Can’t agree on finding out gender

[rubybloom2]

My 20-week anomaly scan is on Friday, and DH and I can’t agree on finding out the gender. I want to, he adamantly doesn’t. I know I can always get the sonographer to just tell me, but I know I would give it away, even unintentionally.

Has anyone else disagreed with their partner on this? It’s infuriating.

I can't get with the argument that it is my body and therefore my choice. It isn't a medical issue. It is a relationship issue. He is the father after all.

Fwiwvwe have never found out.

I'm the same as brummie - found out last week and do feel a bit like I've spoiled what I wanted to be a surprise. We were opposite to you op - DH wanted to find out and I didn't. Went with his decision though as I felt that he's not really getting any say in anything else right now!

I do wonder if my feeling a bit weird about finding out is because I was secretly hoping for a girl - we're expecting a boy and of course I'm very happy but part of me thinks I'd have dealt with the news better in that moment of surprise at the birth, rather than having another 4 months to think about it!

I don't feel any greater bond with the baby now I know he's a boy but finding out certainly cured my curiosity

I didn't find out with mine and dh was happy to go along with that. I would have hated knowing. It is supposed to be a surprise imo. It is such an exciting time!

I didnt want to find out, my husband did. I talked him round, but if theres a next time, then he'll get to choose so it's fair.

My reason was that although I didnt mind what flavour it was, not all scans are accurate. If I'd been told it was a girl, and I spent 5 months thinking about it as a girl, but it turned out to be a boy, I would have found that hard to deal with. Not to mention you would have to TELL everyone, that would be all they would talk about for ages, and you know people would have insisted on buying pink shite whether you wanted it or not, then you have to decide whether to dress him in it or not. It's a minefield. Same issues the other way round.

Someone on my Facebay is selling a pink bouncer. She says it's fab, done a really good job, her daughter loved it, but shes selling it because her next baby is going to be a boy. I kind of hope the scan was wrong just cos shes being so daft about using a pink bouncer for a boy!

Anyway we didnt find out, and we had a boy who is fab. :-)

Don't find out. Honestly. I found out twice and didn't find out twice and it's just so wonderful to learn the sex by looking yourself at the birth instead of being told by a sonographer. I'd turn back the clock and have all surprises if I could!

I didn't find out with my first (DS) and am now 26 weeks with DC2. Was much more tempted at the 20 weeks scan this time, but on the grounds that you can't undo 'knowing' and DP didn't want to - we didn't find out.

Despite the temptation - I actually really enjoy not knowing (but also enjoy guessing!), twice as much window-shopping, twice as much name-choosing. But then I love a good mystery film/book/game and get properly angry with present-revealers - so think I'm opposite to you OP.

I've got a sneaky placenta praevia scan at 32 weeks, so maybe I can spot something then.. or not...

By 32 weeks its usually too squished to tell!

We are not finding out the gender. To be honest, I just want a happy healthly baby, I'm not bothered about gender (1st). At our hospital they don't tell you anyways and Id rather put the money for a private scan towards something nice for the baby. I do see your point though, I'm just lucky that we both ironed all these things out before I got pregnant

Even better twister - no temptation then. r

TenForward, I think you need to lighten up a little bit!!

And pray tell, yummy, why might that be, in your esteemed opinion?

Is it because I've had trouble bonding with my baby during my pregnancy? Or because I expressed a clear preference and asked my husband to compromise on it? Or because I personally don't understand why people would not want to know? Or is it some other reason?

I'm all ears, really.

I found out with DS because we wanted an extra 20 weeks to decide on a name - DH and I had very different ideas.

I was very glad I did, and got to have the exciting "it's a boy" moment. Because when he was actually born I was in such a bad state that I didn't even know I'd had a baby, let alone been up to having a "gender reveal" moment.

Have found out this time too, partly because I know that finding out for myself at the moment of birth might not be a possibility, if I have a really bad time of it again.

I understand the reasons for both wanting to find out and not wanting to find out.

But I really don't think that anyone who already knows pushes less hard in labour because they already know the gender...

'Here comes another contraction, oh I'll just sort of half-push, I mean I know it's a boy/ girl so no hurry there...'

Trust me, you want to meet that baby just as much whether you know or not!

We didnt find out with dc1 and did with dc2 and neither labour was influenced by it. Similarly i didnt bond with eithet more than the other during the pregnancy.

However I think the one that doesnt want to know trumps, at least the first time round. Then if you have another dc you can swap if you want.

We wanted to find out but even if we didn't, as soon as the sensor went over he was flashing his balls. If you really don't want to know, you may need to close your eyes.