When is it ok to share the good news?

[MG35]

I got my BFP last week I'm 4 +2

I am so desperate to tell my close friends but when do people thinks it's OK to tell people?

I had an MC in May 5 +4 this year so I'm not sure what to do?

The general rule, I think is to tell those who you'd be comfortable telling if you went on to have a mc (so people you trust to share both good and bad news with). Otherwise, if you have a scan after 8 weeks or so, the chances of mc go down considerably (but sadly, not completely).

Sorry to hear about your previous mc, here's to a full and healthy pregnancy this time around. Congratulations!

Depends. We told the people we'd tell if I miscarried (3close friends) and my boss out of necessity. We told OHs parents after my initial scan at 9 weeks and my parents/ other friends and family after the 12 weeks. It's totally up to you!

Just remember that once you tell people you loose control a bit and as much as you tell them not to tell invariably one of them will.

Ok thanks ladies will bear the thoughts in mind

Honestly? I'd wait until 12 weeks. I've had 3 mcs and lost one of them at 10 weeks after seeing a heartbeat so it's never guaranteed.

It's really hard to undo telling people.

But if you would tell people that would support you and be there for during a mc then absolutely tell them.

But the pain of telling people you've lost your baby is horrendous!

I would agree with previous posters: I think it comes down to two categories of people you would tell

1. Whoever you want to tell and would be comfortable telling in the case of MC (for us, my DM, best friend who is also PG plus her husband, and my inlaws.) Depending on how you feel about this prospect, your list could be just you/you and partner, or several people you're close to - only you can know how you'd then feel if things don't go as hoped.
2. People you need to tell (for health and safety, I've had to tell a few people at work, I've also had to tell my yoga teacher and a trainer on a course I attended, again for health and safety. Oh, and the shop attendant who wasn't going to let me use the loo at a department store because the shop was closing!)

Oh it's a tough one as there are people at work I'm close to but I know that are common friends with other people I know who I'm not ready to tell yet. Plus one of the girls I'm the same team is recently pregnant who told me at 4 weeks.

If you do tell people early, remember to also tell them if you don't want them to share the news!

I told my parents at 6 weeks and was surprised to get a "Congratulations" from a quite distant uncle a few days later ...

I've had two early mcs, but told plenty of friends as soon as we knew about subsequent pregnancies as I appreciated my friends' support after the mcs and didn't see the point in not having their support throughout early pg.

Personally, I'm in favour of being more open about early pregnancy and pregnancy loss as strongly feel that either the exhaustion of the first trimester or the physical and emotional impact of miscarriage should be things women have to hide / cope with without the same sort of sympathy and support society generally provides for illness and/or bereavement. But it's very personal whether you'd feel comforted by people knowing about a pregnancy loss or whether you'd prefer for it to be private.

I haven't told acquaintances (as opposed to friends) until I'm showing, as I'm personally really uncomfortable responding to generic congratulatory comments before I'm feeling confident the pg will continue.

Thanks toffsforeveryone you're right I will swear each to secrecy!!

Hi Hjbeans I agree that if there was better bereavement support then it should not be such an issue to tell people. I found there was no support available after my MC and I aslo agree that the stress of keeping it secret can add to the anxiety. Roll on 8 weeks!! I wish you luck in your pregancy

Thanks MG35 - and good luck to you in yours. :-)

When you're ready!

I've had 3 losses at 23 weeks and 2 at 6 weeks. I've also had a healthy pregnancy. This time I was going to hide it until 12 weeks but my mum and sister guessed at 5/6 weeks so I told my MIL too.

I'm 19 weeks now and I only told my dad, and other close family member about 2 weeks ago..

Its all down to the person and when you're ready and whether you would like support :-)

It's totally up to you - I found it nice carrying around a secret for a while and in 1st pregnancy only told one close friend, and 2nd I told two. It was nice having someone other than my husband to talk to about it (and one of them had been pregnant before)but everyone else we waited until we'd had the 12 week scan. We probably would have told our parents if we had a miscarriage but we're both quite private so would like to do it in our own time rather than having people calling and asking how the scan went and having to give the news in that way. It leaves you more options that way anyway. Good luck deciding though! :)

Whenever you want! I told my best friend first time at around 8 weeks, and everyone else at 12 weeks. This time I told the same friend at 5 weeks as she was pregnant too, 2 other friends after an early scan at 8 weeks and everyone else at 12 weeks. They were friends I would have been happy to talk to if I'd had a miscarriage. I quite liked having the secret and in quite a private person anyway, so even at 12 weeks I only told close friends and family. No Facebook announcements or anything like that!

I told my mum, DH's mum and closest friends at 6 week, then work colleagues at 9 weeks and everyone else after my scan. If I had a mc, I would want the support of the people I told early. There's no hard and fast rule.

I'm 10 weeks with number 3 and pretty much everyone around me knows. I've been feeling like death and I got bored of making up stories so I just started telling people the truth.

I've been matter-of-fact about it - early days, no guarantees as to what will happen etc etc - but as a previous poster said, it would be good if women had better support in early pregnancy, and when things go wrong.