Hey, i'm 13 weeks pregnant and from my first scan they say everything looks good so my initial stress of 'is the baby okay?' is gone but i just can't help feeling doomed for all eternity lol.
Me and my partner have only been together for 7 months and now i'm gunna have to move in with him and do the whole family thing and I just can't help but feeling that it's wrong, he is great, my family actually like him which is a first and although we only met this year all our friends are from the same circles cause we are both musicians, we are everyone's favorite couple, blah blah, on paper our relationship should be awesome. I know he tries really hard but lately I just feel suffocated - he has abandonment issues so emotionally is pretty needy and right now i've got so much going on in my head I just don't have the capacity for his stuff - especially since his stuff recently is 'feeling like a piece of shit' because i NEED some time to myself. Before I got pregnant we spent every day together pretty much and it was great, but pretty much as soon as I became pregnant (even before we knew) I just felt an overwhelming need to distance myself and suddenly had a million and one doubts about the relationship. Because of his abandonment issues i'm absolutely dreading getting a flat together as I feel it's probably gunna turn into one of those relationships where i'm totally under the thumb. Even when we aren't in each others company he messages me all the time and I feel like the worst person in the world for just wanting to tell him to give it a rest but he just doesn't seem to understand that I need to have focus to work on my stuff. My gut feeling is that it is all wrong and although he is great, I already feel sometimes that i'm dealing with a child when dealing with his drama - I've tried to make him understand but the first time I told him I wanted some space (admittedly I didn't do it very well) he was having panic attacks and phoning me crying etc. I'm 21 and he's 29, he's already got 2 kids so although this is a wonderful thing for him, i'm still trying to get used to the idea and he just won't let me. I'm so close to ending the relationship and telling him to sort himself out but then i'm so torn because I just don't know if i'm over reacting or being irrational because I know that he does try he's just a selflish asshole sometimes too...This is meant to be the one time in my life he's meant to go out of his way to make sure I have no stress and he's a bigger stress than being pregnant at 21 in the first place!!!!
Sorry for my rant, I just can't really speak to anyone cause as I say, everyone I know pretty much are his friends too and I don't want to speak badly of him/ have people take sides - I just want to be able to chill out and know that if I wanted to I could turn my phone and internet off for a week, hide in my bed and eat all the fruit and ice cream I could afford and not have someone telling me that they feel like a piece of shit because I don't want to spend any time with anyone that week - I just want to be me!