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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

anyone else fed up of having to work if you really have more important things to do?

19 replies

trian · 04/10/2015 14:30

i'd be going a bit crazy if i had a hard job (i've had those in the past), thank goodness i don't
but i still resent having to be here when i've got so much else on (won't bore you with the details but a large part of it is having to manage essential refurb to make house habitable for the baby) cos there's no one else to do it but me (single).
It just hacks me off that i can't take annual leave, as i need to add it on to the end of my maternity leave, as many women do.
It feels like a total pointless farce me going to work when there's so much other stuff to do. This baby is planned, it's complicated but I'm dreading the hard work of bringing a baby up to the point where they're a vaguely rational child that you can communicate with, I need all the strength I can get as a single person who's already been through hell to get here and society forcing me to work at this point will leave me so drained that by the time I have the baby, that even if i don't struggle to cope, it will take me years to recover, if i ever do.
Sorry to moan but i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels that work is just a meaningless waste of time that you're doing in order to get maternity pay (which I'll doubtless have to end up repaying as the chances of me being able to return to work are probably nil). There's another thing i'm not looking forward to: grappling with the benefits system, managed to avoid those incompetent fools/understaffed workers for a long time.....

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Junosmum · 04/10/2015 14:57

I feel you. Currently doing a refurb ourselves. I've been painting this morning and will be tiling later. Got floors to lay, wallpaper to put up, painting to do, carpet to choose AND baby stuff to sort. And I work full time. No way I can take leave or go on mat leave early, we can't afford it.

RooibosTeaAgain · 04/10/2015 15:21

If you do not think you will return could you not then use your holiday as you will not need to add it onto your maternity leave? Might help with your refurb?

Original poster

trian · 04/10/2015 16:20

rooibos, i'm trying to keep my options open as although i doubt i'll even want to return to this job, I really don't have the scope to make that decision before i have the baby. I think I'll be ok at staying home by myself with a baby, it's not ideal, but i think it will be way better than working at the mo. But one piece of advice that i think is really sensible is that it's very hard to predict what a new parent will feel about that kind of things til they've had the baby - i might be crawling the walls, needing to escape! Right now I'd settle for reducing my to do lists from Work, Refurb, Baby, Misc to just Baby + Misc (with less crap on the Misc as I'll at least be expected to do less!!!). The refurb has mainly been to do with major damp.

OP posts:

RooibosTeaAgain · 04/10/2015 16:34

Makes sense to keep options open. Just read your end of post and thought if not returning was likely it may help. Major work in my home too - nightmare times!

CityDweller · 04/10/2015 16:51

Erm, no... I love my job. To the extent that I tinker away at it on mat leave of my own choice.

I don't really understand your post, especially the 'society forcing you to work at this point'. Nor why you think it's going to take you years to get over having a baby, if at all

Original poster

trian · 05/10/2015 11:08

rooibos, thanks for your constructive comments xxx

OP posts:

poocatcherchampion · 05/10/2015 20:52

It is hard to work when your mind is elsewhere but remember that you work primarily to earn money to live which you need. Enjoyment of work is not an entitlement.

Do the best job you can.

VulcanWoman · 05/10/2015 21:01

Work gets in the way of my life.

Runningupthathill82 · 05/10/2015 21:42

Nope, I love my job. And while it's not an easy job it doesn't leave me "drained." I would honestly be bored rigid if I were just at home, preparing for my baby to arrive, and sorting out a damp problem.

Also - why will it take you years to recover? Unless you have serious underlying health problems, I don't really get it I'm afraid.

Focusfocus · 05/10/2015 21:48

Nope, I trained for my career for ten years, it's always what I ever wanted to be, a childhood dream, and my job is something I absolutely love. Saved up annual leave to start today at week 37 and while I'm loving the rest, I'm looking forward to returning in April. It's definitely not something that I found easily and a decade of work went behind my first job. Everyone's different :-)

blondiejess1982 · 05/10/2015 21:55

I love my job but ideally I would like to work part time so that I can have more input in bringing up my baby. My job is demanding and not the kind that ends at 5pm either. I think I get your frustration where we live in a day and age where the cost of living is so high that even with your other half earning a decent wage it is hard to live on that one wage so you can be a full time mum. Out goings are high for most people, everything is more expensive so that option isn't there for most of us, which is a shame.

Artandco · 06/10/2015 18:57

Not really, I like my job also. I do get annoyed when I'm waiting around for something work related though instead of going home. Ie today I had actually finished most stuff by 3.30pm, but I needed to wait for one last client to call so I could do something else and he couldn't until 5.30pm, so I past 2 hrs doing stuff that could have been done later on instead of just going to collect kids

dotladotla · 06/10/2015 19:25

I've been working 45 hours a week until I was 38 weeks pregnant at the same time as sorting the house & now (40 weeks tomorrow) I'm completely bored! I didn't have much choice, bills to pay and all that. It worked out quite well for me running about a restaurant all day because it's kept me fit and active. If you're anything like me you'll wonder why you wanted to stop work early when you do stop! It will fly in and it also keeps your mind off getting impatient about the baby!

IrisPurple1 · 07/10/2015 17:51

Dear Trian

I can't imagine the stress you must be going through. I had been feeling frustrated because I've used most of my leave with wedding in April, honeymoon in June and now baby due early May. But your post puts things perspective.

Is there anyone who can help you with the house or when the baby arrives? When are you due and when does your mat leave start? Would it be possible to start mat leave slightly earlier so you have fewer working days? I have decided to start a couple of weeks earlier so I don't have to stretch my remaining 6 days leave till the bitter end of my annual leave year.

I am sorry some people have not been very sympathetic - if you've not had a baby before it is impossible to know how much energy you'll have to go back to work vs how much you can afford to work part time.

I wish you all the best x

Original poster

trian · 07/10/2015 19:02

thanks so much IrisPurple1 xxxxx

But your post puts things perspective. Exactly, it's all about perspective. I know I'm sooooo lucky compared to other single TTC (trying to conceive) women I met online whilst I was still TTC. I know I'm so lucky compared to most people on the planet who live in countries with no half-decent healthcare etc. But I also know that that's no reason to get complacent about the unfair inequalities in society, I'll always fight against them whether I myself am a victim or not. What bugs me is that, when I'm not being ground-down, I give so much back to other people both professionally and personally - but I had to give up my career in order to have any hope of having a family of my own. I'm hoping to go back to it as soon as I can.

I think it's pretty clear in my post that there's a lot of bad luck in my background that I can't discuss on mumsnet as I (like most people) want to remain anonymous on here. I think I can get together support for when the baby comes, but I need time to sort that and getting the house habitable, that's why I'm fed up of being at work! You're right about the annual leave, i am considering taking some of it from the end of mat leave and putting it at the front if you see what i mean.

thanks again xxxxx

OP posts:

Workingmum473 · 08/10/2015 09:37

I can understand how u feel. Some people are lucky enough to enjoy their job throughout their pregnancy but for some it can be very tiring and seem pointless...the only thing I can suggest is to go on maternity leave early if work is becoming too much for you. I went earlier than I had wanted to and I think it did me a world of good

Junosmum · 08/10/2015 10:47

I love my job, and I trained and worked hard to get where I am however with everything else I have on at the moment I could do with working less! I'm not finding my job hard, though it is challenging (which I like), and work are being great about h&s whilst I'm pregnant, but we've just so much to do with the house it would be easier if I could just get on with it! My mum is coming to help with some decorating but we only have weekends to do things as OH doesn't get home until 7.00 and I doubt the neighbours (with young children) would appreciate us drilling and hammering until 10pm!

Pixi2 · 08/10/2015 10:51

What drove me really crazy when I was pregnant and working was that I had actual work to do. Then management would call a meeting and I would have to leave my important work to sit for two hours in a meeting which could have been sorted out with a quick email.

Original poster

trian · 08/10/2015 11:44

oh jeez, the pointless meetings sydrome, i've known that one in the past! thanks very much recent posters for your words of support xxxx

I need to check our mat leave policy, because i think if i end up being too ill to work, i don't get sick pay, my mat leave just gets moved forward whether i want it to or not!!!

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