Worry and anxiety taking over a bit. 37 weeks

[WearingRedPyjamas]

Posted this in mental health but no responses.

I am due to have third baby soon. I think I had undiagnosed pnd and birth trauma after dc1 but felt better after about a year. Much of it was characterised by being very anxious - I felt that if I did not worry constantly then something bad would happen - kind of payback for letting my guard down. In part this was because dc1 was poorly when born and also because she had an incident on first night where I thought she had died, until I found her in the resus room with the midwives, alive and kicking - and I felt I had taken my eye off the ball (a passing midwife had spotted her turning blue I hadn't). In part this was because she took a long time to conceive so I never really felt I'd get a baby, having yearned for one for so long, and then I thought I may be punished for my happiness by having her taken away when I got her.

Anyway this led to a rocky first year at times but I got some help from a mate who works in birth trauma, and never went to gp about it, and slowly felt better, especially after a year when I started to get some sleep. DC2 was textbook birth and relatively easy beginning and mitigated all the fear of dc1 really, and I also did that chat with the hospital where you go through your previous births and they explain what happened and I felt very calmed and measured by midwife telling me that would have noticed my daughter turning blue, she is sure of it, and coughs would have alerted me shortly after midwife noticed and I would have saved her myself.

But now am 37 weeks with dc3 and feel anxious all the time. Not helped by having gestational diabetes and having been told about the higher stillbirth risk. I can't stop worrying - feel like I might bring disaster on myself if I do stop and be punished somehow for not worrying. It's like the worry is the only thing keeping the baby alive, though I know this is silly. Also not helped by baby being conceived at time when dh and I were not having a great few months and I wasn't sure to start with whether I wanted to be pregnant or not (even though we were trying...). And it has been a tough pregnancy in terms of sickness etc and I have felt rotten, and then worried the baby can sense I am a bit indifferent to being pregnant.

Sorry - am just ranting. Feel exhausted by anxiety. And really not keen on going to gp. Don't have time anyhow - so many gd appts, extra scans etc, and dc1 just started school and trying to fit all in with drop off and pick up and looking after dc2.

any advice.... help me calm down

Gosh that incident with your dc1 sounds absolutely terrifying and I'm not surprised you felt so anxious. I've not got much advice particularly but maybe it might reassure you to hear that a lot of the anxiety sounds fairly 'normal'. Becoming a parent really heightens your awareness of danger and you constantly risk assess situations in a way you never would have before. I have 3dcs (expecting #4) and my anxiety definitely increases near to and for a while after the birth and then subsides again. So hopefully you will feel a bit better about it all in a few weeks. I think it's hormonal and designed to keep our babies safe. Having said that, be aware that if it gets too much be sure to see your GP. For a time I was so anxious about everything that when driving over bridges I'd take my seatbelt off incase the car went in the river and I needed to free the dcs from their car seats. This was probably excessive and I'd have sought help if it didn't rapidly improve. Good luck with the impending birth and hope you feel better soon.

If you're prone to anxiety that incident must have been horrible even though you were not at fault at all. I myself am prone to anxiety and three months in with my first I still find myself imagining the weirdest and wildest incidents in all situations. I feel like I am in a video game where I have to be alert to all incoming dangers!

However, when it starts to really get you down as it sounds it is you need to seek help. There are loads of talking therapies available so maybe have a chat with your midwife. It shouldn't take up too much time!

Best of luck - and your baby really doesn't think you're indifferent don't worry!

That incident and the events surrounding it sound so scary and very difficult for you. None of it was your fault!

I won't ramble too much, but I have some similar experience and would suggest 2 things that might appeal, they worked for me but obviously everyone is different!

The first is accessing your local IAPT service- they should fast track you because of your pregnancy and history, and you could receive some help over the phone if that is most convenient. Some iapt services require GP referral but some do allow self referral. Anyway, you can access help for postnatal illness and anxiety.

The second thing (this really helped me but depends on your personal attitude to it as it isn't for everyone) is hypnotherapy for relaxation. I had suggestion hypnotherapy to help me relax and boost my confidence and then later on after baby was born I had analytical hypnotherapy for anxiety. Both helped me tremendously.

Above all, it is not uncommon to feel this way so don't beat yourself up and there are options of help available. Good luck