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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Dad wanting girlfriend to be called 'gran'

13 replies

handbags88 · 14/10/2015 13:37

I'm pregnant. My Dad has been seeing his girlfriend for roughly 7 months. He is very excited about his new relationship but I've only met this lady a handful of times.
She seems nice enough but I feel she has overstepped the mark in giving me advice about my unborn baby - telling me to get rid of my cat, telling me what to eat etc. I politely told her we are keeping the cat and so on.
The thing that is worrying me is that when he was over at our house the other day, he said something like 'we are so excited that we'll be a big part in baby's life'. He had previously suggested that he could look after the baby when I return to work after mat leave.
Whenever I call or text him, all he talks about is his girlfriend and manages to bring any topic of conversation round to her. He insisted that we have her over for dinner (which we did) and he often puts her on the phone to speak to me when I have phoned to speak to him. I find this awkward as I hardly know her.
I have tried to mention to him that this is making me feel a bit forced into a relationship with her but he got extremely defensive/upset about it, saying that I am determined not to like her.
Based on his current behaviour of pushing this lady on me, my worry is now that he wants/will try to get my child calling her gran, especially if he is providing childcare for us. Am I being childish/unreasonable? I'm planning on speaking to him about it but am worried that his reaction will be the same as last time e.g. you just don't like her. I don't feel comfortable with my child calling her gran/granny/grandma. I'm also afraid of coming across as ungrateful as my Dad has kindly offered to look after the baby for us. I appreciate that this may all be pregnancy hormones! Am I worrying over nothing? Smile

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Rhiannon2015 · 14/10/2015 18:26

Hiya, how far along are you? I felt very defensive about my baby when I was about 12-20 weeks, every one was so excited giving advice and offering to look after the baby straight away. I was very worried, and looking back maybe irrationally.. As now, I just say'we'll see...' When feeling bombarded. .. I'm almost 27 weeks and my anxiety has dropped. I still get advice and expectance but I just ignore it. My folks have offered to have the baby within the first 3 weeks of his life and i just smile and say, 'thanks, let's see how things are at the time'
But to be on safe side, you could always make a big deal of referring to your dads gf as step-granny at every opportunity! Or aunty soandso. Sounds like they are very excited to be involved, I feel your pain, honestly, but maybe just be non committal and aloof for now. Maybe your dad's gf feels just as awkward being pushed onto you? She's probs just super excited though and wants to be involved :p

macdat · 14/10/2015 18:30

You just need to be firm with him and have a proper discussion. I don't think you're worrying over nothing. He's only been with her 7 months, who knows what will happen a year or two down the line.

Rhiannon2015 · 14/10/2015 18:31

Also what's with relatives being against cats?? I have two and whenever I talk about them someone tells me they will smother the baby!? Hmmmf.

handbags88 · 14/10/2015 18:35

Thanks for the replies guys! I think I probably am just being a bit sensitive - I'll just leave it just now and see how the land lies closer to the time. I'm only 11 weeks and they are very excited - a bit overwhelming at times.
Didn't consider that she maybe feels awkward too, could be...
Rhiannon, I keep getting cat comments, I feel the same way! Grin

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handbags88 · 14/10/2015 18:38

However, will have a good think about how to have 'the chat' diplomatically...

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Spottyladybird · 14/10/2015 18:43

Dealing with your parents and in laws points of view is one of the hardest bits of being a new parent. I just tend to nod and say 'thanks for the advice!'

In regards to calling her gran has he suggested it yet? Could you do something lighthearted like send a pic of your scan when you have it with 'hi grandad and ...., looking forward to meeting you on ....'

handbags88 · 14/10/2015 18:45

Spotty, that sounds like an excellent idea! Our scan is next week, so I think I'll go with that. He's not asked yet but I have a feeling it's on the cards. That would be a good way of sorting it out without any confrontation.

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sepa · 14/10/2015 18:56

May I ask if your mum is still alive? Obviously it's your decision about who you want your baby calling what but I know that my mum would be upset with my DC calling my stepmum gran/nan etc. The way I see it is the name of mum dad goes to only 2 people and the name of nan granddad goes to 4 unless there is agreement between the biological sets unless there is a family rift.

I do not call my step grandad grandad and that name was for the one I had. My kids however will call him great grandad and my grandad is no longer alive

Red193 · 14/10/2015 19:07

I would just explain kindly that you would rather not have her as gran yet as you want to get to know her and build a relationship and when you feel ready then in the future she can be. I wouldn't allow it. Maybe let her be an auntie as a compromise

Siennasun · 14/10/2015 20:15

If your dad hasn't said anything about calling her gran, I wouldn't say anything. You will be starting an argument unnecessarily and possible giving him ideas!
The advice about getting rid of the cat is ridiculous. That would have annoyed me too.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 14/10/2015 20:20

Would you feel better suggesting something like "Granny Rose" or whatever her name might be? I had a step grandma growing up, never knew my dad's real mum as she'd died some years prior. Worked great for us- as a child, it never occurred to me why she wasn't "Grandma" like my other grandma, it was just her name.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 14/10/2015 20:21

Also agree with pp that suggesting something yourself might be a good way to reassure your dad but also get things on your terms.

handbags88 · 15/10/2015 07:58

My mum is still alive and she'd definitely be upset at this lady being called gran or something similar. I think I will hold off on a big discussion for now but I quite like the idea of putting the scan pic inside a card with 'to Grandad and Girlfriend's Name'.
Thanks for all the replies, you've been very reassuring and helpful Smile

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