Being punished? So sad.

[Idoitforthelove]

I posted here a few weeks ago as I'd just found out that I was pregnant for the second time. I have a one year old and this pregnancy was unplanned.
I was worried about coping with the small age gap and talked about feeling guilty that i wasn't happy to be pregnant. I thought I was ruining my little girl's life by having another baby so quickly.
Now I'm pretty sure that I've miscarried. I was seven weeks.
I cannot describe the feeling of guilt. How could I possibly have been so ungrateful? Am I being punished for thinking such awful things?
So sad.

No, miscarriage is very common. You cannot do anything to cause it or prevent it. Look after yourself, miscarriages aren't easy at all. I was very happy to be pregnant and had a miscarriage around the same point as you. It wasn't because I went for a run, or ate the wrong cheese or had a glass of wine before I knew I was pregnant, or had a stressful day at work. I still felt guilty - for what I don't know - but it isn't something you can cause by thinking anything. Be nice to yourself and try to take it easy.

Hi.

Are you sure you have miscarried? I am sorry if that sounds like a silly question but you don't sound 100% sure. If you have miscarried you would definitely know.

I am sorry if this is the case . I also miscarried at 7 weeks and even though I only knew I was pregnant for 3 weeks it deeply effects you. I also had moments where I was upset because I wasn't sure it would effect my life and my three older children (I am 43). When I miscarried I also wondered if maybe it was because of my feelings, but common sense told me it was not. I know my age gave me an obvious reason to blame it on, but it was not until I joined this forum I realised how common it was and how lucky I had been to not experience it until now.

Don't be hard on yourself, it will be nothing to do with how you were feeling. Your emotions are all over the place anyway in the early days and it is normal to feel anxious about everything!

You now need to look after yourself as you have just gone through something quite traumatic, the last thing you need to do is blame yourself or feel guilty. Enjoy your one year old and take it easy for a while.

Gosh, no, no a million times no... You are not being punished. Not by any fate/god/the universe etc.

We humans are absolutely terrible at packaging our chromosomes neatly when reproductive cells divide. That means that a really high proportion of early human embryos have chromosomal defects, amongst other issues (on average, we all carry at least a couple of harmful mutations in one gene or another.) we are, however, quite good at quality control at an early stage of pregnancy and that's why the miscarriage rate is so very high.

It's nothing you did, didn't do, or thought - it's just biology.

So sorry for your loss - be kind to yourself. Your feelings of grief are totally normal. Allow yourself to grieve, but please feel no guilt. This is absolutely not your fault.

Thank you for replying. It's good to know that other people have been through this too.
Logically I suppose I know it wasn't anything I did, but I still feel incredibly guilty for not being more positive about the pregnancy when so many people struggle. A taste of my own medicine I guess...
I say I "think" I've miscarried - I've been bleeding on and off for about three days. Some clots, but no real pain or discomfort and no heavier than a period.
I'm waiting for the results of two HCG blood tests over 48 hours. All my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared though, so I'm fearing the worst...

I am sorry to hear that you have been bleeding. Do let us know how you get on with your results. You really do have my sympathies.

Please don't think of it as a taste of your own medicine. Becoming pregnant at any time is fraught with worry, not only about the pregnancy itself but about how it will effect your life. Please don't think it had anything to do with you not being positive and definitely don't feel guilty.

Thank you x

Hoping that your blood test results bring good news.

As skipton said, it's biology. I hope you haven't MCed, but if you have it is not your fault.