surprise at 40 weeks being handed this new little baby.

I found out with DS1 at my 20 week scan and it was lovely in the delivery room as when they handed me my baby boy the midwives knew what I was calling him and said his name as they passed him to me, it was like he already had his own little identity it was lovely.

We are having a private 3d scan at 17 weeks this time, a couple of days before Christmas, and will be surprising family on Christmas day as non of them know we are going for the scan. I also think it will help DS1 to get his head around the idea because at the minute he's adamant he's having a sister so if its a boy it will give him chance to come to terms with it.

I know plenty of people who haven't found out, and that was the right decision for them. Maybe decide once you are in the scan?

My sister didn't want to know what she was having with DC1, then changed her mind when she got into the room, but the baby made them stick to their original plans by crossing her legs anyway!

newbian · 20/10/2015 10:15

What constitutes a surprise varies from person to person. I know a couple who didn't find out sex but paid for a 4D scan and pictures of the baby's face. Whereas we found out sex but want to be surprised by who she looks like when she comes out. I find calling the baby "it" awkward and neither of us has a preference so happy to have found out.

StormyBlue · 20/10/2015 10:18

I never regretted it. I remember my parents asking "but don't you want a surprise?" and thinking that I'd be getting quite enough of a surprise meeting my baby for the first time as it is, thanks!

Mumberjack · 20/10/2015 10:46

We found out at a 36wk scan with DD1, but kept it a secret. Sadly she was stillborn at 39 weeks so I feel glad we had time with her in some way, calling her by her name and buying a couple of special girlie things for her.

We found out at a 28wk private scan with DD2, we'd tried to find out at 20wks but she was shy. We needed to know to bond a bit, it was v difficult imagining we'd be bringing a baby home so naming her and getting to know her before birth was v important to us.

This time last week we found out we're having DD3! We just had to know this time around, plus for practical reasons like keeping/clearing out some of DD2's clothes etc.

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