8 weeks and father pushing to me have a termination

[whatnext37]

Hey
I'm not even sure if this is the place for it but I just feel alone and need someone to talk to.
I am pregnant. It is the result of a one night stand.
I have in the past had some concerns around my reproductive health, I lost an ovary about 10 years ago, and more recently had to have surgery to remove a fibroid that grew to 9 pounds.
I have never tried to get pregnant, and I thought we had been safe in using condoms although I now believe the guy may have taken his chances.
I've been straight with the guy from the off and we met face to face tonight. He is desperate for me to terminate. He has threatened all sorts of nasty stuff and says he will do anything to make sure I don't have the baby.
I just feel so afraid of what to do next.
I want this baby so badly but i don;t want it to grow up feeling unwanted. I don't want it to be born into a conflict environment.
He says I should be happy that now I know I can get pregnant I should terminate and find a proper relationship. Boy. I wish that was my situation but I already feel connected to this little one and what if this really is my only chance? Just because it happened easily this time doesn;t mean it would again. He says i am ruining his life. I feel awful. Am I being cruel having this child in these circumstances? Is the kindest thing to terminate? Being a single mum will be hard but i really want this baby. Oh, i'm sorry, I just thought i might find someone on here who had been in a similar situation.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

You are the one who is pregnant, you are the one who either needs to go through with the pregnancy or termination so you are the only one who can make the decision about what is right for you. There are plenty of single mothers out there who are making a success of things, I won't lie and say it's easy but it is possible. What ever you decide good luck for the future

Sorry you feel this way. Your baby won't grow up feeling unwanted- it's wanted by you by the sound of it. Please, please do not terminate this pregnancy because someone else wants you to- you will regret it. If YOU want to terminate (but it doesn't sound as if you do) then that is a different matter. It sounds as if this baby won't be wanting of love.

Whatever you do, take care of yourself. Get checked for ST Is and get some contraception YOU control!

Do not be pressured into doing anything you do jot want to. Only you can make the decision and by the sounds of it you want to keep this baby. I had a mc years ago but at the time I was being pressured into a termination. I felt in the end it was all how it was meant to be but the pain never left me. I can't imagine the feeling of having gone through with it when it's not what you want, which it clearly sounds like it isn't. He may be scared now but personally I know many men who changed their minds after the babies are born and if not, you sound like you could do it alone? Weigh up Who's feelings are more important to you, yours or his? And as someone who's had to have ivf, my opinion is fertility is a blessing and every child is created for a reason and special in their own way. I also know people who fell pregnant easily once but then had to have ivf later as they still had issues. This is all just my opinion and I wish you great strength and courage to help form your own and make the right choices for you x

Tell him to delete u out of his life and u do the same with him... I did it on my own when I told my no good ex he had no choice. he made the mistakes not me.... I'm sure u will have friends and family who will support u... I was told I was foolish to keep my baby but he is the best thing to ever happen. . Cliché but true... Make ur choice for you and screw everyone else... Xxxx

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Continue with it and don't give this man a second thought. Your child will grow up much happier not knowing him.

And get angry - how dare he tell you what you should do with your body. Cut him out of your life - if you share mutual friends, avoid them for a while at least.

You're carrying the baby and would have to deal with the emotional fallout if you aborted. It's your call. He could have used protection if he didn't want a baby. He has to respect your decision at this stage

I'm in the exact same situation now but I already have a toddler. I couldn't go through with a termination and the dad went ballistic and threatened similar things. He has cut me off completely now. It's their loss at the end of the day and you have more than enough love for that bubba yourself so stuff him and enjoy your pregnancy!

I was in a similar position 30 weeks ago.
He has no right at all to threaten you, I'd report any such threats to the police. And certainly to your MW and HV if you do go ahead, they have been really supportive to me.
Children need to be loved and cared for, 1 good parent can do that.
This is your body and your decision, he made his decision when he slept with you, everyone knows the potential outcomes when they have sex.
Tbh, I'd cut all contact with him.

At the end of the day it is your decision to continue with the pregnancy or not. However be realistic about your expectations for this man towards the baby and how you may be in a position to support this baby yourself without his help. You say you don't want the baby to be unwanted..well the baby will be loved by you but the is a possibility that he may not want the baby. There are cases where the father does come round once baby is born but there are many cases where it becomes complicated and there is conflict regarding the baby...just think about it carefully and see what is best for you...dont feel pressured into making one decision or the other...go with what you think you can cope with. As the mother most of the parenting will fall on u n u will have to make decisions that you feel are in the baby's best interests...n it starts with this decision...think carefully and do what's right for you

OP this is a wanted baby. You want it. You said as much many times in your original post.

A termination would be your choice, not his, and it does not sound like that is what you want at all.

If you are receiving threats, then this should at the very least be reported to your MW, if not to the police.

It does not sound like this man wants any place in your life, or in your baby's. And although you sound understandably upset about his attitude and behaviour about the pregnancy, you don't at all give the impression that you were expecting a future and family with him. In that sense, you don't give the impression that you see a place for him in your life, or are upset on your own behalf that he wants no part in this. (And indeed why would you, given his behaviour?) It sounds to me like he is deluded by the ugly stereotype of a woman trying to 'trap' him with a pregnancy - and this is clearly not the case.

You do not need him. Your baby does not need him. Given his behaviour, the safest thing for you to do IMO is to make it explicitly clear that you have no expectations of involvement from him, and cut contact.

I do hope that you have loving and supportive friends and family around you, who will provide a wider network of people who will also love and want your baby, when it arrives, and will support you too during the pregnancy. Focus your energy on building and strengthening these relationships instead. Wishing you strength and luck!

He has no right to tell you to abort the baby. If he is threatening you then go to the police.

I would just tell him that your keeping the baby and want no involvement from him. I think if you want to keep the baby and he doesn't then it would be unfair to ask for child maintenance from him though