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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Possible discrimination at work?

25 replies

Red193 · 21/09/2015 11:53

When I told me boss I was pregnant it went down really badly. She had a go at me and really laid into me making me feel awful. It was horrible and I ended up in tears. I was only 6 weeks but had to tell them because my morning sickness was/is so bad that it was obvious that I was away from my desk a lot so felt honesty was the best policy. It was promised it would be kept between her and our boss until I got to 12 weeks. He then announced it to the entire office 2 days later and to every guest in the office since which really upset me.
Well I'm 13 weeks now and have picked up a sickness bug and today I just couldn't go to work as I just can't be away from the bathroom. Well I emailed in (protocol for us) and normally when you are unwell you get back a get well soon etc etc all I got back was "noted". I'm now terrified of going in tomorrow Because I'm clearly in trouble even though I haven't had anytime off sick. I've forced myself in every day no matter how ill I have been because I know it's sort of deemed "unacceptable" to be sick.
I just know I'm being treated unfairly. Someone else was given half a day off no questions asked. for a bank meeting but when I gave them the date for my next scan all I got was "well everyone else better be in that day".
The whole situation is seriously stressing me out and I know that's not good for me or the baby but I can't afford to quit either.
And advice please?

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 12:14

Speak to CAB, make note of all these issues with printed copies of emails. Is there HR at your company?

Jasmine12 · 21/09/2015 12:14

HUGS... Im so sorry you feel bad....

In my opinion, they are just being formal (not being nice to you). Can you ignore it? Your hormones must be dancing too. So jsut try to calm down and continue to take off whenever needed for appointments. Follow all your expected protocols. Stop expecting them to be nice to you. As long as they are not saying anythign rude or unprofessional, you cannot say they are discriminating.

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 12:19

Jasmine, give me a break. "everybody else better be in that day"? How is that "professional"? Their scheduling is not the OP's concern.

OP, FWIW, I know what it's like. My boss is INSANE about sick time. He's obviously looked up the law so is treading carefully, but I'm careful to not let him use my pregnancy sickness as an excuse to fire me (which is illegal).

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 12:28

I can't go to HR as my boss is the owner of he company so it will make it all so much worse. They have all been awful since I told them. Some have noticed and stuck up for me but the 2 people who I work directly under are making my life hell!

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 12:30

Yep, also know what that's like.

Document, document, document, and try to rise above. Do you think a frank conversation might work? "This feels like pregnancy discrimination for the following reasons ..."

Definitely call CAB.

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 12:34

I'm too scared to say anything. That place has destroyed me. If I wasn't pregnant I would be looking for a new job!

I will call CAB tomorrow morning when I'm in on my own.
They haven't stopped me attending an appointment yet and I will just call in sick if they try to.
The actually big boss has me in tears every day. He has a go at me for the tiniest thing and has complained that I always look sick and that morning sickness should stop in the morning! He even tried offering me Imodium for it the other day!!

OP posts:

TreeHuggerMum1 · 21/09/2015 12:35

Similar experience with my first too. My boss told me he was " very disappointed " with my choice!
Anyway - ACAS were fantastic and I'd really suggest getting in touch.

dizzylemon · 21/09/2015 12:35

Can you use your mobile to record any of this stuff? It's appalling and illegal to be treating you like this and I would ready the evidence (as well as storing any emails and a log of dates, times and content of conversations.

I've been in a similar situation: I wasn't pregnant, but my boss was the wife of the company's head and was a total bitch to me for no real reason Felt like pressing a formal complaint was pointless.

It's all still worth noting though in case something drastic occurs and you need to go to ACAS or take other legal action

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 12:37

morning sickness should stop in the morning!

Ooooooooooh. Tell the ignorant fucker to go read a pregnancy book. "Morning" sickness is a misnomer! Then vomit on his shoes

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 12:42

Thank you all! I can't tell you how much better I feel just getting it all off my chest.
I'm gonna go back in tomorrow and if anything is said will immediately get in touch with CBA and ACAS and find out where I stand.
When I said that I was pregnant they said oh you'll be having loads of time off sick now when this sickness is not pregnancy related (I have d&v FFS) but I know they will blame it on the pregnancy.
I don't have time off sick where as everyone else in the office has had at least 5 days off this year.

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 12:47

Actually red, you're better off saying that it IS pregnancy related (which in a way it is, as you are more susceptible to D&V type bugs when pregnant, AND the symptoms are generally worse) because they CANNOT fire you for pregnancy-related sickness once you have made them aware you are pregnant. If you insist it's just general sickness, they could use that loophole to give you a hard time.

I made my boss sign a letter on the date I notified him I was pregnant in order to cover myself. I'd suggest you do the same.

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 12:51

I've got an email from HR saying they are aware of pregnancy so I'm covered there. When I reported in ill I just said I had a sickness bug and haven't specified either way. DH is fuming and has rightly pointed out I am allowed to be sick without being made to feel bad and seen as this is the first sickness I've had I really shouldn't feel bad.
I do wonder if hormones are making me read too much into it? I feel even worse than I did this morning though and I'm scared of what tomorrow will hold

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 13:04

Fully understand, I dread coming back after a sick day and rehearse in my head what horrible things my boss could say. I'm definitely more sensitive too since I became pregnant.

Try not to let them get you down - you're doing NOTHING wrong.

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 13:20

Thanks. Gonna try and rest and relax. Stress is not good for me or bump

OP posts:

CarShare · 21/09/2015 13:41

I had trouble in early pregnancy with needing the odd day off sick. I hadn't had a single day off sick pre pregnancy but my boss still behaved very unsympathetically. It really stressed me out, I became unable to sleep and ended up doing reduced hours for six weeks on a doctors fit note for insomnia.
I agree with ten from a legal standpoint much better to go with preg related illness as they are unable to follow normal absence management procedures in preg. See your gp if it gets super stressful and get yourself out of there for a week or so (GP just wrote pregnancy related symptoms on my note so I had no real explaining to do).
Try not to feel intimidated- you've done nothing wrong and the law is totally on your side.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 21/09/2015 14:51

Maternity action are a great organisation to call and the website is also good on the law etc if you need it.

When someone at work was a bit funny about the amount of appointments I had (high risk, I had something to go to most weeks) I did in a kind of "I know it's difficult but they don't do appointments out of work hours, and the law is that pregnant women can attend all appointments" and sent a link. If you casually mention the law they tend to back off. Also with some bosses that are older, the law has changed a lot since they had kids and not everyone is up to date.

My boss got the arse because I told him "too late" after the 20 week scan, which it wasn't, legally it's 25 weeks. So you can't win!

Hoping things improve soon

TenForward82 · 21/09/2015 15:03

Yeah, I mentioned the law after my first appt. Boss must have looked it up because he's not mentioned "making the time up" since ...

Original poster

Red193 · 21/09/2015 15:17

I've been really good at getting my appointments as late or early in the day as possible and when I've had afternoon appointments I have only ever taken half my lunch break as well.

They have their favourites. When the tube is on strike I have to do 10 miles of walking (done 2 tube strikes during this pregnancy) and got no thanks for it where the other girl who had to walk 7 miles was given it off paid!! How is that fair??

OP posts:

miamiaMo · 22/09/2015 16:40

just to ignore, as the health of future mum is the number one

madsaz76 · 22/09/2015 18:38

more importantly, if you are off with a sickness bug you shouldn't be in the next day - you should be clear of symptoms for 48 hours - otherwise the whole workplace could get it - take a little bit more time

Original poster

Red193 · 22/09/2015 18:59

I went back today. No one asks if I was ok. Couple of digs about how busy it was yesterday but when I apologised for being sick I was told not to worry about it. I'm keeping a log of everything though from now on. The big boss wasn't in today so will see what happens tomorrow. Thanks for the support and advice. It's been nice to rant and get it off my chest and no that it isn't right what is happening!

OP posts:

wizardsleeve69 · 22/09/2015 21:36

Keeping a log of what? If this is a small operation every person counts. If people are saying they are extra busy because you aren't in it's likely because they are.

ALR123 · 22/09/2015 21:53

It's horrible when you work for a company like that :( I used to be office manager at my last place and the owner /my boss was a nightmare. Had an attitude of "plenty of people out there want a job so I'll just get rid of you". When I broke the news that one of the girls was 12 weeks pregnant he made me sack her that same day and take her stuff and leave! No word of a lie. I couldn't talk him out of it. She tried to sue him but he just paid her off before court.
I decided to leave before trying for my own family and reading stories like yours I'm so glad I did. Nobody deserves to be made to feel guilty when they're I'll, especially when pregnant as it adds to the stress that you absolutely don't need.
like others have said, keep an log of absolutely everything, times dates and print out emails too. You never know when you may need to use them. Gold luck :-)

Topsy34 · 22/09/2015 22:06

I havent fully read all the replies, apologies if i cover stuff already said.

Document everything, and dont be shy about it. If he says 'morning sickness should stop in the morning' write it down, along with the time and your reply. Try to stay professional with those replies (hard i know but really important), maybe 'unfortunately morning sickness is rather mis described and can last all day, i can go to my gp for medication' (or whatever, you know what i mean!)

Do you have someone in your work place that you could 'get on side' so when you go back to work and called in the office, bring someone else with you so its not one on one, and you then have a witness to what is said.

If you have d&v, absolutley say its preganancy related, you are more susceptible to illness in pregnancy.

It sounds like they are being really unreasonable and you are being discriminated against, have a look at sexual discrimination as well, you may find there is something in there that is useful.

Good luck!

Original poster

Red193 · 23/09/2015 10:32

Thanks everyone. They are a very old fashioned company and don't deal with anything that may disrupt every day smooth running.
It's been awful but I have printed all emails and am making our of any negative comments made about my pregnancy or if I do have anymore time of sick I will make notes for that.

OP posts:

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