Need some advice on possible NPD MIL

[popmama1]

I wasn't sure where to post this but really need some advice on how to tackle this. It's come to light recently that my MIL may have NPD. I've been doing a lot of research and she fits the criteria well. I feel she makes up illnesses/exaggerates them for attention, especially when I'm having problems in my pregnancy. Every time I'm ill she is too. I'm just getting over hypermesis, I had it for 2 months straight and lost a lot of weight. I was skinny to begin with. I was in hospital 5 times on a drip. When OH told MIL this she suddenly had nerve damage and a lump in her neck that needs to be removed. When questioned she had no idea when her operation is or why the lump is there. She has no sympathy for me when I'm ill and doesn't ask how the baby is doing (her first grandchild). It feels like she only cares about herself.

The most recent thing is that she had told us her boyfriend has been diagnosed with stage 2 liver cancer. She often relies on OH for emotional support (whilst I get none) so he took time off work to take her out and comfort her. Suprisingly he hasn't seen/spoken to her boyfriend since being told this and MIL says they don't know what treatment he's getting/when or how long they think he has left to live. I'm quite confused because surely they tell you that the same time they diagnose you? I went to A&E this morning as I woke up in the night with severe pain in my lower abdomen, back, legs and pelvis. I could barely walk. They've said its SPD and given me codeine for the pain and have put a referral in for physio. When he told MIL she just made a joke about it and said 'STD?!'. So rude. OH has taken the night off work to stay at home with me and do the housework. An hour or so after we told MIL she calls him screaming down the phone saying her boyfriend is in A&E. He's been given morphine for his pain and sent home. I just feel it's too much of a coincidence that he's in a&e just after me. OH still hasn't spoken to her boyfriend so for all I know she could be making to whole thing up. We haven't been told what has caused the pain or why they went to a&e. MIL is literally texting OH every 30 seconds and it's starting to get on my nerves. I'm trying to relax and she's just bombarding him with sad face emojis. I feel like she's doing it on purpose because we're having a quiet night together and she doesn't like him missing work for 'pointless reasons' and I am a pointless reason to her. My illnesses and pain means nothing. I'm 'pregnant, not ill' in her words. Am I being too harsh/reading into it too much? I feel like I'm going crazy

Do you mean a sort of personality disorder? Would probably be helpful to explain what NDP is, unless I missed that bit! I'm a mental health nurse so am just making an educated guess.

Typical narc. The big question is what does your dp think about her behaviour and how is he going to deal with her.

Why do you keep telling her all this stuff about you?
Tell your oh your medical issues are your own not to be discussed with others. If it's your telling his mum, just stop.

I agree with the previous poster. If she isn't supportive then don't tell her stuff. Otherwise she will just drive you mad and twist things to make it look like you are the unreasonable one. If you are unwell tell your friends and people you trust in your own family and accept that she isn't part of your close circle.

Don't tell her! Keep her at a distance. And make sure your DP doesn't tell her either. If it helps, you can say to him that a) you want to keep your medical issues private and b) you don't want to add to her worries at this difficult time.

Agree with posters above. Tell your dh not to share anything with her.

You might want to get this moved to relationships - more traffic there and often threads with similarly insane mils.

Your main issue is your dh siding with your mum, tbh.

OH tells MIL about me being ill. I don't really have contact with her, she likes to act like I don't exist. He told her about my hypermesis when she made a big deal about wanting to drive us down to visit FIL (her ex husband) and he said no because it's 4/5 hour journey, it's a small car and being in a car makes my sickness worse. We were booking train tickets as that makes better travel for me. She got really upset and shouted at him because SHE couldn't take us. He ended up apologising to her because I was ill and didn't want to be cooped up in a car that long. We never asked her to, she offered and we declined. Really strange behaviour. He told her about me being at the hospital and having SPD because she wanted him to take her out shopping for craft things or something so he had to tell her no and why he couldn't go. No sympathy still. She got upset about this too and hung up on him. She's only just 50 and can drive herself to get her craft items. She didn't say anything to him until her boyfriend was suddenly in a&e a few hours after I was. We don't just tell her outright, only when we have to almost explain ourselves for why we don't want to do what she wants.

I feel like she shouldn't be in my child's life as she's shown no interest in my pregnancy or the baby's health so far. I can only imagine that when I'm in labour she'll be having a heart attack or something and try and get OH to leave me to go see her. It's like she doesn't like him starting a family away from her, even though it's her first and maybe only grandchild.

I agree with Skipton - this is not a Mil problem its a DP problem. Blimey she's only 50, she can drive and yet she demands your dp takes her everywhere. I really do not understand why she would want your dp to drive her to see her xh. Just WTF

Really you need to forget about Mil and sort out what your dp is doing/going to do

She's put me in a difficult position with the possible cancer diagnosis of her boyfriend, which she's more than likely done on purpose. I'm encouraging him to go see him today and see for himself what is actually wrong with him/find out the truth. I don't just want to say 'tell your mum to stop hassling us and look after herself' because he's been convinced by her that her boyfriend is dying and it's a sensitive issue for anyone. Hopefully he'll be able to speak to the boyfriend today and find out what's really going on. If it turns out she is lying/exaggerating then I'll be able to sit down with him and share my concern of NPD because he'll have witnessed proof

NPD is irrelevant at this moment. Its the whole relationship with his mum. She says jump he says how high
Why does he tell her you are ill ?