Mother problems

[Rebecca2015]

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and I was a smoker before finding out.
Since then I have quit which has been hard but I know I had to protect my child but my mother is making things hard, I spend a lot of time with her doing her shopping and helping out as she doesn't drive or have the best health but she smokes in the room with me with the door open and it's her house but she then offers me some! I haven't caved yet but I'm getting so sick of it she smoked with all her children and thinks it's fine and isn't listening to me and I can't just not go over as no one else can help her I just feel like I am going to explode I want her to be a part of this but she isn't listening to me.

Well done for giving up. I would refuse to go round there if she smokes in front of you - passive smoking is a risk to you and your baby. I would also consider whether you will visit her with the baby when it's born - I wouldn't want my child in a house where someone smoked.

Totally agree with Vim. Try and stay away since passive smoking is almost just as bad for the baby. And really well done to you, stand your ground!

I'm probably your mother's age, and it was common in the bad old days for pregnant women to smoke. Like me, she probably looks at her healthy children and thinks that it didn't do any harm. I quite understand that views have changed and that smoking in the vicinity of pregnant women, babies and children is something that is unacceptable nowadays; she needs to be made to see this or your current issues are only going to worsen once your baby is born.

You may have already spelled out for her the reason you've quit - if not, you need to do this. You also need to ask her to support you by not offering you cigarettes and not smoking when you're with her. As back-up, does she have a friend or relative of similar age who is up-to-date with current thinking who you could enlist to talk to her?

Congratulations on your pregnancy and on giving up - as an ex-smoker myself I know it's not easy but you'll never regret it.

I agree that you should stand your ground. I think it's important that your mum realises that from now on, you'll be putting your child first and protecting their health. I know it's difficult as I'm someone who really struggles with any kind of confrontation, but since having my daughter, I've had to learn the hard way to put my foot down on certain subjects. I only wish I had learned to do it sooner. There will be many things down the line that your mum may have a difference of opinion with you on and it's important that your decisions are respected. Hope this helps, and congratulations. I'm sure your mum's intentions are good but you're well within your rights for her to respect your point of view on this.x

Every time she lights up, walk out. Not in a snarky way, just "Right mum, see you tomorrow morning with your bread and milk" and leave. Mid-laundry-load if necessary.

You can't change her behaviour, only your reaction to it!