How to cope with fatigue, sickness AND meetings?

[Sunflower86]

I work in a busy office environment and manage a small team. I was all prepared to juggle the first trimester symptoms from the comfort of my desk, but lately I seem to be out of the office more than in it. Today I had an all day meeting and evening 'do' sprung on me which Im dreading. Later in the week Ive got trips to london scheduled (a 2.5 hour journey), theres talk of a trip overseas and Im not sure how to avoid any of this while my boss doesnt know. Im feeling sick, tired but not sleeping well and have an upset stomach too. Has anyone else found ways to get through a busy work schedule? And how soon did you tell your boss? Im 6w 5d

I had an early scan at 5.5 weeks and told my boss then, long before wevtold any friends or family. They didn't tell anyone else in the office, and I felt it was a pragmatic professional decision. If anything had gone wrong with the pregnancy (which was reasonably high risk) I would havecher to tell them anyway, and it made it much easier for them to be flexible (allowing me to work from home on days I had appointments, scheduling meetings where people came to me, deflecting attention if anyone else noticed anything) It was definitely the right decision for me.

Thanks for the advice, I think Id feel a lot better if I had some support at work or could speak to someone. Its a small office and gossip is a nightmare, so ill have to tell the remaining close family in case anything gets out. Though im not far off people guessing with me making freauent trips to the one toilet which is visible to all desks!

I told my boss at 8 weeks too. It was nice knowing I had someone to go to if I needed support, and also made scheduling appointments for scans etc. much easier.

If you ask them too your kine management should keep your pregnancy as confidential as any other medical situation. For me this meant my grandparent manager needed to know something (so my manager could explain the additional working from home) but my manager only told them that I had medical appointments (I had agreed that he could be you'd should it become necessary) and any colleagues that asked where I was were also told I had medical appointments. I explicitly asked that the fact that I was pregnant be kept confidential, and my wishes were respected.

Personally I didn't tell my manager until 12 weeks, but I think this was a mistake on reflection. I struggled with terrible sickness and I suspect this created whispers in the business. I was worried that telling them and something going wrong would affect how they treated me career wise. As it turned out, it has negatively affected how they treated me, but ironically if I had told them earlier I would have had even more protection.

I think overall you'll be better supported if you don't go it alone, the first trimester is hard.

I told my line manager early, around 7 weeks, because I was scheduled for an overseas trip to a developing country that required medicines and vaccines that are not advisable in pregnancy. He kept it to himself as I would expect any manager to do when an employee discloses confidential medical information.

Tell your manager in confidence, and hopefully they will be happy to shift your workload accordingly. Don't go to the evening do if you don't feel up for it - if it's this short notice, can you make up an excuse about another commitment? Be ruthless - only go to meetings you feel are absolutely necessary. For example, could you dial in remotely? Travelling to London is so exhausting. No point dragging yourself to meetings when you are feeling so rough by the time you get there that you can't contribute. Hopefully, your manager will understand!

I didn't tell and toughed it out. Very similar situation to you, feeling nauseous and having to do long days, train journeys to London etc. Not fun! By 12 weeks, everyone had guessed (I had been nibbling ginger biscuits at my desk for weeks!). My team are all women and VERY perceptive so had guessed way earlier. In hindsight, I should have just told them as soon as I was feeling nauseous. I think, just tell the people you feel able to tell, even if it's just your boss, and your life will immediately feel easier. You may still need to travel but people will definitely cut you some slack which you need more in the first trimester than you do any other time.

My manager knew before my MiL! I had a job where long hours, evening functions and overseas trips were the norm. I told my boss ASAP as in my first trimester I wasn't capable of much more than a half asleep, nausea filled, dribbling stupor most days. Ah - fun times

I also didn't tell until 12 weeks. Although where I live we have strong legal protection, in reality if a business wants you out, they will and my boss makes the Borg look empathetic - I know that if I'd been unable to continue with the pregnancy then she'd have got rid of me. She has form for this.

However, if your company is decent, then I'd advise you tell them in confidence. It gives you an extra layer of protection as pregnancy is a protected category. It also means you can find ways to work around sickness - working from home etc. Don't do what I did, and take late night TCs on the phone lying on the floor of my office with a bucket!

Unfortunately despite me working through all that sickness (and my boss not having a clue, which proves I managed to keep my work high quality despite feeling shit) when I did tell them at 12 weeks they did not behave well. But I'd still advise you to inform them - you are legally protected if you do.

I'm another one who told my line manager at 6 weeks after two early scans (two previous losses in last 12 months, which he was aware of also). He kept it confidential until after 12 week scan when I was able to tell my team in my own way. I was allowed to work from home and have had time off for appointments and scans. As soon as you've told your employer, they have a legal duty to protect you (at least in the UK, not sure about elsewhere) so I was glad I had told him. It made it easier to explain why I kept running to the loo and looked like death! Congratulations but the way, wishing you all the best x

Thank you everyone for the sound advice. Looks like the majority vote is to tell. Ill see how the next few days go and if I have a bad one, will tell them. I'll need to brave a way to do this. My manager and I are very close at a work level and he has been mentoring me into one day taking his position with lots of talk of my personal development and investment in training, so I think it will be a real shock and unexpected. I need to get my head into a non apologetic state and know that although its a small company, they will cope without me for a while. Its weird in my work as there are 25 employees, many of whom are dads with young kids, but out of the 12 women, non of them have any children and none are married. I think its still hard for women to juggle careers and families, im planning to figure it out as i go!